Reflective

This single girl has been doing some thinking and some house cleaning recently.

The Experiment that I have put into effect a little over 3 months ago has come to a point of evaluation. The guys I started the experiment out with are no longer prospects for anything other than friendship if that. (I've met some crazies, in case you didn't know)

Currently the only 2 prospects I have are Honey and Mr. E. I'm realizing that I care for Mr. E a lot more than I thought I did. And Honey reminds me of Mr. E in some ways which may be while he has been able to hold my attention.

I still talk to Mr. Smith on occasion but I feel that we are moving into that cool friendship stage. I care about him, I'm just not into him in a romantic way.

Mr. Feel Good is so sweet and can always put a smile on my face but at this moment I can't look passed anything other than friendship. I hate (I really do) that my feelings are based on seemingly superficial things. But usually for me when I nit pick like that there is usually an underlying more substantial reason. I just can't put my finger on it as yet.

So what has the experiment taught me????

1. I've learned that I am a sexy, intelligent, and worthwhile catch. My self-esteem has gotten a major boost from all of this. And while I know that value should not be found in the eyes of man, its still nice to hear. Lol. But I've come to truly love my body (including my big booty, lol), my mind, and the quirkiness that makes up who I am.
2. I've learned I don't have to settle. I like what I like. And there is nothing, NOTHING, wrong with that. My dreams, wants, and desires are just that. Mine. And the man that fits what I want is out there. I need to have faith.
3. Mr. E. I've learned that Mr. E is an integral part in me even having the ability to do this experiment. Yes this was birthed out of a convo with my cousin but before I had met him I had given up on relationships and meeting a good man. I had resigned myself to the life of a nun. (Yes, I know. I had a momentary lapse into insanity. Won't happen again.) The day I met him it was like the Ex who? Lol. And every guy I've met thus far has been compared to Mr. E. (Sorry guys) He's become so important to me in such a short time I couldn't imagine him not being a part of this journey. He makes my heart (among other things) flutter.
4. I've learned I'm changing. I'm being more up front. I'm being more assertive. Less afraid. More sure of me as a women and as a child of God. I'm starting to trust my own judgement again and heeding her wisdom.
5. I've learned that my walk with Christ trumps the booty anyday. I made a promise to my heavenly Father to wait til I'm married to have sex. And it has been a battle. These guys seem hell bent on testing my resolve. What they don't know is that the Holy Spirit walks with me and when my strength ebbs away his kicks in. I intend to keep my promise. Lord Help me.

While I continue my journey in Singleville I'm doing so more focused and not willing to lower my standards.

Thanks so much for following this journey with me. I found that I really love blogging and that its actually quite theraputic. Keep following the journey and leave your feedback cuz I truly do value your opinions.

Well the saga continues for this single girl. ;)

... to be continued

Ya Tink Ya Know Me

I was tagged by Ms. Sunshine to list 20 facts about myself that no one would know... sorry for being so late (been crazy busy) but without further ado:

1. I bit my nails til I was 13 years old. Like bit the nail totally out of the nail bed. Yes I know, disgusting. (this is shocking to most cuz my nails are mad long now)
2. I wasn't allowed to date til I was 18.
3. I went on my first date when I was 19.
4. I own 50+ pairs of shoes
5. I am severely allergic to all nuts (except roasted peanuts and creamy peanut butter), sesame seeds, Artificial (fake) strawberry and coconut, ragweed, pollen, dust, animal hair, and certain fragrances. Sad, I know :(
6. I smell all my food before I eat it. (See #5 for reason)
7. Football is my life. I follow the stats, watch the draft, have my own fantasy teams, and watch religiously on Sundays (games and highlights)
8. I'll wear men's and children's clothing if it looks good on me (Don't judge me)
9. Some of the clothes in my wardorobe are at least 40 years old if not more (vintage baby)
10. When I was a kid I put aluminum foil in the microwave and it blew up (I didn't know)
11. If my toes are cold I can't sleep. Everything else can be cold but my feets got to be warm.
12. I've had my wedding planned (dress, music, color scheme, etc.) since Jr. High. Now I just need a groom.
13. I love spicy food. If its too bland gotta add hot sauce. (This is courtesy of my grandpa. That Trinidadian hot sauce was always on the dinner table.)
14. I cook with no salt. But you would never know. In the words of one of my girls, my food is "mad seasoned". Lol
15. I love milk. Especially chocolate milk. The first memory I have as a kid was asking my mom to put chocolate milk in my bottle.
16. The nickname my young people gave at church is Grandma. I wear it like a badge of honor. I'm old-fashioned and proud of it.
17. I got my first pair of heels in 6th grade. They were brown and I wore them with everything even though it didn't match. Thats when my love affair with shoes began.
18. I've tripped up the stairs twice in public places. Once in high school and the other at Grand Central train station. Tell me why I couldn't stop laughing?
19. People thought me and my sister were twins because my mom always dressed us alike.
20. Growing up I secretly wanted to be overweight with glasses so that I looked more like everyone in my family. Bump being skinny with 20/20 vision. Lol.

