Saturday, February 27, 2010

Say It Ain't So

Marvell tell me you didn't do it. :(

Ex-sportscaster Marvell Scott claims he's been framed after being charged with raping 14-year-old


... to be continued

Watching the Storm

So for the last two days I have watched snow blanket my world. I've seen it as slushy snow and a wintry wonder land. And while it was beautiful, it wasn't so beautiful as I was shoveling it. But, I was watching the storm because I was supposed to see Washington on Friday when the storm hit.

We all know that didn't happen.

So it begs the question: Was that a sign that i shouldn't go at all?


... to be continued

Friday, February 26, 2010

Been shoveling snow for the last 3 and a half hours. Looking forward to a hot shower.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

What Temperament Are U?

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything.

You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life.

You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you.

Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace.

You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life.

Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times.

At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you.

You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others.

You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.
Blogthings: We'll Tell You The Truth... Someone Has To!

This sounds just a little bit too much like me. My gosh that's crazy.

... to be continued

Monday, February 22, 2010

Feeling the Bitterness

Have you ever felt bitterness just trying to rise up in? I'm trying to fight this feeling with all my might. I'm not trying to be one those people who throws herself a self-pity party and I'm not trying to be a tired, mad, bitter black woman that the world is so fond of portraying and hating.

But it is hard sometimes not to want to let those feelings over take you. Its actually easier to be bitter and mad then to rise above it and move on. In this journey we all will experience the desire to be bitter. To snarl our teeth and lash out at a world that sometimes deals us the short end of the stick.

We'll want to blame others and hold grudges and ... I've been there. But I'm reminded of the advice I gave my young people at youth group one night last year.

We can't change other people, the families we are born into, sometimes we can't change our circumstances or the way things happen. We can't control a lot of things but we can control ourselves. How we act, how we react, what we learn, how we press on- that is what we can change.

So I'm choosing not to be bitter because things aren't going the way I might want them to go. I'm choosing to trust God and the process. This is definitely not easy for me. At all.

But life is all about choices and just because bitterness wants to pull me in I gotta fight to get outta that trap.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
Philippians 4:13 be continued   

Saturday, February 20, 2010

I wish I'd learned to love me sooner

I wish I learned to love myself. I'm still in the process and I don't have it all figured out but when you love yourself you don't take the scraps people throw at you because you realize you are worth more than that. You discover a strength and a new outlook when you look at yourself- physical, spiritual, emotional and say, "I love you" and mean it. It does something for the soul I think and you become more attractive to others and to yourself.

They keep telling me I'm too nice but if everyone was too nice like me wouldn't this world be a better place? I'm just saying.
... To be continued

Love is ... Action

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
 Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8

You decide to love someone. Its not just warm fuzzies and tinglies that run around in your body, butterflies that flap their wings because the object of your affection has entered the room. Love is action. Its a conscious decision to put someone else's thoughts, wants, needs and desires before your own. Its a conscious decision to forget past wrongs, its a conscious decision to not be rude, to be patient with them, to consider their feelings. Love is protecting one another, love is trusting each other, love is hoping in everything that they are to you, Love is never throwing in the towel. Love never falls out of love. 

If you "fall" out of love with someone then you decided that. Love doesn't just stop. And if it does I wonder if it was truly love to begin with. This isn't just romantic love but all love. We throw the word love around so carelessly knowing full well that we have no intention of being true love to that person. Trust me I don't always get this right but I do take love seriously. There are many people I care about deeply but there are few that I love honestly and truly. I love people who at times don't deserve my love but then again there are times I don't deserve their love either. Who are we to judge who does and doesn't deserve love?

Love isn't about deserving it or not. If you truly love someone its no matter what they've done, said or thought.

Love isn't empty promises and sweet words. Don't tell me you love me. Show me you love me. Not with just flowers and candy but with eyes that express what words can't, with showing me grace when I do something u think is dumb, by not putting me down, by giving me a day off to remind me of why I chose you, by not lying to me, by not giving me a reason to doubt you. There are countless ways to show true love.

I know no one can perfect loving someone. Thats not what I seek but I want someone who is willing to make the same commitment to love as I do. I'm not a perfect lover of people. I'm not pretending to be, I only know of one person who was.

I just know what love isn't. And I won't settle for what it isn't.

.... to be continued

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Its been a TOUGH week both physically and emotionally. I am exhausted. I'm confused and .... Just trying to figure it all out and i don't even know where to start. I wish i could curl up in bed for a week but i can't afford that luxury right now.. *sigh*
... To be continued.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Valentine's Day

Although this isn't my favorite holiday. The premise that we need to remember those we love is not lost on me so I dedicate this to all those in my life old, new and yet to come, alive and passed on. I love you all and I wouldn't be who I am without you.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Wishing all life, love, and happiness

Lady Dee

Saturday, February 13, 2010

To Decorate or Not to Decorate?

