It wasn't a date, It was therapy!

Lol. So the title doesn't begin to explain this but here goes.

I am apart of the eHarmony community. My name is Dee and I am an online dater. There, I said it. I confess. Lol.

Anyway, this past Saturday I met one of my matches. He's a divorced father of two and came down here from Philly. Now its a Saturday, my usual lazy day and we're are supposed to be hanging for the day so I went casual: hair pulled up in a ponytail, gray skinny jeans, tee-shirt with a pullover hoodie, and my fuggs (cuz they ain't real uggs). I thought I looked presentable but apparently not because when I met him in Manhattan he had on dress clothes. So I tried to downplay it by cracking a joke about how our signals got crossed as far as our clothes and he said, "That's not my fault." Strike one against me.

So I take him to a diner in my neighborhood for lunch. We go in, sit down and I didn't realize what I was in for. I'm not a very talkative person especially if I don't know you but he felt I was too quiet. Maybe I was because the vibe he was giving me didn't lend itself to me opening up to him. One thing people might not know is that I like a man who can carry the conversation. It shows me what he knows, what his interests are and if they click with mine.

Now he could carry a conversation but it seemed like the conversation became a critique of me! He started by saying I wasn't truly being myself. That if I gave him 6 months he could bring the true me out and I would like my new self. So I'm thinking to myself, "What's wrong with who I am?" Apparently lots of thinks. Lol.

So, I'm too self-conscious. Now I will admit that I have body issues. But honestly what woman isn't a little self-conscious? So I dress to hide certain things. Its not like I wear a potato sack but for him I wasn't dressed sexy enough. I should have put my best foot forward to make him say, "Wow I want to come out here next weekend." (Don't you love when they assume they'll get a second date).

Ok, so I should have got my hair done, I should have shown more of my curves and I should have worn high heels. Hair? Ok maybe it wasn't salon perfect. I'll give him that. More of my curves? There is no way I can hide all my curves and I didn't try to either. But #1 I'm a B cup so its not like they are popping out and #2 as many times as u checked me out from the back u didn't see what I was working with? Then thats on you. And the heels, I'm walking all over creation with you and you want me to where heels? Thats just unrealistic. But it gets better.

Then he points out to me all the women I should have dressed like who dressed for their man, to give him that feeling of stimulation. *side eye* He said I need to be confident in what I have so that I will dress to show it off and be able to "shake what ya momma gave ya." Hmmmm. Yeah. Ok.

Then he points at my ears. "Whats all that?" Mind you I have 4 holes on each ear but I was only wearing three earrings at the time. "Why is this necessary?" Now I'm like bruh u trippin'. I'm not the most pierced girl on the block by any means and he had a problem. "I'll buy you some nice earring."  It was starting to sound to me like he wanted to make into his Stepford wife. No thank you.

All in all (according to him) I didn't put my best foot forward and first impressions are everything. Did he honestly think he was making a good first impression on me? Did he think him checking out other women was a good look or telling me how he told his waitresses at the restaurant he used to manage to dress sexier to get better tips was good first date conversation material?

Then for him to say, "This is me. I'm just saying whats on my heart." Check please. I couldn't get rid of this guy fast enough.

So we're on the bus ride back to the city and he tells me I'm wasting my potential at the job I'm at. Not that I asked. That I'm wasting my 20s because I'm too responsible. Who says that? But what really clinched it for me was this, "If I come back to NY to see you I will see if you have taken what I've said to heart because you will dress differently." Wow. When we got to the bus station I was so happy his bus was right there. God is so GOOD to me. That was the first genuine smile I cracked the whole date. Lol.

So for $9 (Metrocard fare) I got a therapy session I didn't even want. But hey, in this economy it was still a steal. It helped me realize that I like me and I am beautiful and while I am a work in progress being me is quite alright.

The comedy of the day was (after he tore me to shreds), "But I'm really glad to see you face to face."

LMAO. Bruh please. Needless to say there will be no more visits... to see me at least.

... to be continued

He's Married!

So here's the entire story of what happened last night.