There you have it. Didn't know all this about me, did ya?

If your reading this right now you are officially tagged.

Get to posting.

... to be continued

Quirkiness

I think my quirkiness shoots me in the foot sometimes. I am funny, but its that sarcastic, have to see my facial expression, situational kind of funny. So sometimes when I'm IMing, my replies can come off like I'm pissed. Which I'm not. Now for me to tell a straight up joke, nope can't do it, but I can drop down the irony and satire like nobodies bidness! lol.

While those who know me take it for what it is many guys just don't get my sense of humor. I can crack my family up with some of the quipps I be dropping but they know I'm joking and that its just a part of my personality. But this doesn't bode well for me relationship wise. Many guys take the jokes too seriously or can't handle me joking back with them. While sarcasm can make you come off as a bish, that's never my intention. Sometimes I have to make light of certain things otherwise they would break my heart.

I'm quirky. I always have been. I'm different, an outside the box type of girl. I don't really conform to the things that this world says is hot. I tried it once and didn't like it. I'd rather be misunderstood for being who I am and satisfied with myself then be a clone of what's popular and hate it. (But that's just me.) Not many people get that. So here are a list of some of the things that probably explain why I'm still single.

1. My Sarcasm
2. My "I don't care how I look today and if you do, go somewhere with yourself" attitude
3. My mean mugging stare (My mom and sis like to say I scare guys when I'm walking down the street, but its a defense mechanism because of some of the guys that have tired to talk to me. Some of them needed to get mean mugged. I actually didn't even know I did this till recently)
4. My Old Skool tastes (I like classic clothes, music. Soulful stuff. Old skool ideals. I was born in the wrong era I swear.)
5. My mothering nature
6. My "wiser than my years" personality (I seem to always be the youngest on my job, at leadership conferences, etc so I've learned somethings from the older folks I seem to always be around. While this helps in a lot of ways, one way it doesn't help is in getting a date.)
7. Being a homebody (People don't understand it but I spend most of my time out, at work or at church and what ever else I do at that time so when I get to be home and let my hair down, I enjoy it.)
8. My cynicism (Not much surprises me anymore and things that outrage people don't outrage me because I know how jacked up people can be. So why be surprised at the stupid messed up things they do? So I come off as a cynic. I say I'm a realist. *shrugs*)
9. My "I can have just as good a time by myself or in a group" mojo (I don't need people to have around me to have a good time and sometimes I like being by myself. Why is this detrimental to relationships? Because (and guys will say this is not true) when you in a relationship the dude wants to be all up under you, at least that's my experience. "Can I come over?, want to go out tonight?, baby what you doing?" There is such a thing as too much togetherness. I'm the type of person who can be in a crowded room and be in her own world. Sometimes I need space. Everyone doesn't get that.)
   
   And rounding out the top 10 things that make up my quirkiness...
10. My use of big words (You probably looking at me like, What? But I love words and I think in these big words that a lot of dudes don't know the meaning of. My sister likes to tell me I like to use my big dictionary words. But the underlying issue here is education. I want a guy on my level but many dudes nowadays don't complete college. I'm not saying that is a requirement to date me. My dad didn't finish college and he's one of the smartest people I know. But he's educated and that's what's lacking sometimes. I want an educated due. I hate the blank stare I get when I'm flowing and I realize I lost them with a word I used or when I can't even broach a discussion on a current events issue because I know they probably won't know what I'm talking about.

So... yeah. I have a lot of great qualities but my quirkiness is one of those obstacles that is keeping me in Singleville that much longer. Are the things on this list that terrible?

Would I change me? Absolutely not. I like who I am and I hadn't been able to say that in earlier times in my life. This just means that there is some special guy out there who is looking for a 5'4 woman, who likes old skool music, has a cooky sense of humor, uses big words, loves God and love to eat! He's out there. God's grooming him for me.

Mr. E...*sigh*

...to be continued