The question is, Is it an intimate act to help a man re-decorate his room/house/apartment?

Washington, before we broke up, had asked me to help him re-decorate his room. I agreed. I love to shop and put things together so it seemed like a no-brainer for me. So after we broke up he still asked me to help him re-decorate. Which to me wasn't that big of a deal except...

My mom didn't like it at all. She didn't like the idea when I first told her about it when him and I were together and she liked it even less now. So I was supposed to go up to his place Friday to help him but she was so adamantly against it I decided not to go. She felt it was too intimate. Something that a wife or significant other would do. (Plus, she felt Washington had an alterior motive for having me come up there *shrug*).

I didn't go so that I would have peace because I didn't really see it as a big deal but my mom was like stressing about it.

So what are your thoughts? Is it too intimate?

... to be continued

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Snow Day!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Can I Have a Picture of You??? Part 2

My good friend (side eye) struck again. (See Can I Have a Picture of You???)

So he said,

"Was just checking to see if you had changed your mind."


He says,

"Ok, my final offer...."
Drum-roll please.


People, it is a recession and I am hurting just like the next person but....

Nope, Not for Sale. 

I did almost pass out though. $12Gs! This kid must be swimming in money if he willing to part with that much cash just to get a taste of my goodies. Lord have mercy.

Thats what the love of pu$$y will do to ya. SMH. Oh, and yes, once again...
This Fool Done Lost His Mind

... to be continued. 

I Want You To Sit On My Face

Seriously?! SMH. While I'm not knocking it. Thats not the first thing you say to someone.

Giving me the rundown of wat you can do with your tongue while intriguing does not a long-term commitment make in my train of thought.

But I guess that its all about people's expectations. To me I expect that when you're introducing yourself to me you might say,

"Hi my name is (insert name) and I saw you and wanted to say hello. I am (insert age) and I would love to get a cup of coffee or go out to dinner sometime."

Call me old-fashioned but thats my expectation. 

Saying "oh, baby I wanna make you cum" and you don't even know my name yet, doesn't cut the mustard (with me anyway). Especially in this day and age it makes me wonder how many other people you done said this to and how many of them have taken you up on the offer.

So while I'm not saying that I wouldn't enjoy the ride I don't plan to be hoping on any random fool's face anytime soon. 

But thanks for the offer.

... to be continued.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Plum Tired

I hate this feeling of loneliness. I'm tempted to play Roberta but I know that will put me deeper in my funk. I want to just turn everything off and just breath for a second. I feel like everyone wants a piece of me. If I give everyone a piece what will I have left?

Baby, I'm the man for u. I'll make you feel good. I'll treat you the way a woman should be treated. Then why do I still feel this hole? How are you the man for me if you can't touch my soul? Sure you can touch my body. Anyone if they are looking to please will find a way to do so but what about my heart? What about touching the essence of who I am? Looking me in my eyes and telling me you love me for who I am. Not baby I worship your body ur so fine. Not gosh that ass, the things I could do to that ass. Not baby send me a pic. Not baby I want to see if you taste as good as you look.

I want to be told that my heart is what drew you, my mind is what glued you and the beauty of my essence is what keeps you. I am more than measurements, I am more than big lips and a fat ass, I am more than a wet hole.

I have a mind and dreams and goals and values. Stop telling me your every woman's fantasy and ask me what my fantasy is because maybe you ain't it. I'm more than empty promises you have no intention of fulfilling. Stop trying to get in my pants because when thats the only thing you show me thats the only way I see you. Stop trying to squeeze every drop of all that I've got out of me.

I feel like I have nothing left.


.... to be continued

Is It Wrong? - A Relationship for Relationshipsake

Is it wrong to be in a relationship just because you don't want to be alone? That seems like a logical no answer but many of us do it. Why do we feel the need to be with someone even if its unhealthy? Even if we know we're not ready? Even if we know that we're not right for each other, wanna kill each other?

What is it about being in a relationship that we go from rational people to irrational, lovesick puppies?

So is it wrong?

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Dwight Freeney is one sexy Jamaican. I'm having impure thoughts about that man. Yummy. Lol. One of the many reasons why i love football. Almost time for kickoff. Go Colts!!!!
Happy Super Bowl Sunday!

While I realize I am one of the few people rooting for the Colts (Peyton Manning's my boy)  I wish everyone, no matter wat side ur on a great Super Bowl. Enjoy the game!!!

Lady Dee    


That's how tall he is. Which is incredibly sexy. But.... I feel like he's too old for me.

Have you ever met someone you just clicked with? You had fun with them, comfortable, attracted to but...

