Realized that some of the source of my dissatisfaction is that I haven't changed my sphere of influence in the last 5 years and I'm ready for a change. I gotta move! Lol.
At my current job I am working for peanuts full-time. Literally. I work 40+ hours a week and I'm still below the poverty line. How does that work? *scratches head* I've given a lot to this organization but it is time for me to spread my wings, cut the cord and get the heck outta here before it all comes apart. When you stop believing in what you're doing its time to go.
So I have been actively seeking and applying for other jobs. My fingers and toes on my good foot (lol) are crossed and I know that I'll be leaving here soon so in the next few months I'm hoping to be making some big moves. With the Lord's help, grace and wisdom I'll be embarking on a new adventure.
And for a girl who hates change, I am absolutely stoked! I can't wait for it to start. :)
...to be continued
Showing posts with label revelations. Show all posts
Showing posts with label revelations. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Love is ... Action
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
You decide to love someone. Its not just warm fuzzies and tinglies that run around in your body, butterflies that flap their wings because the object of your affection has entered the room. Love is action. Its a conscious decision to put someone else's thoughts, wants, needs and desires before your own. Its a conscious decision to forget past wrongs, its a conscious decision to not be rude, to be patient with them, to consider their feelings. Love is protecting one another, love is trusting each other, love is hoping in everything that they are to you, Love is never throwing in the towel. Love never falls out of love.
If you "fall" out of love with someone then you decided that. Love doesn't just stop. And if it does I wonder if it was truly love to begin with. This isn't just romantic love but all love. We throw the word love around so carelessly knowing full well that we have no intention of being true love to that person. Trust me I don't always get this right but I do take love seriously. There are many people I care about deeply but there are few that I love honestly and truly. I love people who at times don't deserve my love but then again there are times I don't deserve their love either. Who are we to judge who does and doesn't deserve love?
Love isn't about deserving it or not. If you truly love someone its no matter what they've done, said or thought.
Love isn't empty promises and sweet words. Don't tell me you love me. Show me you love me. Not with just flowers and candy but with eyes that express what words can't, with showing me grace when I do something u think is dumb, by not putting me down, by giving me a day off to remind me of why I chose you, by not lying to me, by not giving me a reason to doubt you. There are countless ways to show true love.
I know no one can perfect loving someone. Thats not what I seek but I want someone who is willing to make the same commitment to love as I do. I'm not a perfect lover of people. I'm not pretending to be, I only know of one person who was.
I just know what love isn't. And I won't settle for what it isn't.
.... to be continued
Saturday, February 6, 2010
My Return To Singleville
So I am a single girl once again. Yes I know, ya'll are probably like, "What happened?" The short answer, The Elephant among other things. When I looked out into my future could I see myself with Washington for the next 50 years? Could I see myself having kids with him? Living the life I desire with him?
I couldn't. While he met some of my needs he couldn't fulfill the one most important to me. Who wants to wake up one day look over and say, "What the hell was I thinking?"
Is he a bad guy? No, he's good guy he's just not the right guy for me. Is the door closed? No because I don't know what the Lord has in store and maybe something will change but right now I know that the way things were I couldn't handle anymore.
I'm used to compromising myself for the happiness of others but this time I chose MY happiness and sanity. I heard at a conference I attended that the way that you share joy and happiness with others is if you have joy and happiness inside of you and if you surround urself with those who will pour that back into you. Sounds smart to me.
Doesn't mean I don't miss him. *sighs* And doesn't mean he's taking this well either.
My search continues....
... to be continued
I couldn't. While he met some of my needs he couldn't fulfill the one most important to me. Who wants to wake up one day look over and say, "What the hell was I thinking?"
Is he a bad guy? No, he's good guy he's just not the right guy for me. Is the door closed? No because I don't know what the Lord has in store and maybe something will change but right now I know that the way things were I couldn't handle anymore.
I'm used to compromising myself for the happiness of others but this time I chose MY happiness and sanity. I heard at a conference I attended that the way that you share joy and happiness with others is if you have joy and happiness inside of you and if you surround urself with those who will pour that back into you. Sounds smart to me.
Doesn't mean I don't miss him. *sighs* And doesn't mean he's taking this well either.
My search continues....
... to be continued
Thursday, October 1, 2009
He's Married!
So here's the entire story of what happened last night.
