U Can't Be Serious?!

Washington continuously proves to me why I made the RIGHT decision in breaking it off with him.

He continues to try to convince me that what I believe is wrong. He is doing everything in his power. He even told me to use my brain because I am too grown to believe in God!

I don't understand his process. Does he seriously think I can sway me from my faith? Does he think that he can get me back by critizing me and what is a part of me?

I have been in a relationship with God for almost 20 years and He has proven time and again that He is faithful, He loves me, and wants the very best for my life. How could he possibly think that I would end my 18 year relationship with God for him?

It seems like we always have the same conversation and I'm tired. I've stopped explaining why, I've stopped entertaining him really. I let him talk and then I say, "ok wateva". I not gonna change his mind and he DEFINITELY ain't changing mine.

But he really can't be serious if he thinks this approach is gonna make me come running back to him. Smh.

... to be continued.

The Elephant

I know I've been talking about this Elephant for the longest time so without further ado...

The huge elephant in the room of our relationship is: faith.

I'm a Christian and doesn't believe... at all. His faith is in people. Why is this a problem? I'm very involved in my church, my dad is a pastor, and I never thought I'd be with someone who wasn't a believer. Now with most guys when I learn that our faiths differ I no longer pursue a romantic interest.

But Washington is a conundrum. He doesn't mind discussing my faith and he says its one of the things he loves about me; how strong my faith is. And if I'm honest with myself he is the best relationship I've ever had. He truly cares for me, he wants me in his life, he has no problem telling people about me, he wants to do whatever he can to make me happy, he includes me in his future plans and he wants to impress my parents. After dating so many duds I finally have found a good one but...

"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"

2 Corinthians 6:14

While he doesn't feel this is a big deal this is waring within me constantly cuz I can't ignore what the Word of God says. Yet, I feel that all things happen for a reason. That we were meant to meet. That God placed him in my life for such a time as thisw. Wat that reason is I have yet to figure out. But, I'm on the journey to find out.

My fear is falling in love with him and then having to let him go. *sigh* God forbid. I have to trust that He'll work everything out.

I'll keep you posted.

... to be continued

I'll Call You Later

I don't know how many times I've heard this but I rather not, cuz its not true. Guys say this all the time. Its like one of those thing to say in conversation that you really don't mean but think the other party wants to hear. If your not gonna follow thru the call than don't tell me you'll call.

It's like that episode of Friends (yes I said Friends, don't judge me) when Rachel hooks Chandler up with her boss. Chandler doesn't like her boss but keeps telling this woman, "I'll call you". This poor lady keeps expecting him to call but he never does. And Rachel is freaking out cuz she set them up and she doesn't want her boss to hate her. So hilarity ensues and it makes for a very funny episode.

What I'm talking about starts at 1:00.


I've stopped believing this after I heard it a handful of times and the dude didn't call.

What's interesting to me is how a dude can get mad at you for not calling/texting them but don't see the problem in not hitting you back, LIKE THE SAID THEY WOULD. Does, "I'll Call You Later" in manspeak mean, "Baby, if I don't call you should call me"? I'm baffled. This happens especially with Spike and T-Bear. They will say, "I'll call you later" and they don't call. Not even text to say, "My bad, I got caught up" or something to that affect. But let me not hit them up... goodness I get told I'm running away and forgetting about people. Now I start each relationship (if you can call it that) by checking in with the guy I'm interested in every so often. But if you don't keep my interest I start doing it less and less. (Unfortunately thats just about the time I've really got the guy interested in me) Thats when the guy should step his game up, if he's truly interested, right? The one thing I respected about The Ex (there's not much I do respect) is when he said he'd call, he called. No matter how late, he called.

So my thing is, if your not gonna call, don't say you'll call. You have us all sitting by our phones waiting while you done forgot about the call you promised to make. I no longer trust this phrase. And if you say it enough and don't follow through I begin to not trust you either. Of all the things I love about Mr. E this is one of the things I just can't stand.