If he was ten years younger or if I was ten years older this would be on and popping. Well sort of anyway. Lol. So now I'm just trying to establish a friendship which is hard when the other party wants more than that. And yes I've told me multiple times that we are just friends...Men don't like to listen to me it seems.

The even bigger issue however is my attraction to him. Coming out of a relationship your looking for comfort and he would be more than willing to give me the comfort I seek. But I'm not trying to use anyone as a rebound.

But my gosh he is tempting me. Some of the things he's told me he would do to me and some of the stories he's told me, I want to see if he's for real or just all talk. And if he's not just all talk I'ma be in trouble.

So I've been playing it cool. We just hang out on occasion. But the more time you spend with someone you like it seems you start to like them even more. He is so confident he's gonna get me to break. But I'm not ready to give in to anybody at this point.

I just don't think he'll be able to take me dodging his kisses that much longer. But we'll see. I don't plan for anything to happen and hopefully my resolve keeps.

... to be continued

Saturday, February 6, 2010

When I Tell U Something.... Believe Me

Washington never listens to me. I've explained to him about 20 times the reason why I broke it off. What does he say,

"Well my friend told me you broke up with me because you wanted to see other people"

Oh yes, absolutely this person who doesn't even know me hit the nail on the head. Because I like going out with people whose ultimate goal is to get me in their bed. I truly enjoy that. *eyeroll*

So here are the top three reasons why we are no longer together.

#1 reason
I despise conflict and he loved it. Always wanting me to debate him on this issue and that. When I take time out of my schedule to be with someone I don't want to be debating them. Where I feel like my time would have been better spent at home. I want to be able to relax and have fun and enjoy their company. And at times it felt more like he was bullying me. I hate conflict. I do anything in my power to resolve things but he likes to push and push. Even when we broke up he kept pushing me, "Why don't you just break up with me then?" Guess what? I did.

#2 reason
He liked to mock me. He made me feel like my beliefs, my desires, truly wat was in my heart was worthless. Like it was stupid and I was stupid for believing it. I'm an intelligent woman and I don't need to be patronized or have someone shake their head at me or make a joke about something I'm serious about. There were times I just wanted to slap the taste outta his mouth and then tape his lips shut because I was tired of hearing him put me down, making me feel inadequate and slow and cracking jokes about stuff that wasn't funny. Maybe I'm just too sensitive. *shrug*

#3 reason

My life is about Christ and following His will for me. If you know that its that important to me come to church with me, support the things I do, be the shoulder I can lean on when things get hard and I need you to have my back. Instead he wanted me to move away to another state with him. Away from my support system and my call and then look at me like i'm crazy.

His response:
1. We're not your parents and it wasn't an argument. We were debating. I just feel like I have to push you cuz your too nice to people.

Well he pushed me alright. He pushed me away.

2. You're too sensitive. It's a joke.


3. Why do you want your parents to raise your kids? Why can't it be just us together?

I'm wrong for wanting my children to be around their grandparents? And just us together would have drove me crazy. I would have no friends, no home church, no one who knows me to go to when you get on my nerves. I can't. Community and family are very important to me. That's how I grew up and that's what I want for my kids.

Any thoughts? I can't....

... to be continued

The Dating Game

So I'm back in the dating game. And while it may seem fast its so I don't stay home and agonize over the fact that I am single again and go back and forth in my head on whether I made the right decision even though everything screams at me I did. When I'm left to think and analyze and over-analyze a decision that is never a good thing. I'm already too much in my head as it is.

So you will be hearing about some of my latest misadventures if you will. And its even more complicated because Washington isn't ready to let go either. Lord help me. I'm just a big mass of crazy right now. Lol.

Am I ready to be in another serious relationship, not totally but I'm open to the possibilities.

Who will we be meeting? 6'8, The MC is back as is Mr. E and a few others so are u ready?

Here goes.....

My Return To Singleville

So I am a single girl once again. Yes I know, ya'll are probably like, "What happened?" The short answer, The Elephant among other things. When I looked out into my future could I see myself with Washington for the next 50 years? Could I see myself having kids with him? Living the life I desire with him?

I couldn't. While he met some of my needs he couldn't fulfill the one most important to me. Who wants to wake up one day look over and say, "What the hell was I thinking?"

Is he a bad guy? No, he's good guy he's just not the right guy for me. Is the door closed? No because I don't know what the Lord has in store and maybe something will change but right now I know that the way things were I couldn't handle anymore.

I'm used to compromising myself for the happiness of others but this time I chose MY happiness and sanity. I heard at a conference I attended that the way that you share joy and happiness with others is if you have joy and happiness inside of you and if you surround urself with those who will pour that back into you. Sounds smart to me.

Doesn't mean I don't miss him. *sighs* And doesn't mean he's taking this well either.

My search continues....

... to be continued