I have been talking to the Personal Trainer for a little over a month even though it felt much longer. I first introduced him as my text buddy. Somehow our relationship progressed so much further than that. We would talk everyday. When I mean everyday, I'm talking waking up to texts, talking before we went to bed, sometimes talking all day on Saturdays. And we were talking about some really deep stuff about our feelings, our families. I thought I had a serious connection with him. Mind you I was trying to figure out how this could possibly work because we didn't live in the same state and he was joining the army but when I asked him about it he said that he saw us as getting closer and didn't foresee our relationship changing. He even invited me to come to Georgia to spend the weekend with him.
So I'm thinking its all good, we're on the same page right?
We'll in my post Georgia Peach I talked about going to visit him. My Aunt read my post and commented on it, telling me to send her his name so she can check him out for me. Thinking everything was everything I obliged. She messages me back saying to ask him if he lives in Conyers and knows this woman. He does live in Conyers so I texted him asking if he knew her. I was thinking it was maybe she's a sister or a cousin or maybe his mother but this is what he texts back.
I paused. Like as if you pressed paused on your dvd player. I paused put my phone down and let it sit for a minute. I was stunned to say the least. Was this a joke? So I texted back, "R u serious?"
So wait about 10 minutes because thats how long I waited for a response I never got before I texted, "Were u ever gonna tell me?" He finally texts back
How did I find out?! Why the heck didn't you tell me you (insert a random slew of expletives here). The thing is if my Aunt hadn't asked me for his name and then asked me to ask him if he knew that woman I would have never known. I mean I was making plans to spend money to go see this fool, I shared thoughts with him I don't share with anybody because he opened himself up to me. All the things he told me about his life he didn't think that telling me he had a wife and 2 boys was important? WTF?!
So he called me later that night. By now this had sunk in and hearing him talk I began to cry. I hate to admit that I did. And I held it together during most of the call but as I began asking him questions and he kept saying I don't know I couldn't hold it. I was so hurt. Like how can you not know? At any point you could have said Dee, I gotta tell you something. But no, I had to find out indirectly from someone else who didn't even know she was outing you. At least he came out with it straight up but my goodness... he woulda let me come to Georgia and cheat on his wife with me. And I would never know. What if she had seen us together ir found his phone? *smh*
When I asked him if he woulda ever told me he was like uh, well yeah but ... BS.
Then when I asked how he thought us could work he was like, "I was still trying to figure that out."
But what really took the cake was that he was more upset that he hurt me. Me? Not that he could've hurt the other woman he made a vow to, not the fact that a family was almost destroyed. No, he was more upset that he hurt me and mad me cry.
I kept thinking, how do you explain something like that to your kids? He coulda got me got by his wife and I woulda been oblivious as to why. He knows I'm not that type of person. I'm not a husband stealer. And he's been with his wife for years. Their oldest child is 12!
Only God in his awesome power could have orchestrated this. My mom kept telling me he was hiding something and this was more than coincidence that my Aunt would ask me to ask him this woman's name and it would be his wife.
My heart hurts but I thank God that this didn't escalate beyond this point. I can still pick up the pieces and move on cuz I did nothing wrong. I can still hold my head high.
Then he had the nerve to say, "Can I text you later?"
WTF?!
Singleville have mercy on me please.
... to be continued.
I have been talking to the Personal Trainer for a little over a month even though it felt much longer. I first introduced him as my text buddy. Somehow our relationship progressed so much further than that. We would talk everyday. When I mean everyday, I'm talking waking up to texts, talking before we went to bed, sometimes talking all day on Saturdays. And we were talking about some really deep stuff about our feelings, our families. I thought I had a serious connection with him. Mind you I was trying to figure out how this could possibly work because we didn't live in the same state and he was joining the army but when I asked him about it he said that he saw us as getting closer and didn't foresee our relationship changing. He even invited me to come to Georgia to spend the weekend with him.
So I'm thinking its all good, we're on the same page right?
We'll in my post Georgia Peach I talked about going to visit him. My Aunt read my post and commented on it, telling me to send her his name so she can check him out for me. Thinking everything was everything I obliged. She messages me back saying to ask him if he lives in Conyers and knows this woman. He does live in Conyers so I texted him asking if he knew her. I was thinking it was maybe she's a sister or a cousin or maybe his mother but this is what he texts back.
"Yes. She's my wife."
I paused. Like as if you pressed paused on your dvd player. I paused put my phone down and let it sit for a minute. I was stunned to say the least. Was this a joke? So I texted back, "R u serious?"
