Date Night

So 2 Fridays past (I'm kinda late writing this huh? lol.) I went out with 6'8. I wore this cute sundress, my hair was done in these nice curls; I had him dreaming about that outfit for days. I looked hot (lol) but anyway it was a gorgeous day. We went to the South Street Seaport. Went to this cute little restaurant and ate outside near the water. It was so romantic and I was definitely feeling the atmosphere so we kissed. And it was...

Ok.

Maybe I put too much weight on kissing but I want to be wowed when I'm kissed.

Now that being said. We have gone out every Friday since then. I always enjoy myself. Some of the places he has taken me have been amazing. We have kissed on more than one occasion but I still haven't been wowed and I'm still holding back...

Its interesting to me because I can't exactly pinpoint what it is that is giving me pause. Don't get me wrong, I think he's great and there is a great deal of chemistry and attraction between us but as I think of long-term; us meeting the others respective families, taking this relationship to the next level I question is this what I want.

I have thought about if this could lead to something. Marriage. He has talked about this candidly and his desire to get married and have kids. So of course I have thought about it. And he seems to think I make a good candidate for the position. But... 

Will this make me happy? It would make him happy but would me just going with the flow of things be trying to fulfill his happiness and put mine secondary?

Its funny because I used to hate being home on a Friday Night but now I'm finding that I'm at a place where I don't want to have a date just to say I have one.

I want something meaningful. Now I've always thought this way but my actions didn't show this to be true. I don't want to be in a relationship just because I can, I want to be with the man I'm supposed to spend my life with.

Could that be 6'8? Anything is possible I've come to discover but at this moment I'm not certain or sold.

Lots to think about and pray about.

... to be continued

Holding Me Back

I like 6'8. A lot. But something is holding me back.

He is great. When we go out we have so much fun. Its flirty, its fun, its so nice.

So what is holding me back?

I feel like its a combo of things. 

1. Though it feels right am I ready for another relationship so soon?
2. His age is throwing me. 20 years is a HUGE gap.
3. I know that marriage is on his mind, is his goal sooner rather than later am I ready, stable enough for that commitment? If we were to get married would we be able to grow old together?
4. Do I want to raise my kids by myself in the event he did pass away. 
5. How will my family react to this relationship?

(Yes I do think about all these things.) 

I haven't even kissed him yet. The chemistry is there. Its electric but I can't bring myself to do so. I can't  kiss someone and not be all in. I want to be. It wouldn't be fair to not be available heart, body and soul. I don't want to give a piece of myself just like I don't want some one to only give me a piece of them. I want to be able to give all of me. Thats the only way I do relationships. 

I can't help thinking, "Gosh I wish he were 10 years younger" 

...and that my heart was totally free. *sigh*


... to be continued.

Washington....Hmmm

I saw Washington last Friday and had a great time. :-/

Why the face? Because the day before that me and PT had an amazing convo. Why was it amazing? Because we both shared pieces of ourselves we almost never share with anyone. Our emotions. *sigh* Do you know how hard it is to find a guy I can share my mind with? Do you know how much harder it is to get him to share his with you? It seems we've taken this to a whole other level.

But... when I was with Washington it was so easy. The convo flowed I didn't feel awkward, nervous, none of this first time jitters people usually have. I was able to just be, you would of thought we had been seeing each other for year the way we interacted and vibed. It was just sooooo EASY. (I like easy, everything else in life is so complicated)

So what is a single girl to do? I can't really compare them because I haven't spent time in PT physical presence. What I do know is that when I was with Washington I was with him. I wasn't daydreaming, I was totally there in the moment with him.

The problem is, I'm a "what if" girl? I always wonder what could have been and I won't let it go til I know. PT is my "what if". I can't let him go until we meet face to face and I know yes we can make this work or no we can't. Which means I can't really move forward with Washington cuz in the back of my mind will be PT. Ugh. Hopefully all will be revealed soon.

