I Wanna Be Your Man

This song takes me back to a school dance in Love and Basketball. A lot of my posts have been songs as of late. Hmmm. *shrugs* Ok, so I have an interesting situation right about now.

I'm talking to the Personal Trainer (PT) on Saturday and he tells me that if we weren't being held apart by distance I'd be his woman. Awh, that sucks. Cuz we are, we still talk everyday but I'm in NY and he's in Georgia. Where is the justice?

In the mean time, new prospect intro coming, I've been talking to Washington (he's a Redskins fan). I actually started talking to him before I started talking to the Personal Trainer but PT has stolen my heart. Anyway, he really seems to be feeling me and we also talk everyday. Now, I like him too but some how talking to him feels like I'm cheating on PT or at the very least being dishonest. I'm not that type of girl and I hate that feeling.

Also this passed Saturday, Mr. E emailed me (of course not answering my email) but why did my heart go all a flutter again and I was ready to forgive him all things? *smh* What the heck is wrong with me?

The MC hits me up that same Saturday talking about, come over and cuddle and watch movies with me. Honey is still lurking in the shadows trying to make something happen even if its by sheer force of will and I'm just like "What is going?"

But what takes the cake is today my friend, Poppa, hit me with the I should be your man, your should be my woman pitch. Adding in at the end, "You should give this young guy a shot." Now we have been hanging out a lot more lately and I did start to feel these vibes he was sending my way (We ladies always know when a dude is trying to make a play for us. We get this sense that somethings changed.) but I was hoping and praying that what happened wouldn't happen. Now he didn't just come out and say it but... I'll explain more in a later post.

Can you see my interesting position. I'm getting all these vibes that they all want me in some way. A confidant, lover, ride or die chick, friend. Some of them are a lot more vocal and clear than others about what they want but all in all they seem to be saying the same thing, I wanna be your man. I wanted just one guy but I'm finding myself with more than one guy wanting to be with me. Their actions speak towards that.

I feel like all of them expect me to say "Yes, I'll be with you and only you". They have all gotten used to me being there, answering them, talking with them, vibing with them but I chalk that up to me being a friend.

The three I really like are the Personal Trainer, Washington, and Mr. E. And to be honest if PT lived in NY this wouldn't even be an issue. And if Mr. E wasn't so busy this scenario wouldn't exist at all but anyway. I could be a girlfriend to any one of these men and potential be happy for a time but I want to be with the right one not just anyone. So I want to take my time making my decision.

2 issues arise from this

1. They may not want to wait. Which means I could miss out on that guy or if I make a hasty decision I could pick the wrong guy.
2. Once I decide he may say, "You know wat, on second thought, you're not the one for me".

*sigh* The last thing I want is hurt feelings on all sides. I don't know why I thought this would be easy.

Singleville... *smh*

...to be continued

The Ex, the MC, and Mr. E

This will be a relatively short post. Let me see if I can pull this off.

Saw The Ex last weekend. Tell me why homeboy was surprised that I didn't give him a hug and instead gave him a pat on the back. Sweetie, we are not bffs. Fool done lost his mind.

Saw the MC Monday and had to give him the "I think we should be just friends" speech. It totally sucked. He's still talking to me but ...I miss the comfort that came with that relationship. But I had to. Everything was moving so fast and I just couldn't get past his kid being 3 years younger than me. I had to end it before we got too attached.

Times Up! Mr. E's deadline to reply has come and gone. I have moved him to the friend category and that's how he will stay. He will always have a special place in my heart but if he's not ready your girl's got to move on.

Three strikes :-/ Am I out? SMH

... to be continued

I Think I Love You

Whenever a man asks you "Do you believe in love at first sight?" after three dates warning signs should flash and sirens should blare. When the MC texted me this, why did I pray that he didn't say say "I love you." What he texted was just as bad.

I Think I Love You

How can he know that? Yes, I do believe in love at first sight. I believe that you can know if you want to be with someone instantly, that you can feel a pull so strong that you know you are meant to be with that person forever, and that butterflies will flutter in your stomach uncontrollably. I just wouldn't go to that person after hanging out 3 times and tell them I think I love you. Rejection is a ... you know.

So I understand that but... I guess I'm just a cynic. I don't understand why he would feel that way about me. And to be honest this gave me pause.

I think he's a great guy, I enjoy the time I spend with him but those 4 reservations are constantly in play in the back of my mind. I hate to admit it but I thought to myself, "I wish that a certain someone else was telling me this".

I just don't feel what he feels at this moment, telling me he feels like we are soul mates and that I'm stuck with him. I'm trying to figure out if this is game he trying to run on me. What's his angle? What does he feel that I can offer him that makes me worthy of forever? Why is he so ready to settle down now? Is it me specifically he wants or is so ready for marriage that any woman would do?

When someone tells you they "think" they love you it shouldn't cause more questions than answers. While I'm flattered I'm also FREAKING OUT.

I don't want to hurt him. Lord help me.

... to be continued.

Don't Hurt Me

My heart melted when the MC told me this. What could I say? One of my biggest fears is hurting someone the way I've been hurt in the past. Being hurt by someone that you care about can be so destructive. That probably explains why I can be so closed off to men. It takes me a while to let them get close to me because I know that if I allow myself to care about them and then they hurt me it will be a tough thing for me to get over.

So when the MC told me, "Don't hurt me" I felt some of the ice around my heart start to melt. I told him I wouldn't because I know how it feels to be hurt and I truthfully don't want to but those 4 reservations I had keep nagging at me. Will I be able to handle all that he wants from me? At this point I don't know.

Even when you have the best of intentions is it inevitable that you will hurt someone? *sigh*

Singleville...

