Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Open Letter #1

Any man with Ex-girlfriend issues, baby mama drama, no ambition, no backbone, playa-itis, and in need of Jesus please leave me alone. I can't no more. Don't even look at me sideways. If you know u ain't got ur ish together don't step to me, go work it out.

Keep on walking.


Just a Little Frustrated

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Remembering Today

One of the scariest days of my life as a New Yorker. I will never forget it. Sitting in Spanish class when I found out the Towers had been hit. All I knew was that my parents worked in Manhattan. Wasn't sure how close to World Trade they were but at that point we weren't sure what was going on and if my whole city was under attack. They dismissed us from school and Flushing was bananas. The lines for the buses were insane. I was the first one to get home. I walked into my house calling peoples names and no one answered. I went into my parents room and turned on the TV and watched the footage. Tears streamed down my face. I didn't know if my parents were ok, I didn't know if now I had to take care of my sibs by myself. Life was totally uncertain. Phones weren't working. I sat frozen, eyes glued to the screen watching and praying. And then after what seemed like forever my mom came through the door. A little later my dad came in after picking my bro up from afterschool. Then my sister came home. And all the worry and fear was gone. Then it hit me that for many families across my city their loved ones didn't come home. Its a very sobering, humbling thought. We all slept in my parents bed that night, something I hadn't done since I was a kid. I hoped that when I woke up the next morning it was all a bad dream. 
I can't believe its been 9 years already. We were all so paralyzed. Planes were now scary things. The Airforce was flying overhead. It took a long time for things to be normal again. But my city came together. Acts of bravery and heroism displayed unselfishly. We helped each other.  Its sad that a tragic event is what it took to make people care about others. Death and destruction don't recognize color, faith, or gender. We shouldn't either. The only way to destroy hate is with love. Love one another, let go of grudges, forgive, show kindness when its not deserved, give a smile and say Good morning because your alive and grateful. It won't only start a change in you and your heart but it will begin to make a change in others as well. 
The Greatest of these is Love
Thats what the Bible says because the Lord knew that hate will destroy but that love brings life. If we don't learn anything else from this experience I hope we learn to love one another. If we do then we'll make our world a better place. A safer place.

Monday, September 6, 2010


For the last few weeks I've been taking long distance trips down memory lane. After the funeral of the Ex I was replaying in my mind all the times we spent together. Wondering if things coulda ended differently between us. The answer: Maybe but most likely it would have all played out the same.

Its amazing that after someone dies no matter how you ended you want to remember the good times.

My mom has been great through this entire process by the way. I've been able to talk through it with her and its been therapeutic. She got what I meant when I said that I felt disconnected at his funeral, like the person they were talking about I didn't know. It seemed like I had this totally different experience of him.

I didn't cry and I wondered why. I thought I woulda been a basket case. But I realized I grieved for him when we broke up so I felt sadness, especially for his family, but I didn't feel deep sorrow. Like something I treasured was lost to me forever, I had already through that already. He had been lost to me years ago.

So during this trip my mom said to me, "What was it about him that made you so comfortable? That allowed you to be who you are? You need to figure that out and find the guy you can have that level of comfort with." That sounds like amazing advice. Why didn't I think of that?

Taking a look back is a good practice, you always need to see where you've come from but you don't want to stay there. I'm looking forward to moving forward.

... to be continued.

No More Apologies

I've decided to stop apologizing for my not posting as often as I would like. I have things to post just not a lot of time. So I will post as I'm able and hopefully you will forgive me. (Crosses fingers ;-) )

... to be continued