In the mean time I see Washington again this Friday :)

Introducing the MC

Ok, y'all I have to introduce you guys to the new prospect I briefly talked about in my last post. We will call him the MC. I'll explain the name in a minute.

So at first I wasn't sure if I was gonna blog about this guy cuz I wasn't sure it would go any where. He hadn't quite made it to prospect status yet. I met him on my way to the hairdresser. Yes, I met him when my hair was looking frightful. Lol. Now I was walking and I saw him approaching me out of the corner of my eye so I was trying to get to the salon before he could stop me. (Obviously I didn't make it.) He was nice but at that moment I wasn't really trying to talk to anyone and when I look back on it I was kinda rude (for me anyway) cuz I was trying to hurry up and get my hair done. I just wasn't feeling right cuz I knew my coif was looking busted. Long story short I gave him my number.

First time he called, absolute horrible timing. It was my sister's going away BBQ (tear) and I was prepping meat, running around, I was just busy. So I told him I'd call him back. Which I didn't. Not on purpose though. From that Saturday to the next was just so crazy with her packing and then leaving I just didn't have the time.

Then as I was thinking about the goings on in Singleville the last couple of months I said to myself, I have all these goals and standards that I want to meet I need to let these guys know up front what I'm about and let them decide if they can handle it. (I was riding high after reading Steve Harvey's book) So when I sent Mr. E my email I also sent the MC a text and it read

"Hey. I'm sorry I haven't called you.
Its been a crazy week.
But I don't know if I'm the girl for you.
I'm waiting til I'm married to have sex,
I believe in Jesus,
and I'm very involved in my church.
If you're down wit that cool.
But its up to you.
If u don't contact me again I'll understand.
I just thought you should know before things went any further."

If any of you are looking at me cockeyed tough noogies. Lol. I think I'm gonna take this approach from now on. I'm trying to weed out the good apples from the bad ones.

Anyway, I hadn't heard from him in 3 days after I sent that message so I thought maybe he ain't down with it and chose not to contact me no more. No worries cuz like I said I didn't really consider him a prospect yet.

I was wrong. On the third day this is the message he sends me

"Hey I just really read ur textes
I had my personal issues but ur religious beliefs r cool wit me
just as long as u don't force ur way of life on me
I may not b as spiritual as u
but I do know Jesus.
We will talk."

So we did talk 2 days later and I saw him last night. He seems to be a really nice guy and he told me his whole life story. Seriously. I just listened and I was really intrigued by his life experiences. Why is he called the MC? Because apparently he used to be up and coming in the rap world. Rubbing elbows with some serious heavy hitters.

While that was impressive its not what grabbed me. He went through some real messed up ish and he's not bitter, he can laugh and crack jokes and that is what impressed me. Now there are some things that gave me pause...

1. He's 38. There's a 15 year age difference which doesn't really bother me. Don't judge me. We should all know by now my love for older men. He didn't seem to have a problem with the age difference either but we'll see.
2. He recently got laid off. But he is working and is currently looking for a more stable situation. I can work with that.
3. He has 5 kids. Now I don't mind kids (I dated someone with kids before, met them too) but when he told me that his oldest is 3 years younger than me inside I'm like Oh MY God. That one def gave me pause. If I'm thinking long term here that could end up being an issue.
4. While his background makes for a good John Singleton film it gave me serious pause cuz that was just not my experience in a million years. I went to private school most of my life and my parents kept me and my sibs pretty sheltered. While he's not living that lifestyle anymore it still made me just a tad wary.

So those are the 4 concerns right now but I'm attracted to him and I think we clicked pretty well. He's really cool and if anything I just made a really good friend so we'll see.

In other news, Mr. E hasn't replied to the email yet. He's still got a week but after that this single girl is going to allow herself to move on.

Singleville is beginning to look interesting again. Told you last week was the quiet before the storm.

... to be continued.

Reflective

This single girl has been doing some thinking and some house cleaning recently.