... to be continued.

Why Does He Smell So Good?

I mean it should be a crime for a man to smell that delicious. That man is the MC. I saw him Tuesday night. The minute I got in his car I immediately got hit with his most amazing scent. I thought to myself no man is supposed to smell this good. I don't know what cologne/soap combo he uses in the shower but its working for him cuz your girl was all twisted up.

His skin looked all smooth and creamy and he was playing my favorite songs on his stereo (Jodeci, New Edition, Sade, etc). Don't know what it was but I was feeling a type of way. My body was mad revved up but you'd never know it by looking at me. I was just so relaxed and mellow (and mad sleepy lol).

And he kept licking his lips. Let me tell you about these lips. Just juicy, plump lips. I just kept looking at them. It was like they were calling me. It took every ounce of self control to keep me from leaning over and kissing him. Lawd have mercy.

Then he asked me if I wanted some gum (I said no) and he started talking bout lips and I'm like "He wants to kiss me." It was way past my bedtime at this point so I'm about to go in my house and get in my bed. So I go to hug him and his lips were just there waiting and ready and... I hit him with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Lol.

I know, ya'll thinking, "What the heck?" But I'm trying out this new thing called making them work for it. I've rushed into doing the physical before. Kissing on the first date and all that and it didn't exactly work out for me the way I wanted so I thought I'd try something different. Hey, it couldn't hurt right?

He didn't seem mad and if he was then I'd know he wasn't really into me in the first place. Besides, it builds up a little bit off anticipation. Cuz if he kisses as good as his lips look... ooh chile I'ma be in trouble. Lol.

But what crazy is after we hugged his scent was on my clothes and I was all sniffing my shirt like a fiend. Lol. I'm telling you smelling that good should be a crime.

Singleville is smelling really sweet ;)

... to be continued

Introducing the MC

Ok, y'all I have to introduce you guys to the new prospect I briefly talked about in my last post. We will call him the MC. I'll explain the name in a minute.

So at first I wasn't sure if I was gonna blog about this guy cuz I wasn't sure it would go any where. He hadn't quite made it to prospect status yet. I met him on my way to the hairdresser. Yes, I met him when my hair was looking frightful. Lol. Now I was walking and I saw him approaching me out of the corner of my eye so I was trying to get to the salon before he could stop me. (Obviously I didn't make it.) He was nice but at that moment I wasn't really trying to talk to anyone and when I look back on it I was kinda rude (for me anyway) cuz I was trying to hurry up and get my hair done. I just wasn't feeling right cuz I knew my coif was looking busted. Long story short I gave him my number.

First time he called, absolute horrible timing. It was my sister's going away BBQ (tear) and I was prepping meat, running around, I was just busy. So I told him I'd call him back. Which I didn't. Not on purpose though. From that Saturday to the next was just so crazy with her packing and then leaving I just didn't have the time.

Then as I was thinking about the goings on in Singleville the last couple of months I said to myself, I have all these goals and standards that I want to meet I need to let these guys know up front what I'm about and let them decide if they can handle it. (I was riding high after reading Steve Harvey's book) So when I sent Mr. E my email I also sent the MC a text and it read

"Hey. I'm sorry I haven't called you.
Its been a crazy week.
But I don't know if I'm the girl for you.
I'm waiting til I'm married to have sex,
I believe in Jesus,
and I'm very involved in my church.
If you're down wit that cool.
But its up to you.
If u don't contact me again I'll understand.
I just thought you should know before things went any further."

If any of you are looking at me cockeyed tough noogies. Lol. I think I'm gonna take this approach from now on. I'm trying to weed out the good apples from the bad ones.

Anyway, I hadn't heard from him in 3 days after I sent that message so I thought maybe he ain't down with it and chose not to contact me no more. No worries cuz like I said I didn't really consider him a prospect yet.

I was wrong. On the third day this is the message he sends me

"Hey I just really read ur textes
I had my personal issues but ur religious beliefs r cool wit me
just as long as u don't force ur way of life on me
I may not b as spiritual as u
but I do know Jesus.
We will talk."

So we did talk 2 days later and I saw him last night. He seems to be a really nice guy and he told me his whole life story. Seriously. I just listened and I was really intrigued by his life experiences. Why is he called the MC? Because apparently he used to be up and coming in the rap world. Rubbing elbows with some serious heavy hitters.

While that was impressive its not what grabbed me. He went through some real messed up ish and he's not bitter, he can laugh and crack jokes and that is what impressed me. Now there are some things that gave me pause...

1. He's 38. There's a 15 year age difference which doesn't really bother me. Don't judge me. We should all know by now my love for older men. He didn't seem to have a problem with the age difference either but we'll see.
2. He recently got laid off. But he is working and is currently looking for a more stable situation. I can work with that.
3. He has 5 kids. Now I don't mind kids (I dated someone with kids before, met them too) but when he told me that his oldest is 3 years younger than me inside I'm like Oh MY God. That one def gave me pause. If I'm thinking long term here that could end up being an issue.
4. While his background makes for a good John Singleton film it gave me serious pause cuz that was just not my experience in a million years. I went to private school most of my life and my parents kept me and my sibs pretty sheltered. While he's not living that lifestyle anymore it still made me just a tad wary.

So those are the 4 concerns right now but I'm attracted to him and I think we clicked pretty well. He's really cool and if anything I just made a really good friend so we'll see.

In other news, Mr. E hasn't replied to the email yet. He's still got a week but after that this single girl is going to allow herself to move on.

Singleville is beginning to look interesting again. Told you last week was the quiet before the storm.

... to be continued.