The Value of Time

Now I am one of those people who can be really bad with this especially when its to go somewhere I don't really want to go or when it involves doing something I don't want to do. But I'm working on that. And for the most part I keep appointments. (I do be running on CP time sometime though. lol.)

My pet peeve goes back to my I'll Call You Later post. I'm an impatient person. (I working on that too) I'm also a busy person so my time is valuable. I believe that they way you handle time shows how important something is too you. When a meeting is important to me I'll be there early. If I have an event I've been busting my behind for I'll be prepared in advance. If its something I'm dreading I'll admit that I drag my feet and wait til the last possible second. However, the fact remains that I hate waiting on people and hate when people have to wait on me.

The same goes for any relationship I'm trying to grow. If I give my time to it its important to me. This being said, Honey is on my last nerve with this. Our schedules are a little out of whack which is not a problem. I can be flexible. What is the problem is this: Lets say I call him (or even he calls me) and he can't talk. He tells me I'll call you back in 15 mins, 20 mins, 5 mins. Ok cool. If that was at 10:30 pm why are you calling me 2:30 am? That is way passed time and now I'm sleep. I already was waiting for you to call back, now you wake me and I'm half dead, and then can't get back to sleep right away.


Now at first it was all good because I was feeling him but now its starting to turn me off. Its just disrespectful. It boils down to if you say you'll do something do it. Be a person of your word. Maybe I'm taking this too strongly but my grandfather would say, "In this life all you have is your word."


Like I said, my time is valuable just like everyone elses. And you show me how much I matter to you when either you don't make time for me or you disrespect my time. Honestly, if I did that I'm sure I'd get cussed out strongly. And like I said my patience is limited and mine with him is almost thru.

... to be continued

Dirt On They Shoe

I like to observe relationships (probably cuz I'm not in one). But I observe relationships to see how they tick and see the traits I want and I don't want in one when I am in one. So this relationship is one that I don't want to model. The title could probably tell you that.

Ok, so I've known this guy since we was little kids. We're about a year apart. Our moms are real tight. Used to hang with his sister. I've met a lot of his family. Yada, yada, yada. Me and him go way back. We'll call him Bamma cuz this dude got a booty on him, boy. Now I'm a girl who likes a nice, juicy... ok I was about to tell on myself. So I'll just say he working with a lot in the back and I'll leave it at that. Now back in the day I believe pretty strongly (he may dispute me on this) that he was feeling me. But at the time I was young, in junior high, and I was heavily into sports and thought boys were dumb. (Still into sports but my perception of the fellas has changed ;) ) Well, I think I hurt his feelings a little bit (ok, I know I hurt his feelings but c'mon I was young and dumb and this ain't the point of the story so I'm moving on.) Now as I got older, I will admit (begrudgingly) that I started feeling him (I mean he got fine on me all of a sudden) but I'm so over that now. I mean he's a good looking guy; gorgeous eyes, athletic, I already talked about the booty but... I don't just measure people by their outer appearence but their inner self and as the story continues you'll understand why I am no longer feeling him.

So he has been dating this girl for what has to be 5 years if my calculations are correct. Now I've heard about this girl, I've known about this girl (from his sister), I've seen this girl, I've even been in the same room with this girl with him standing right there and said hi to him but hadn't been introduced to her until recently. Ok, so that may not be that strange but it gets better (or maybe I should say worse). He has disrespected her so many times its unbelievable. At one point I knew more of his extended family then she did (he didn't introduce her to them until like 3 years in.) He has ignored her, let his sister disrespect her to her face, and in one case that I observed literally boxed her out of a conversation. I mean physically boxed her out like this was a baaketball game. I was outraged for her.

Now I respect her devotion to him but for me 5 years and no ring? No mention of marriage? Being disrespected to my face and treating me like you ashamed of me? You don't even introduce me to people you've known almost your whole life? "Not I", said the cat. "Not I." I woulda dumped his trifling tail such a loooooooooooooong time ago. Plus, homeboy was gone for a year at college without her. Only God knows what he was doing while she wasn't there. I mean he is fine and if he was treating her like dirt up here I doubt he would have any qualms about playing the field. (We woulda had a conversation about our relationship before he left cuz if he not thinking long term deuces. You do your thing I do mine. Its all good.)