I have been talking to the Personal Trainer for a little over a month even though it felt much longer. I first introduced him as my text buddy. Somehow our relationship progressed so much further than that. We would talk everyday. When I mean everyday, I'm talking waking up to texts, talking before we went to bed, sometimes talking all day on Saturdays. And we were talking about some really deep stuff about our feelings, our families. I thought I had a serious connection with him. Mind you I was trying to figure out how this could possibly work because we didn't live in the same state and he was joining the army but when I asked him about it he said that he saw us as getting closer and didn't foresee our relationship changing. He even invited me to come to Georgia to spend the weekend with him.

So I'm thinking its all good, we're on the same page right?

We'll in my post Georgia Peach I talked about going to visit him. My Aunt read my post and commented on it, telling me to send her his name so she can check him out for me. Thinking everything was everything I obliged. She messages me back saying to ask him if he lives in Conyers and knows this woman. He does live in Conyers so I texted him asking if he knew her. I was thinking it was maybe she's a sister or a cousin or maybe his mother but this is what he texts back.

"Yes. She's my wife."

I paused. Like as if you pressed paused on your dvd player. I paused put my phone down and let it sit for a minute. I was stunned to say the least. Was this a joke? So I texted back, "R u serious?"

So wait about 10 minutes because thats how long I waited for a response I never got before I texted, "Were u ever gonna tell me?" He finally texts back

"Yes, but I didn't know how after I didn't tell you the first time we talked. How did u find out?"

How did I find out?! Why the heck didn't you tell me you (insert a random slew of expletives here). The thing is if my Aunt hadn't asked me for his name and then asked me to ask him if he knew that woman I would have never known. I mean I was making plans to spend money to go see this fool, I shared thoughts with him I don't share with anybody because he opened himself up to me. All the things he told me about his life he didn't think that telling me he had a wife and 2 boys was important? WTF?!

So he called me later that night. By now this had sunk in and hearing him talk I began to cry. I hate to admit that I did. And I held it together during most of the call but as I began asking him questions and he kept saying I don't know I couldn't hold it. I was so hurt. Like how can you not know? At any point you could have said Dee, I gotta tell you something. But no, I had to find out indirectly from someone else who didn't even know she was outing you. At least he came out with it straight up but my goodness... he woulda let me come to Georgia and cheat on his wife with me. And I would never know. What if she had seen us together ir found his phone? *smh*

When I asked him if he woulda ever told me he was like uh, well yeah but ... BS.

Then when I asked how he thought us could work he was like, "I was still trying to figure that out."

But what really took the cake was that he was more upset that he hurt me. Me? Not that he could've hurt the other woman he made a vow to, not the fact that a family was almost destroyed. No, he was more upset that he hurt me and mad me cry.

I kept thinking, how do you explain something like that to your kids? He coulda got me got by his wife and I woulda been oblivious as to why. He knows I'm not that type of person. I'm not a husband stealer. And he's been with his wife for years. Their oldest child is 12!

Only God in his awesome power could have orchestrated this. My mom kept telling me he was hiding something and this was more than coincidence that my Aunt would ask me to ask him this woman's name and it would be his wife.

My heart hurts but I thank God that this didn't escalate beyond this point. I can still pick up the pieces and move on cuz I did nothing wrong. I can still hold my head high.

Then he had the nerve to say, "Can I text you later?"

WTF?!

Singleville have mercy on me please.

... to be continued.

Collect Calls

I figured out who the collect calls are coming from. I got another one over the weekend. I didn't accept it of course but now (this is like the third one) I need to find out who the heck is blowing up my phone from jail. At first I thought they were from Trig but then I saw the area code of the number and looked it up. Its for upstate NY. Trig is in NC. So its not him. The last person I was talking to who was upstate was ...Mr. Feel Good.

Remember I said that he just seemed to disappear with no explanation.

So... Mr. Feel Good Disappearing + Collect calls from an inmate from Upstate NY = Mr. Feel Good in the clink

And Lady Dee is saying ... boy are you crazy. I ain't your girlfriend, baby momma, or even your sex buddy. I'm not even a hook up. Why are you calling me?! Sure I wanted to know what happened to him (I know now) but what do you want me to do for you? I'm not coming to visit and I'm not sending you money so...