So wait about 10 minutes because thats how long I waited for a response I never got before I texted, "Were u ever gonna tell me?" He finally texts back
"Yes, but I didn't know how after I didn't tell you the first time we talked. How did u find out?"
How did I find out?! Why the heck didn't you tell me you (insert a random slew of expletives here). The thing is if my Aunt hadn't asked me for his name and then asked me to ask him if he knew that woman I would have never known. I mean I was making plans to spend money to go see this fool, I shared thoughts with him I don't share with anybody because he opened himself up to me. All the things he told me about his life he didn't think that telling me he had a wife and 2 boys was important? WTF?!
So he called me later that night. By now this had sunk in and hearing him talk I began to cry. I hate to admit that I did. And I held it together during most of the call but as I began asking him questions and he kept saying I don't know I couldn't hold it. I was so hurt. Like how can you not know? At any point you could have said Dee, I gotta tell you something. But no, I had to find out indirectly from someone else who didn't even know she was outing you. At least he came out with it straight up but my goodness... he woulda let me come to Georgia and cheat on his wife with me. And I would never know. What if she had seen us together ir found his phone? *smh*
When I asked him if he woulda ever told me he was like uh, well yeah but ... BS.
Then when I asked how he thought us could work he was like, "I was still trying to figure that out."
But what really took the cake was that he was more upset that he hurt me. Me? Not that he could've hurt the other woman he made a vow to, not the fact that a family was almost destroyed. No, he was more upset that he hurt me and mad me cry.
I kept thinking, how do you explain something like that to your kids? He coulda got me got by his wife and I woulda been oblivious as to why. He knows I'm not that type of person. I'm not a husband stealer. And he's been with his wife for years. Their oldest child is 12!
Only God in his awesome power could have orchestrated this. My mom kept telling me he was hiding something and this was more than coincidence that my Aunt would ask me to ask him this woman's name and it would be his wife.
My heart hurts but I thank God that this didn't escalate beyond this point. I can still pick up the pieces and move on cuz I did nothing wrong. I can still hold my head high.
Then he had the nerve to say, "Can I text you later?"
WTF?!
Singleville have mercy on me please.
... to be continued.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Laundry
Ok, so I spent all morning in the laundromat. All morning. And now I'm wiped. My eye lids are drooping as I type. But as I spent the better part of 3 hrs washing clothes (I haven't done laundry in months) it got me thinking...
Its so easy for the issues of life to pile up and like I was doing with my dirty clothes, we just toss them into our "hamper" until it piles up so much we can't ignore them anymore. My feet hurt from all the standing, my arms and shoulders hurt from lifting the heavy clothes bags (yes, bags) and our hearts and mind get weighted down by the "life laundry" we let sit in the corner.
If we dealt with the issues as they came the load wouldn't be so burdensome but we get so busy in the day to day tasks of life that we push our laundry to the side until we can't stand the sight of it any longer, we don't have any more clean underwear or it stinks to high heaven. (mine is no more clean undies, lol, must do laundry then)
I always wonder what issues I'm just throwing in the corner until laundry day?
Are those things what hold me back from my destiny? Why I have trust issues? What make living in Singleville so hard almost to the point of unbearable sometimes?
Your girl is tired but she can't help but wonder, if she continues to throw the "laundry" in the corner will it be too much to clean up when laundry day arrives?
...to be continued
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
London Bridges Falling Down
At 91 with throat cancer you would think that you would be out for the count, lying in your bed, letting people wait on you hand and foot. Obviously, you haven't met Cyril Herron. My grandfather is one of the most independent people I know. He wants to get up and walk around, and do this a do that like he is still 90 or something. Well this past weekend he and his stubborn self got up to do it himself, which comes as no surprise (when he was in the hospital he was MIA because he decided he wanted to go for a walk).
What is surprising is that he fell. Now if he was a spring chicken this would be no big deal but he's not. (Hence the title of this blog.) And the reason for concern. We all know he's not gonna take this lying down.
It just goes to show that God can make a lesson out of anything. How many times have I fallen? Tons. I'm not a young spring chicken in my faith (I've been a believer for 16 years). With each new fall it gets harder to get up from.
My little cousin is who found because even though nobody thinks she's listen she always is. Just like God is and before you know it help is coming.
When haven't we all felt frail and still wanted to show we could do it? When haven't we fallen? But I want to be like my grandpa. Although he fell (he's alright thank God) I know his spirit isn't broken and I know that he will try to get up and forge ahead again on his own.