After seeing all this I thought to myself, "Thank God I dodged a bullet because if he had disrespected me like that, ooh Lawd, I'd kill'em dead." Ok not exactly dead but I'd consider it. Lol. I mean he even treats me rudely at times (I never said we were friends). I let that roll off cuz I'm too blessed to be worried about his stupidness. You want to ignore me? Go on right ahead. My value is not found in you. You can pretend I don't exist and I can pretend you don't exist.

Why do I care so much? Cuz it hurts me that this girl lets him treat her like this. Everytime I see her I want to go over to her and give her a hug and say, "Girl, I'm here for you." Of course I can't do that. She'd look at me like I was crazy. But it causes me to ask, "Why do women, beautiful, bright, intelligent women allow men to treat them like the Dirt on they Shoe?"

I mean, honestly she could find a man who could treat her way better. What pisses me off is he knows better. His mother even corrected him the day that we were standing in the same room and he didn't introduce us. I'm not invisible. She's not invisible. Where are your manners?! (His mom ended up introducing us.) I mean let some guy try and treat his sister this way, he'd be ready to kill him. So why would you do this to someone else?

Frankly, if this was me, and it wouldn't be, but if this was me, the first time I was disrespected we woulda had a talk. The first time his sister got in my face it woulda got deaded right there. (Trust me, she has tried me before in the past and I had to squash that mess; fast, quick and in a hurry or one of us would not be here to tell the story) And if he didn't introduce me I woulda introduced myself.

This is my thing, if you ashamed to be with me that's on you but I'm not ashamed of who I am at all. And I woulda walked. Relationship done. I'd be gone, watch me sashay myself away from you, head held high cuz I don't need this BS. Puh-lease.

Where I see this ending up if they don't get married (or at the VERY least engaged) in the next year is that he will string her along and then some other woman (who is like his mother) who will put him in his place will saunter in. He'll dump old girl here because he don't won't need her anymore and he will marry this new one within a year. Two tops. I've seen it before. So she will have wasted all that time with him and what will she have gotten? Used and Abused.

Do I wish this for her? Not at all. But I don't wish for her to marry him either. I wish she would see enough value in herself to get up and walk away. In the long run her self-esteem will skyroocket with that decision. He's treating her like dirt. And I wish I could tell her but as my mom tells me, that's not my place.

I'm just trying to wrap my head around, "Why do women let men treat them like dirt on they shoe?" I don't understand it and while at times I have let guys walk over me a bit, I find now that I'm in the driver seat a lot more. If you don't like me. Fine. You don't call. That's cool but don't expect me to jump when you say jump. Ladies we need to find worth in ourselves because we are the prize. Don't ever forget that.

Men PLEASE step up! We waiting on ya'll.

... to be continued.

Epic Fail

So I'm back with the full story of the fool who pissed me off royally last night.

So grab some popcorn, get settled and buckle your seat belts for this one.

Ready... Set... Go

Ok so, this fool started himself off on the wrong foot from jump street. I'm trying to look out for him so he don't get lost coming to my house. So I call him to ask where he at. He tells me where so I ask him some questions cuz I'm just trying to make sure he going in the right direction. He tells me "I can follow directions if they're given to me correctly." WTH?! First, strike.

Ok, so he finally gets to my house. I'm outside waiting and what does he say to me. No, not hi or how you doing. "Open the gate." WTH?! So I say, "If I wasn't outside you woulda had to open the gate yourself. This fool tells me, "I would of called you and told you to come open the gate for me." WTH?! Strike 2. (I shoulda left him outside my gate)

Ok, so anyone that knows my family knows we don't have AC (Don't look at me cockeyed. Talk to my parents about that one). So I tell him that my house is really hot we should sit outside. But of course he wants to see for himself. Fine. The conclusion he came to? We should sit outside. (Duh, I told you that. *smdh*)

So we go back outside and sit on my stairs and he says, "Why didn't you tell me you had a hot house?" I tell him because it never came up in conversation. You didn't ask and I didn't think about it. I'm the type of person who gives info when asked and I don't really think about somethings until I'm in the situation. You know what he told me? "Wow, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." This is definitely strike 3 and this fool acted like that was a perfectly acceptable thing to say. Really? My man got so many strikes last night I lost count.

You think things couldn't get any worse right? WRONG. What happened next has to be the start of the worst first date conversation ever. First thing he says, "My baby moms is so stupid." (This will become a theme.) He proceeds to tell me he can't stand her, she mad stupid cuz she lets her new man hit on her and then goes back to him, and she's now pregnant by said new man. Then he proceeds to tell me why he don't go pick his son up from her house no more cuz she tried to call the cops on him so his parents pick him up. (I didn't even know he had a kid. Nice intro.)