In any event at least I now know what happened but these guys man. SMH. Get it together.

... to be continued

U & Air

Like the post title? You'll see why this is the reason I didn't go see Spike over the weekend.

So as I was telling ya'll Spike after a few weeks of no communication decided that he was gonna come back at me with a vengeance. He was sending me all these texts. Saying that he was sorry for not keeping up with me but he's definitely interested. Started calling me beautiful and sexy. Telling me that he's attracted to my aura. Say what? Where is all of this coming from?

So on Saturday he hits me with these long text messages talking about because I told him I'm a busy girl that he went into "causal mode" which is why he chose the first meeting that never happened (see Friday Night in the Village) instead of something more him and me. What does that mean? He goes on to say we should have connected on a more meaningful level a long time ago because our characters connect peacefully. And taking it one step further he was like,

"You should be over here at my cozy little table for two in front of the big screen, scented candle burning, some food and drinks laughing and enjoying the moment."

So I'm reading all of this quite amused. I'm like wow its like that? Now I had to go back through the texts because I just wanted to make sure that I had read the 1st two correctly. What was I looking for? This:

"There's been nothing between us but u and air"

Pause. So what he's saying is the reason why we weren't a we is because of me and air (yeah all the hot air inside ur head). WTF? Is he serious. Yes he was serious.

"if u and the air wouldn't have been in the way, by now you would have been bringing your bunny slippers, headscarf and toothbrush."

SMH. Absolutely not. What he doesn't know is the minute I realized we had different religious backgrounds he was no longer a prospect. I just wanted to see if this young girl could get this older man to see she's not that young afterall. And my thing is this. If you wanted me so bad why didn't you make a move. You want me to come see you? Why don't you come see me my dude. But it gets better.

So then he calls me after our little text exchange. Basically reiterating that my busyness kept us from being this great power couple. (serious eyeroll) Telling me that I was almost too good of a woman for him to date. (Not almost, AM) The kicker was when he told me early on he had tested me to see if I was being for real when I said that I was busy and that my priorities were work, church and family. Apparently I passed the test because now I was deemed worthy to be his woman. However, that statement got me thinking. If I hadn't passed the test basically what he was saying was that he would of used me as a plaything. And then what? Tossed me away when you were done? I don't even think so.

I'm all for confidence in a man. I love it. But cockiness? Can't stand it. Don't want any part of it. When you think so highly of yourself that you can tell a woman the only thing keeping ya'll apart is her and the air and then think she gonna hightail herself over to your place you love yourself enough to be ALONE.

Don't get me wrong I am busy. So I can see how a guy could get frustrated. But I always find time for the people that I love, care about and respect. I'll make the time for a guy I'm into but he's got to meet me half way otherwise I'll move on. (My schedule is tight so I'm not that impromtu type of girl. When I say I'm free catch me. Lol.) I'm not chasing no man. My Bible tells me, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing." He who finds.

But I fixed him. I gave him hope that I might do it. I never had the intention of traveling all the way to his place late at night on the train and I got church in the morning. Please. So Sunday he hoped I would come see him. Double no. It's the Lord's Day and I usually don't travel too far from home. So he called me . I let it go to voicemail. So he sent me a text on Monday saying he actually thought he was gonna see me Saturday. (Is that a touch of scarcasm I hear?)

I decided enough was enough. So I sent this in reply.

"Speaking of Saturday, I think you may be right about me and air . I've got a lot of things going on and I think our paths are going in different directions"

Guys, NEVER assume that we want you just cuz you want us. That's not how it works. Rule of thumb never, no matter how fine, think you are what we missing in our lives. Cuz as Spike found out I'm not missing him at all.

Singleville is a trip. I tell you. He sure gave me a laugh.

First Impressions

First impressions are everything. When you first meet someone this is crucial. I know this to be true because I've been told that at first I come off mean and rude to people when they first meet me. I can see how this could be true. I'm a quiet and reserved person by nature. It takes me a while to warm up to people.