The Experiment that I have put into effect a little over 3 months ago has come to a point of evaluation. The guys I started the experiment out with are no longer prospects for anything other than friendship if that. (I've met some crazies, in case you didn't know)

Currently the only 2 prospects I have are Honey and Mr. E. I'm realizing that I care for Mr. E a lot more than I thought I did. And Honey reminds me of Mr. E in some ways which may be while he has been able to hold my attention.

I still talk to Mr. Smith on occasion but I feel that we are moving into that cool friendship stage. I care about him, I'm just not into him in a romantic way.

Mr. Feel Good is so sweet and can always put a smile on my face but at this moment I can't look passed anything other than friendship. I hate (I really do) that my feelings are based on seemingly superficial things. But usually for me when I nit pick like that there is usually an underlying more substantial reason. I just can't put my finger on it as yet.

So what has the experiment taught me????

1. I've learned that I am a sexy, intelligent, and worthwhile catch. My self-esteem has gotten a major boost from all of this. And while I know that value should not be found in the eyes of man, its still nice to hear. Lol. But I've come to truly love my body (including my big booty, lol), my mind, and the quirkiness that makes up who I am.
2. I've learned I don't have to settle. I like what I like. And there is nothing, NOTHING, wrong with that. My dreams, wants, and desires are just that. Mine. And the man that fits what I want is out there. I need to have faith.
3. Mr. E. I've learned that Mr. E is an integral part in me even having the ability to do this experiment. Yes this was birthed out of a convo with my cousin but before I had met him I had given up on relationships and meeting a good man. I had resigned myself to the life of a nun. (Yes, I know. I had a momentary lapse into insanity. Won't happen again.) The day I met him it was like the Ex who? Lol. And every guy I've met thus far has been compared to Mr. E. (Sorry guys) He's become so important to me in such a short time I couldn't imagine him not being a part of this journey. He makes my heart (among other things) flutter.
4. I've learned I'm changing. I'm being more up front. I'm being more assertive. Less afraid. More sure of me as a women and as a child of God. I'm starting to trust my own judgement again and heeding her wisdom.
5. I've learned that my walk with Christ trumps the booty anyday. I made a promise to my heavenly Father to wait til I'm married to have sex. And it has been a battle. These guys seem hell bent on testing my resolve. What they don't know is that the Holy Spirit walks with me and when my strength ebbs away his kicks in. I intend to keep my promise. Lord Help me.

While I continue my journey in Singleville I'm doing so more focused and not willing to lower my standards.

Thanks so much for following this journey with me. I found that I really love blogging and that its actually quite theraputic. Keep following the journey and leave your feedback cuz I truly do value your opinions.

Well the saga continues for this single girl. ;)

... to be continued

First Impressions

First impressions are everything. When you first meet someone this is crucial. I know this to be true because I've been told that at first I come off mean and rude to people when they first meet me. I can see how this could be true. I'm a quiet and reserved person by nature. It takes me a while to warm up to people.

So I met up with one of my prospects this passed weekend. (See New Prospects) This the medical student. Another one bites the dust. Now I'll preface this by saying that I wasn't looking my sexiest. Dude wanted to see me real bad. Saturday nights are my youth nights at the church. I'm the leader, I don't got no one I'm trying to impress but Jesus and he says come as you are so I came in my leggings and a baggy shirt. I mean I didn't look tore up but if I could I woulda went home first to change. But he wanted to meet up real quick so thats what impatience gets you.

Anyway, dude is mad cocky and started off on the wrong foot from jump. I love confidence but cockiness irks my nerve. It makes me want to knock you down a peg. It was a weird situation cuz I was over someone's house with my fam at the time. Mom, dad and sibs; but I didn't really want him to meet my people cuz it had potential to be awkward. What if I didn't like him? What if I really did like him? So we decided to meet at the corner. (I know, the corner but he was on my home turf and my family knew where I was.)