The next time I fall I want to be able to get back up and try again. I don't want my spirit to be broken or to stop in fear from doing something great. My grandfather has taught me that life will try to knock you down but that doesn't mean you don't fight with everything you have left.
He's fighting, everyday, and we know that he won't necessarily get "well" again but his spirit, his heart, his pride that will never leave him.
Is my spirit, is my heart that strong? Does my pride in who I am in Christ trump all that life throws? With all the falls come new experiences, new challenges, new nuggets of wisdom. Will I have the courage to get up and forge on?
If God is always there ready to pick me back up, why not?
Didn't mean to be preachy, I'm just writing what's on my heart. I really appreciate your prayers.
I'll keep you posted.
What is surprising is that he fell. Now if he was a spring chicken this would be no big deal but he's not. (Hence the title of this blog.) And the reason for concern. We all know he's not gonna take this lying down.
It just goes to show that God can make a lesson out of anything. How many times have I fallen? Tons. I'm not a young spring chicken in my faith (I've been a believer for 16 years). With each new fall it gets harder to get up from.
My little cousin is who found because even though nobody thinks she's listen she always is. Just like God is and before you know it help is coming.
When haven't we all felt frail and still wanted to show we could do it? When haven't we fallen? But I want to be like my grandpa. Although he fell (he's alright thank God) I know his spirit isn't broken and I know that he will try to get up and forge ahead again on his own.
The next time I fall I want to be able to get back up and try again. I don't want my spirit to be broken or to stop in fear from doing something great. My grandfather has taught me that life will try to knock you down but that doesn't mean you don't fight with everything you have left.
He's fighting, everyday, and we know that he won't necessarily get "well" again but his spirit, his heart, his pride that will never leave him.
Is my spirit, is my heart that strong? Does my pride in who I am in Christ trump all that life throws? With all the falls come new experiences, new challenges, new nuggets of wisdom. Will I have the courage to get up and forge on?
If God is always there ready to pick me back up, why not?
Didn't mean to be preachy, I'm just writing what's on my heart. I really appreciate your prayers.
I'll keep you posted.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
It all happened in 3 days
Remember the old guy I was tutoring that took a very twisted turn. Tell me why he called me, on my phone. Emailing me is one thing, calling me went to far. I had to bring in the calvary (aka my parents) to set the situation straight. After a series of phone calls my quite outraged dad made I got an apology and a promise that it won't happen again. What disturbed me the most? He's 60 years old and has kids my age. Major violation. My aunt needs to make better choices in friends.
My serial caller continues to call. Its starting to work my nerves and to be honest i wouldn't even still be talking to him if I wasn't trying to witness to him. He has a lot of questions about God and salvation but I can't help but wonder if he's just using that to try to get with me. Either way I'm a use this opportunity to invite someone into the kingdom. Even if it works me nerves a bit. To God be the glory right?
Finally, last night Mr. E emailed me. After some time without communication I wasn't sure how the email would affect me. As usual I felt the butterflies flutter in my heart. I realized that as much as I may want to shelf this relationship for fear of getting hurt my heart and my head won't let me. Interestingly enough the first thought that came to mind was that I need to wait on the Lord because he is patiently working on me. Even though I wish things to progress faster with Mr. E God keeps telling me to wait on Him for my wants, needs, and desires. This is a real test for me but if history has taught me anything its that waiting on the Lord is the hardest thing to do but the best thing for you.
So guess what, this single girl will be waiting. But isn't it amazing that all this could happen in just 3 days. If I wasn't living it I wouldn't believe it.
My serial caller continues to call. Its starting to work my nerves and to be honest i wouldn't even still be talking to him if I wasn't trying to witness to him. He has a lot of questions about God and salvation but I can't help but wonder if he's just using that to try to get with me. Either way I'm a use this opportunity to invite someone into the kingdom. Even if it works me nerves a bit. To God be the glory right?
Finally, last night Mr. E emailed me. After some time without communication I wasn't sure how the email would affect me. As usual I felt the butterflies flutter in my heart. I realized that as much as I may want to shelf this relationship for fear of getting hurt my heart and my head won't let me. Interestingly enough the first thought that came to mind was that I need to wait on the Lord because he is patiently working on me. Even though I wish things to progress faster with Mr. E God keeps telling me to wait on Him for my wants, needs, and desires. This is a real test for me but if history has taught me anything its that waiting on the Lord is the hardest thing to do but the best thing for you.
So guess what, this single girl will be waiting. But isn't it amazing that all this could happen in just 3 days. If I wasn't living it I wouldn't believe it.
