I Seriously Considered....

getting back with Washington.

After we broke up my emotions were a wreck. Then after I visited him back in March all those feelings and how easy it was came back. Until...

We talked about my faith again. Everytime he would remind me why I broke it off in the first place. Now for someone who wants me back you'd think he would at least come to church when I invited him. (He would always tell me he would come to church if I asked. Yeah right.)

So we started hanging out more. He took me out for my birthday and we hung out 2 more times after that but I realized that nothing had changed to caused me to take him back. And he didn't want to change and I wasn't willing to compromise on my non-negotiable.

So now... I know I can't go back if all I'm going back to is what made me walk in the first place. What was the point of the break up if I go back and nothing has changed?

The problem is that I would want to be friends but there is still to much there. He's fun to hang with, I feel comfortable, and I can relax. When you're friends with someone you can agree to disagree on almost anything as long as your respectful about it. When in a relationship its different.

This is new territory for me. I've never done the ex as friend thing so we'll see if this works.

... to  be continued

When I Tell U Something.... Believe Me

Washington never listens to me. I've explained to him about 20 times the reason why I broke it off. What does he say,

"Well my friend told me you broke up with me because you wanted to see other people"

Oh yes, absolutely this person who doesn't even know me hit the nail on the head. Because I like going out with people whose ultimate goal is to get me in their bed. I truly enjoy that. *eyeroll*

So here are the top three reasons why we are no longer together.

#1 reason
I despise conflict and he loved it. Always wanting me to debate him on this issue and that. When I take time out of my schedule to be with someone I don't want to be debating them. Where I feel like my time would have been better spent at home. I want to be able to relax and have fun and enjoy their company. And at times it felt more like he was bullying me. I hate conflict. I do anything in my power to resolve things but he likes to push and push. Even when we broke up he kept pushing me, "Why don't you just break up with me then?" Guess what? I did.

#2 reason
He liked to mock me. He made me feel like my beliefs, my desires, truly wat was in my heart was worthless. Like it was stupid and I was stupid for believing it. I'm an intelligent woman and I don't need to be patronized or have someone shake their head at me or make a joke about something I'm serious about. There were times I just wanted to slap the taste outta his mouth and then tape his lips shut because I was tired of hearing him put me down, making me feel inadequate and slow and cracking jokes about stuff that wasn't funny. Maybe I'm just too sensitive. *shrug*

#3 reason
My life is about Christ and following His will for me. If you know that its that important to me come to church with me, support the things I do, be the shoulder I can lean on when things get hard and I need you to have my back. Instead he wanted me to move away to another state with him. Away from my support system and my call and then look at me like i'm crazy.

His response:
1. We're not your parents and it wasn't an argument. We were debating. I just feel like I have to push you cuz your too nice to people.

Well he pushed me alright. He pushed me away.

2. You're too sensitive. It's a joke.

*eyeroll*

3. Why do you want your parents to raise your kids? Why can't it be just us together?

I'm wrong for wanting my children to be around their grandparents? And just us together would have drove me crazy. I would have no friends, no home church, no one who knows me to go to when you get on my nerves. I can't. Community and family are very important to me. That's how I grew up and that's what I want for my kids.

Any thoughts? I can't....

... to be continued