So when he gets to where I am he calls and I go out to where he is. I walk to his car and I get in and he's like, "U just gonna roll up to my car like that?" Whoa, what? Now he was joking but that ish ain't funny. So, strike one. So we pull over not too far from where my fam is at and we get out of the car (he said it was mad hot inside the car, whatever) and are talking outside. The strikes just kept on coming.

Strike two: trying to tell me I don't know where I live. What?! I've lived in my neighborhood for 21 years. In my current house 10, I know where I live homie.

Strike three: clowning on my religion. Now I'm a tolerant person. I don't push my beliefs on anyone. If you ask me a question about my faith I'll answer it. But don't make fun of what I believe. We can agree to disagree. Thats cool. But I get hot off of ignorant foolishness. Some things just ain't funny bruha. I don't care what experience you had with church in the past please respect me. Its about mutual respect. I could said some choice things about you but I didn't out of respect. See. Respect. I don't believe in church and rituals. I believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and yes there is a difference. (End of rant)

Dude's ride is tight, he was rocking all this bling, good looking but he was just mad ugly to me. His personality stunk. He was cocky and arogant. He seemed to be mad into himself cuz everytime I spoke he kept saying "huh?" like I wasn't standing right there and what I had to say was irrelevant. He was cursing and usually it doesn't really bother me but man it was grating on my nerves (expand your vocabulary please) cuz it was these random outbusts. After awhile I was just staring at him with a fake smile, saying "yeah uh huh", thinking, 'I need an excuse to bounce cuz I'm so through. I'm wasting my time.'

That excuse came when my dad called my phone. Perfect. I was like well that was my dad and I'm bout to leave so... yeah... bye.

Haven't called or texted him (he hasn't called or texted me either which isn't a bad thing).

First impressions people can make or break a date. Yeah maybe my appearance that night wasn't noteworthy that night (I've been hit on wearing far worse, trust me) but even though he looked fly he was grotesque because his personality was just so horrible.

I've never before now met someone so nice looking on the outside that was this ugly on the inside.

Guys being rude and into yourself is not a turn on. If the person you trying to impress is turned off by your personality than all that outside beauty is a waste. *smh*

On a lighter, I spoke to Mr. E today. Now there goes a man who made a good first impression. *sigh*

... to be continued

Oh What a Beautiful Morning...

"Oh what a beautiful day, I have a beautiful feeling, Everything's going my way"

Don't remember exactly where I heard that song but that is how I would describe yesterday in Singleville.

It was such a beautiful day yesterday. The sun was shining. It was warm with a nice cool breeze blowing. I wish I coulda spent more time outside instead of cooped up inside working. Ugh. If only to be a tween again. *sigh*

Anyway, on top of the beautiful day, I planned a date with Mr. Smith. He wants to take me somewhere but didn't tell me where. I am beyond curious. Plus, 2 more guy have been added to the list. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Lol. Introducing Mr. Feel Good and Honey. You'll understand the name choices in a minute. ;)


First, we'll talk about Mr. Feel Good. Now I have a lot of web presences. Probably more than most so I interact with a lot of different people on the web. Most are up and coming artist trying to get a fan base, friends from high school, jr. high, family, other friends, acquaintances, etc. And then there are the guys that are trying to spit game. Usually I entertain, the hey beautifuls with, a "thanks for the compliment" or an "I'm fine thanks for asking" and let it drop right there. So when Mr. Feel Good sent me the "hey how you doing" message 4 days ago I responded like I usually do. "I'm fine thanks for asking." He hits me back immediately. So we end up messaging each other for about an hour. I'm really feeling his vibe but... when I check out some of his pictures he has really soft features. His body though is bangin'. 6'1, six pack abs. And he was real smooth. So he asks for my number and I hesitate. So I tell him let me get to know him more and then I'll give him the digits. That's fair right?