Then he proceeds to open his phone and make a phone call. WTH? I can't believe this. And the convo went something like this,

Where my money?
I need my money.
I'm in Philadelphia at this party.
You know I can fly anywhere I want.
I'll just hop on a plane to New York tomorrow morning.
Alright, just have my money ready, ok. Bye.

Besides this being hella rude. (I'm sitting right there.) He was talking to his Aunt! *SMDH*

So he tells me my block is mad quiet and that where he live the prostitutes walk down Sutphin Blvd. That the women fight over dudes in the street or they fight they boyfriend in the street and when he hit her she be jumping on him. They just so stupid.

Then he decided to tell me that I'm not West Indian because I wasn't born in Aruba or Jamaica where my family is from. Negro, (I really want to say the N word but I so despise that word even though he was acting the very definition of the world) don't tell me I'm not that which I know I am. I grew up in a West Indian household and just cuz I was born here doesn't change who I am. Fall back. My pissed off meter is rising.

So we get on the topic of dance lessons. And this is when 3 of the STUPIDEST things I've ever heard a man say came out his mouth. Men don't go to dance class, don't go to the museum, and don't go to church. Now with him saying men I think he meant real men because he was trying to say he was one. HA! (He is definitely not the definition of a real man. Trust.) According to him only gay men take dance classes and go to museums and churches are only filled with women. WTH?! Now I'm giving dude the side eye.

Then he kept telling me I was mad young. Now I get this a lot but the way he saying it made me sound like I was ignorant, stupid, and simple. Most people are surprised at how old I am because of how mature I am so his condescending tone was definitely rubbing me the wrong way. My temperature is rising.

This fool stayed on his phone the whole time. So I started texting my sister about this jackass. I'm laughing and he didn't even know that it was about him. Idiot.

Then he tells me he has TB. WTF?! But wait, he's not contagious. (Can you feel the sarcasm) He had to take B6 and vitamin injection for 6 months. I just rolled my eyes cuz even if its dormant in you (apparently once you get TB even when treated it never leaves your bloodstream but its not harmful to you any longer) I could get that ish. Not that I was close enough to him for all that but still. But his reasoning for how he got it is beyond ridiculous.

So, he starts off by saying "I was out with this girl at 42nd Street and her Metrocard didn't work so when I swiped she came in behind me." Pause. Any true New Yorker knows that 42nd Street station is the busiest subway station in the city. Cops are all over that place. So it was no surprise to me what he said next. "So I got stopped by the police." (Duh) "So I got arrested because I had a warrant out for my arrest." What follows next is the dumbest reason to have a warrant out for your arrest. He continues.

"I had a warrant out for my arrest because a year ago I was on my friend's stoop and the cops saw us and stopped. I swear cops stop you just for being black. They are so stupid. So anyway they come up to us and say to my friend what's your name. My friend said Shawnee. (Shawnee a dude but the way) So the cops start clowning on his name. (while the cops were wrong I will admit I giggled at his name too.) So I get tight and I get up to leave. So I grab my bike and the cop is like you leaving and I'm like yeah and he like why and I'm like because you clowning my friend. You mad stupid cuz that's not funny. (Why would you tell a cop he stupid?) So the cop says oh for real and I like yeah and he gives me a summons for having my bike on the curb. So the minute he drove away I torn the summons up. But cuz I didn't pay it, that day with the turnstile instead of getting a summons I got arrested. So I spent one day in jail and that's where I think I got TB. I couldn't of got it from the outside"

You should have seen the look on my face. Is he serious? He can't be serious. But he's like "Why would I lie about having TB. I would lie and say I didn't have it."

But it gets better. According to him all women are stupid. (He really can't be trying to impress me.) And we're crazy too because this girl her met he asked her to drive him to the store and while they in the car she get a call and its a dude and apparently she's all like awe baby I miss you and stuff. So he got tight and said something and the guy on the phone said who that and homegirl said oh that's just my brother. That's good for his trifling self. I wouldn't want anyone to know I knew him either.

He said his father was stupid because his father won't let him live in the other house his father owns (hmmm, that's his prerogative) and because he wouldn't buy him a coat his senior year of high school. (Dude, you 26. Let it go.) So I ask him where does he live. Fool says, "Oh, wow. You don't pay attention". (This is not the first time he's said this to me.) WTF?! Now I'm really pissed. At no time did he tell me that he lived with his parents. So now my sarcasm is in full force. I'm so done with this Negro.