Now have I been guilty of this a time or two. Sure. But its so rare cuz I know how aggravated it makes me. And if I don't call that day I send a text that night and call the next day.

So why do guys say, "I'll Call You Later" and not follow through? I'd rather you not say anything and surprise me with a call. It'll make my day cuz it'll let me know I'm on your mind. The former lets me know you done forgot about me which doesn't help your cause.

So gentlemen, don't say it unless you mean it!

Oh Singleville...

...to be continued.

At Peace

My grandpa passed away yesterday morning. Most will probably think me heartless with my next comment but tough.

I'm not sad. I'm relieved and happy. For the last couple of months its been hard, knowing that he could choke to death and then him falling. It was breaking my heart that the man I knew as strong and independent was becoming frail and dependent on others for his care. He was feeling like a burden when that was the furthest thing from the truth and he wanted to go home to be with the Lord.

How can you be sad that one of the people you love most is now free from pain? Will I miss him? Of course. He was my last living grandparent and one of the sweetest people in life. But just knowing that he's not suffering anymore, that he's finally with my grandma (his wife, who his missed all this time. She died October 2003), and that he's free gives me peace.

No more choking, no more falling, no longer frail because for him absent from the body is present with the Lord. He has a new body free from cancer, that stands up straight without assistance, in a place where only happiness can abide. I have happiness and peace knowing that he is free. And hope.

Hope that one day freedom will come for me. Freedom from choking, freedom from falling, freedom from fraility.

And one day, I'll see him again...

London Bridges Falling Down

At 91 with throat cancer you would think that you would be out for the count, lying in your bed, letting people wait on you hand and foot. Obviously, you haven't met Cyril Herron. My grandfather is one of the most independent people I know. He wants to get up and walk around, and do this a do that like he is still 90 or something. Well this past weekend he and his stubborn self got up to do it himself, which comes as no surprise (when he was in the hospital he was MIA because he decided he wanted to go for a walk).

What is surprising is that he fell. Now if he was a spring chicken this would be no big deal but he's not. (Hence the title of this blog.) And the reason for concern. We all know he's not gonna take this lying down.

It just goes to show that God can make a lesson out of anything. How many times have I fallen? Tons. I'm not a young spring chicken in my faith (I've been a believer for 16 years). With each new fall it gets harder to get up from.

My little cousin is who found because even though nobody thinks she's listen she always is. Just like God is and before you know it help is coming.

When haven't we all felt frail and still wanted to show we could do it? When haven't we fallen? But I want to be like my grandpa. Although he fell (he's alright thank God) I know his spirit isn't broken and I know that he will try to get up and forge ahead again on his own.

The next time I fall I want to be able to get back up and try again. I don't want my spirit to be broken or to stop in fear from doing something great. My grandfather has taught me that life will try to knock you down but that doesn't mean you don't fight with everything you have left.
He's fighting, everyday, and we know that he won't necessarily get "well" again but his spirit, his heart, his pride that will never leave him.

Is my spirit, is my heart that strong? Does my pride in who I am in Christ trump all that life throws? With all the falls come new experiences, new challenges, new nuggets of wisdom. Will I have the courage to get up and forge on?

If God is always there ready to pick me back up, why not?

Didn't mean to be preachy, I'm just writing what's on my heart. I really appreciate your prayers.

I'll keep you posted.

The Unfairness of it All

My grandpa is still not doing well. My dad says that it getting harder and you just wonder why? My grandpa is the sweetest man you could know. Always willing to help. So loving, so active, so strong. And now... You wish that God would take him home. If anyone deserves it its him. You can never say that he wasn't a man of God. His life is a testament of his faith and commitment to the Kingdom. But God knows all and everything works for good for those who are the called according to His purpose. As a believer this is hard because you don't to see him suffer. But God knows how much he can bear and how much our family can bear. Although I wonder at the unfairness of it all I know God is good and that He knows what He's doing. I am so thankful for all the prayers for my family. The power of prayer is beyond words. It's something you have to witness to understand. No matter what happens, to God be the glory. Soon he won't be choking anymore and neither will I.