So I hit him up online and he hit me back yesterday. We messaged each other for about 3 hours. We were flirting. I mean this guy had me flying high on compliments. Talking he want to feed me fruits with whipped cream. It was crazy. So I finally said I have to give this boy my number. So I did and then we texted for the rest of the day. Why is his name Mr. Feel Good? Cuz if you read some of the texts he sent me he wanted to make me feel real good. Real talk. Some really sensual stuff.

Finally he calls at 11:15 but I was on the phone with Honey. So once I got off I called him back. Now he done built up all this anticipation for me. I have this thing with voices. I like a voice that is stimulating to me. A little deep (but the deeper the better) that feels like a caress when they talk. Make you tingle. I wanted his voice to make me tingle. I don't know what I expected but what I heard wasn't it :(

He is West Indian, which I knew, and he had this really thick accent that reminded me of an old West Indian man. (Not good) While I'm pretty good with accents (I'm West Indian and while I myself don't have an accent I've spent enough time around those who do to be able to decipher words) he talks fast and soft and many times I had to say "huh?" cuz I just wasn't getting it. Maybe I was tired but when I'm concentrating mad hard to get what you saying and still missing it thats a no go. So now your girl is a little disappointed (I know I probably sound shallow but at least I recognize that this bothers me instead of trying it out and us having any argument and saying, "and your voice gets on my nerves too.") I had high expectations. So now I have soft features, a thick accent kinda high voice, and a sexy body. 1 out of 3 :-/

So lets rewind a bit. I had just given Mr. Feel Good my number so now we not messaging anymore (were texting) when a new message appears in my inbox. The subject said "wow". This piques me interest. I open the message and it said, " i must take u out one day". I love a dude that's bold and this definitely qualifies. So I had to respond. I try to be cute and said something like, "Wow? I hope that's a good thing?" So he responds, "it is a good thing. u r a combination of sexxy and pretty. nice smile and a lovely body. and...it seem like u have a nice persona as well". Ok, ok. That's whats up. So he asks me for my number. Now normally I woulda said no because he didn't even have a picture up (he said it was because of his job) and we had talked for all of 5 seconds. Maybe I was still nice from the high of compliments Mr. Feel Good gave me but I gave him my number. Truth be told I didn't think he'd call and he intrigued me so I said why not?

Fast forward, he calls. At first I had no clue who it was cuz it was a withheld number (he was calling from his job) and like I said I didn't think he'd call but then when he told me I was like ok, nice. Now his voice, it wasn't that deep but it was deep enough and it had this sensual quality to it. Like you could imagine him whispering into your ear and it didn't matter what he said (like if he could've said baby, purple elephants are my favorite things in the world) you would still think it was sexy.

His vibe was incredible. The conversation was flowing. It was so easy and comfortable. I felt like we had been friends for years. And then we came to the part of the conversation where I had to tell him I abstain. This is an inevitable talking point in every conversation because sex seems to be such a focal point in today's society but its all good. I don't mind telling but I did remember thinking, "oh, another one bites the dust". So he got quiet a minute then said "oh ok. That's cool. I respect that." I was waiting to hear the phone click however that's not what I got.

Now, I know ya'll is wondering why his name is Honey. The following is why.

So after my revelation its as if the sexual flood gates were open because now he feels comfortable enough to ask me some provocative questions. (Go figure, right?) So he asks me, "Have you ever had honey drizzled from the top of your spine down to your backside and then had it licked off?" I hope ya'll me well enough to know that my answer was no. (even though I secretly wished I had, but don't tell anyone *shhhhh*) So, then he came with another question and another and each time I said no. What was crazy was that each scenario featured honey being drizzled on some part of the body and being licked off. And each time I said no he told me I had been deprived. After awhile I started to feel deprived. I wanted a honey story. Lol. But now you know why I call him Honey.

But get this, those scenarios according to him were rated G. He hadn't even gotten to the rated R chapters. Yes I said chapters. (If you jaw fell open just now then you reacted the same way I did.) So I said to him, "Boy, I'm scared of you." And he said to me "D, I don't know how this is gonna work. I need to stop". He is so right. So the convo is winding down, I still don't know what he looks like mind you, and he says, "When I get off work I'ma text you my picture cuz you probably thinking, he better look good talking like this" Lol. Now how did he know that's exactly what I was thinking? So I say ok and we hang up.