So I say, "Could you stop talking to me like I'm helpless and stupid?" He says, "What did I say to make you think I think your helpless?" I pause cuz I also said stupid in that sentence, right and I told him as much. He say, "I know why you said I'm talking to you like you stupid but I don't know where you got the helpless from." WOW!

Now he talking about I'm hungry you should cook me something. Aw Hell Naw Negro. You disrespect me and my house and want me to cook for you? I give him a look like "fool you tripping" and I tell him the only places open around my house are Burger King and McDonalds. "Naw I don't want that." Then I can't help you Negro.

So after he told me a story about some cruise he went on, he made yet another phone call, and ignored me looking for a place to eat I had had enough. So I said "You ready to go?" He said, "If you kicking me out I'm ready." WTF?! Are you kidding me? So I'm like lets go and he's like can you carry my bag for me? Hell NO douche bag you carried it here you can carry it home. I shoulda let him find his own way to the bus stop but I, still trying to be nice, walked him to the bus stop. So we walking and there were these women walking in front of us walking slow. I already had in my mind I was gonna go around them but before I even got the chance dude says, "Can you walk?" and grabs my arm to pull me around them. I kindly pulled my arm out his hand and walked around the other way. Idiot.

So we get to the bus stop and I explain to him about the buses. No "thank you" did I get. So I'm waiting with him and finally (after 2 seconds) I'm like "You good here cuz I don't want you to get lost or anything." I'm being polite cuz there's a lot of different buses that go through my neighborhood. He say, "How can I get lost at the bus stop?" That was the benediction. I kindly turned around and took myself home.

Now I know you probably think that it ended with that. You'd be wrong. Cuz I wake up the next morning to the following text.

I made it home safe if you care.

Negro. What in the Name of ALL that is Holy is wrong with you? And then he has the audacity to text me.

Good Morning.

WTF?! Did I miss something? You disrespect me, treat me like ish and bascially call me stupid to my face and expect me to still want to talk to you? What drugs do you smoke because they must be real good. If you ask me sir your stupid, your simple, immature, and crazy as hell.

What's crazy is that all this happened in the course of 2 hours. 2 hours! It took 26 years to grow that dumbass, bootlicker and 2 hours to make me want to snuff him out. Lord Jesus you were my strength because I was vexed. I hope he knows he was an...

Just like this security camera is capturing nothing, neither was/is his brain.

...to be continued.

Update: Just want to let you all know that if you're flying out of JFK if you can avoid Delta Terminals 2 & 3 I would advise it cuz that's where this fool works. If not send up a prayer to heaven because this dude is the one putting the fuel in the planes over there and with his lack of common sense you'll probably will need to anoint the plane with holy oil.

The Ex

He makes me sick.

I try to be the bigger person and be friends with exes. Thats just who I am. But I am only human and sometimes I see things that piss me off. (If you not sure of the foolishness he do see This Fool Has Got To be Kidding Me) Its crazy cuz when I see this particular ex I smile all sweet but secretly I'm thinking, "You are such a jackass and I wish I could tell you off." But I don't say it. I keep the peace. But the trash I peeped just now, I had to let go cuz I'm simmering ova here.

You should never remain friends with an ex if they are your friend on a social network. Delete them immediately because all the stupid ish they be doing pops up in your news feed. You look at they profile and your like who is this person? You be looking at they status like WTF?! We all know you ain't that holy and if you are now why wasn't you like that when I was dating you? Or you see some of the convos they have with people and you like oh hell naw.

Now usually I ignore them. I don't go to their profiles, only acknowledge them when they acknowledge me, and if I do pay attention to their status changes I get a little chuckle out of it and roll me eyes.

But today, in my news feed of course, a convo he having with a good friend of mine pops up. I don't know why I went to read the thread of this convo but I did and I'm like WTF?! It seemed a bit inappropriate to me. Now what he doesn't know is that all the dumb ish he did she knows. And we laugh about it, shake our head, and roll our eyes like, this fool.

Now I'm not trying to hate and I'm not mad because I want him back. (Been there done that, neva, eva, eva to return) I'm pissed for the lack of respect. (But why should I expect that from someone who didn't show me respect while we dated either?) Now I'm beginning to think that my girls were dead on the other night when they said he seemed to be all up under her. To do that in my face is a bish ass move and shows your true character.