So I met up with one of my prospects this passed weekend. (See New Prospects) This the medical student. Another one bites the dust. Now I'll preface this by saying that I wasn't looking my sexiest. Dude wanted to see me real bad. Saturday nights are my youth nights at the church. I'm the leader, I don't got no one I'm trying to impress but Jesus and he says come as you are so I came in my leggings and a baggy shirt. I mean I didn't look tore up but if I could I woulda went home first to change. But he wanted to meet up real quick so thats what impatience gets you.

Anyway, dude is mad cocky and started off on the wrong foot from jump. I love confidence but cockiness irks my nerve. It makes me want to knock you down a peg. It was a weird situation cuz I was over someone's house with my fam at the time. Mom, dad and sibs; but I didn't really want him to meet my people cuz it had potential to be awkward. What if I didn't like him? What if I really did like him? So we decided to meet at the corner. (I know, the corner but he was on my home turf and my family knew where I was.)

So when he gets to where I am he calls and I go out to where he is. I walk to his car and I get in and he's like, "U just gonna roll up to my car like that?" Whoa, what? Now he was joking but that ish ain't funny. So, strike one. So we pull over not too far from where my fam is at and we get out of the car (he said it was mad hot inside the car, whatever) and are talking outside. The strikes just kept on coming.

Strike two: trying to tell me I don't know where I live. What?! I've lived in my neighborhood for 21 years. In my current house 10, I know where I live homie.

Strike three: clowning on my religion. Now I'm a tolerant person. I don't push my beliefs on anyone. If you ask me a question about my faith I'll answer it. But don't make fun of what I believe. We can agree to disagree. Thats cool. But I get hot off of ignorant foolishness. Some things just ain't funny bruha. I don't care what experience you had with church in the past please respect me. Its about mutual respect. I could said some choice things about you but I didn't out of respect. See. Respect. I don't believe in church and rituals. I believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and yes there is a difference. (End of rant)

Dude's ride is tight, he was rocking all this bling, good looking but he was just mad ugly to me. His personality stunk. He was cocky and arogant. He seemed to be mad into himself cuz everytime I spoke he kept saying "huh?" like I wasn't standing right there and what I had to say was irrelevant. He was cursing and usually it doesn't really bother me but man it was grating on my nerves (expand your vocabulary please) cuz it was these random outbusts. After awhile I was just staring at him with a fake smile, saying "yeah uh huh", thinking, 'I need an excuse to bounce cuz I'm so through. I'm wasting my time.'

That excuse came when my dad called my phone. Perfect. I was like well that was my dad and I'm bout to leave so... yeah... bye.

Haven't called or texted him (he hasn't called or texted me either which isn't a bad thing).

First impressions people can make or break a date. Yeah maybe my appearance that night wasn't noteworthy that night (I've been hit on wearing far worse, trust me) but even though he looked fly he was grotesque because his personality was just so horrible.

I've never before now met someone so nice looking on the outside that was this ugly on the inside.

Guys being rude and into yourself is not a turn on. If the person you trying to impress is turned off by your personality than all that outside beauty is a waste. *smh*

On a lighter, I spoke to Mr. E today. Now there goes a man who made a good first impression. *sigh*

... to be continued

Done before it even started

Well I told you about Spike like a post (or two) ago. I spoke to him last night and I found out that we are from different religions. In a romantic relationship that's a deal breaker for me.

Don't get mad at me for this. I believe (and my Bible tells me) that you and your partner should be of like mind. Especially because I hope that my life in singleville will be short and that I will move to marry-wood soon I'm constantly looking at things that could cause issues down the road. This is one of them. When you start talking about kids (I want to raise mine in church), my life in ministry (at my church), my family (my father is the pastor of my church) dealing with someone who doesn't think as you or believe as you does not a happy relationship/marriage make.

So he has been moved to the friend category which isn't a bad thing because I can always use a friend who is goal oriented, challenges me mentally and can open my eyes to new things. But I am a little sad. I was actually looking forward to where this could have gone.

But (sigh) as far as having a romantic relationship? Its a no go.

Another one bits the dust. :(

...to be continued