Fast forward. He sends me his pic. (He's French and Black by the way. Spoke to me in french and everything) He was looking pretty good. Chocolate brown skin (I got a weakness for chocolate. Might blog about that one of these days), clean shaven. He told me he's 6'0 with light brown eyes. (Ooh Lawd, don't that sound gorgeous). So he asks me to send him one. I oblige. I only have one (ok 2) pic(s) of myself in my phone. He texts, "call me". Ok. So I call and ask what did you think? He says, "I wish I could suck all the sugar outta ya lips" If you surprised, imagine my surprise. I'm all flustered all I could say was, "oh ok". Yeah, I know. Loser. But what could I say. I was caught off guard. Who says that to someone just like that?

Anyway, long story short (my stories are never short actually but hey *shrugs*) we talked until 2:30 in the morning. Why was this dumb on my part? Yesterday was Thursday. So I had to go to work in the morning. I was half dead all day. Looking at my computer clock. Praying for 6:00 pm to come at 10:00 and. Lol. I'm surprised I'm still up.

But it was such a beautiful day. I guess I didn't want it to end.

Sometimes Singleville rocks!

... to be continued.

New Prospects

Ok, so I took a week off from all the shenanigans. I think my epic fail really got to me.

However, I still have new prospects. (How that is I don't know) But I don't know if I should proceed. One seems really nice. Very respectful but I'm not necessarily attracted to him. And he can talk. Oh my gosh can he talk. Another one is a medical student. Pretty good looking but something is making me hesitate pursuing this. Finally, another 20 year old showing interest. (Ok so he's really not a prospect. I'm holding fast to the no dating guys younger than me rule. Sorry Skittles. lol)

The problem? The first guy really wants to hang out but I'm not really ready for that. The last couple of months have been full of flirtations and dates and learning about these guys and I'm exhausted. Especially cuz all of them were busts. While I've learned a lot about myself I need a break. Plus some of the old guys are trying to make a comeback. Trying is the operative word. So here are some updates.

1. I think I lost Mr. Wall Street. He didn't appreciate my sense of humor I guess. But that's cool. We weren't on the same page anyway.
   
2. Spike hit me up saying, "I see your try to sneak away again". Baby, I ain't gone no where if you want to get at me I'm not hard to find.
3. J will probably hit me up in the future but right now and then, no dice. Friendship is all I'm offering.
   
4. T-Bear calls me talking about, "You forgot about me I see." Boy, please. As I said before you broke two dates with me without warning or a call. Don't come at me with that "I forgot about you" nonsense. Those with glass houses should not throw stones.
5. Mr. Smith... yeah. He asked me to help "make him feel better". (Ya'll know what I mean) Let me think about this... No thanks. Moving on.
   
6. City... was a distraction that I'm gonna leave in the past. Some things are better left alone.
7. My epic fail has stopped calling, texting, and IMing. Hallelujah! Update: I jinxed myself. Tell me why he just hit me up on IM. Then when I ignored him hit me on my phone. Catch a clue dude. I DON'T WANT YOU.
   
8. Haven't heard from Trig in a while. Which is not a bad thing.
9. And the young buck I mentioned before (see Young Bucks on the Come Up) he is pressing me hard. Lawd have mercy, he about to be cut off.
10. And last but not least, Mr. E. Lord knows I miss this man. Wrote him a peom the other day and been thinking about him like crazy but... I'm still a single girl. Yes I'd love to be with him and I've made that clear but unless he wants and acts on being with me a single girl I will remain.

So, as always Singleville is interesting. But exhausting. I need a vacation. And the new prospects are prospects and are up in the air. Do I really want to expend my energy on getting to know someone when it may go nowhere?

Thats the question I have to answer.

...to be continued