I don't know why I expect him to do better than he does. He hasn't changed in six years why do I expect him to catch wisdom and respect all of a sudden? All I know is that every time I see him or wateva I leave feeling some kinda way (like murderous or at the very least want to rip his arm off his body and beat him with it).
The thing is when we broke up I coulda retaliated and f-ed him up. My sister was begging me to saying that if I didn't want to she would. Had people wanting to tell him off and ish and I kept that all back out of respect. Because I'm betta then all of that even though I would of thoroughly enjoyed it. (He still don't know that my momma itching to tell him about himself) But I'm about done wit this fool. I can be nice but for so long before I break on you.

One of these days all them things is gonna slip out my mouth and when it does I won't be sorry.

Breath girl breath. Had my blood pressure all elevated and stuff...oooooh

Pray for me

...to be continued

This Lady Lost Her Mind

The lady I'm referring to is my aunt. We all knew she had problems but she took it too far this time. "This Lady Lost Her Mind".

Sunday was my grandfather's funeral and up to that day she had been giving my whole family grief about every little thing. Yelling at my other aunt (her little sister), stressing out my dad, pissing off my uncles, and totally destroying what little relationship she had with the rest of her nieces and nephews. But Sunday, oh my goodness, on Sunday she took it too far.

The service was beautiful, everything was flowing. Everyone was saying such wonderful things about my grandfather and if that had been how the funeral ended the tone of this blog would be totally different. But it didn't because as I said "This Lady Lost Her Mind".

So we're at the part of the service where you could go up and say things about my granddad. It was going well until she got up there to speak. First of all, everyone was given clear instructions to go to the mic on the side of the pulpit to give their acknowledgments and you had 2 minutes to do so. She goes up onto the pulpit. Right there with that move we knew that there was gonna be a problem. Then she busts out literally a ten-page document that she proceed to read for the next 20 minutes. The preacher wanted to stop her but she's the daughter of the deceased, how would that look? So we were all stuck.

Now it was bad enough that she got on the pulpit, slapped down this 10 page obituary about herself (that's how it sounded), and proceeded to read it. But what pissed me and the rest of my family off is how she then in this document bashed my aunt, her sister. We sat there floored as she totally ripped her a new one (her sister -the good aunt- had been the one who took care of my grandfather throughout his entire illness. She's a nurse and worked long hours at the hospital to come home and take care of my granddad, her father.). For Miss. Thang to get up there and lie saying that it was a burden to her and that she couldn't take it anymore and all this nonesense was total disrespect. And then to tell the bold faced lie that she, herself would sit at my grandfather's bedside when we all knew she didn't even come up to see him until her sister yelled at her was beyond comprehension.

What hurt the most was the fact that my aunt (the good aunt) who sacrificed so much for the love of her father was disrespected in front of a church full of people by a woman who was waiting for him to pass away so that she could get the money that he left to her. My dad was so insensed he started praying out loud and my uncle was a split second away from snatching her off the pulpit. And her daughter (the good aunt) was so hurt because she watched how hard her mother worked. And she too made a sacrifice. It can't be easy at 14 to watch your grandfather dying and pass away in your house.

You should have seen the looks on the faces of the people in the audience. Total disbelief that she even went there. And the realization that she was the one with the problem. She was looking for sympathy and she couldn't find any. Its because, "This Lady Lost Her Mind".

I was so pissed but in that moment as I saw the rest of my family sitting in the pews I was so proud because we kept it together for each other. Even as she could have caused us to fall down to her level we rose above it by letting her reveal herself as the foolish woman she is.

That was the only blemish in an otherwise beautiful celebration of my grandpa's life. He would have been ashamed of her display but I know that he would say we must forgive the ignorance of one who knows better. So in the spirit of the example he set I shall do so. But she has done some almost irrepairable damage to her sibling relationships because "This Lady Lost Her Mind".

You know what's truly sad, if she ever got sick, the same sister she threw under the bus would be at her bed side to take care of her cuz the rest of us surely wouldn't. And that's the bridge you burn?

I hope she never needs a hand to help her up cuz she'll soon realize that she ain't got none willing to reach down to pick her up.

(shaking my head) I just needed to vent. I would have wrote it Sunday but I would of been cussing up a storm in here. I needed a few days to return to breathing normally.