I'm Not a Mack

Why do guys assume I get more play then I actually do?

I was talking to a friend of mine today and he said,

"I know you get hit on all the time."

6'8 had also said this to me before and I'm like how do you figure because in actuality... I don't.

It's interesting the perceptions people have of my love life. Since I can remember guys always assume I'm getting hit on or dating a lot and I'm not. Well at least not by people I want to get hit on by. I do get a lot of starers. Like they are afraid to talk to me or something but they like what they see. I had a lot of that on my way to work yesterday. Anyhoo, I'm not a mack people.

If only perception was reality.

.... to be continued

Mail-Order Husband

So, in the crazy recesses of my mind. I've been thinking about the possibility of advertising for a mail-order husband.

Its crazy I know. I've been reading a lot of stories about mail-order brides recently. I'm fascinated by history and I have come to feel a kinship with these women in these stories. So of them fictitious and some of them real. They are ladies who felt unwanted, past their time, unpretty, plain or damaged, and lack confidence; like this was their last hope.

I've felt all these things on more than one occassion. I sympathize with these women who put all their hopes and dreams on a man they had never met and barely knew but for a few letters. This I know but sometimes when your at the wits end... you do some crazy things.

Maybe... I don't know. Sometimes I think I'm losing my mind over this marriage and babies stuff. Sometimes when you want something so bad it starts to consume you.

My biggest fear is making a decision out of desperation. Marriage for me is forever. Its a big decision that I have to live with til I die. I want to make the best choices possible but my choices feel limited and that makes me anxious. Gosh, sometimes I wish I was a man.

...to be continued.

Ghosts in the Closet

We all have them. Those things or individuals we regret doing or knowing. Those things we hope people never learn about us. Those things we wish we could take back. Those individuals you wish you never gave your number to, those dates you wish you never went on. The choices you wish you could redo.

Sitting at my kitchen table I was thinking about those ghosts in my closet. One of them resurfaced not to long ago. Mr. Feel Good, you can look for him in some of my old post. To give some back story. He's the guy that I was talking to that up and disappeared on me without a trace, and then I started getting mysterious collect calls from jail. I now know that it was him calling. How you might ask? It has been two years and a few weeks ago he had his friend contact me to let him know what happened to him. I was so taken a back it took me some time to get a grasp on what/who.

So many questions swirled through my head. It made me wonder, what type of impression did I make on him to have him reach out to me after all this time? How did he still remember my phone number? Why are you in prison?

Long story short he asked me to write to Mr. Feel Good and send him a picture. Then Mr. Feel Good called me himself from jail and left me a message on my phone. (BTW, didn't know you could do that in prison. Leave messages that is.)

The great debate is do I write or do I bury the ghost back in my closet. The thing is I already wrote the letter. It is sitting in my bag, each day I say I'll mail it but I hesitate. I want my questions answered but I don't want him back in my life. I've been watching a lot of prison shows recently (I have a morbid fascination with prison, crime, addiction shows. Don't know why.) and I feel bad for him. But I'm not that girl. I don't accept collect calls, and I don't put money on accounts, and I don't date men who break the law. But my curiosity...it ain't no good. I can't help wanting to know if he's ok and what happened in the one day we didn't talk that got him put away.

More than that, it made me ask myself, "What is it about me that attracts men who are damaged, projects, or old, like I'm their last hope?' What do I find so intriguing about them? Why do they keep coming back, keep popping up when I think I have laid them to rest? I don't get it. Am I not attractive to those who don't have issues?

Or Is it me?

Is it me?

...to be continued

Quick Update

Well lots of things have changed in my world.

1. I am single once again. I have been for a while.
2. I finally (Praise the Lord!) got a new job. 
3. I now have my own place.

For a girl who doesn't like change since my last post in December I have done a whole lot of it. Its been good and I've had time to think and reflect and I've made the adjustment fairly well. I've found I like being by myself.

My fear: That I'll like it a little too much. I haven't been on a date in months and ... I don't know. Life has been quiet but interesting. I've let a lot of men go from my life, I told Washington off and I feel myself wanting less to settle for just anything and really looking for what I want. That's important to me. I've turned a corner. Looking forward to what more is to come.

...to be continued.

Date Night

So 2 Fridays past (I'm kinda late writing this huh? lol.) I went out with 6'8. I wore this cute sundress, my hair was done in these nice curls; I had him dreaming about that outfit for days. I looked hot (lol) but anyway it was a gorgeous day. We went to the South Street Seaport. Went to this cute little restaurant and ate outside near the water. It was so romantic and I was definitely feeling the atmosphere so we kissed. And it was...

Ok.

Maybe I put too much weight on kissing but I want to be wowed when I'm kissed.

Now that being said. We have gone out every Friday since then. I always enjoy myself. Some of the places he has taken me have been amazing. We have kissed on more than one occasion but I still haven't been wowed and I'm still holding back...

Its interesting to me because I can't exactly pinpoint what it is that is giving me pause. Don't get me wrong, I think he's great and there is a great deal of chemistry and attraction between us but as I think of long-term; us meeting the others respective families, taking this relationship to the next level I question is this what I want.

I have thought about if this could lead to something. Marriage. He has talked about this candidly and his desire to get married and have kids. So of course I have thought about it. And he seems to think I make a good candidate for the position. But... 

Will this make me happy? It would make him happy but would me just going with the flow of things be trying to fulfill his happiness and put mine secondary?

Its funny because I used to hate being home on a Friday Night but now I'm finding that I'm at a place where I don't want to have a date just to say I have one.

I want something meaningful. Now I've always thought this way but my actions didn't show this to be true. I don't want to be in a relationship just because I can, I want to be with the man I'm supposed to spend my life with.

Could that be 6'8? Anything is possible I've come to discover but at this moment I'm not certain or sold.

Lots to think about and pray about.

... to be continued

It wasn't a date, It was therapy!

Lol. So the title doesn't begin to explain this but here goes.

I am apart of the eHarmony community. My name is Dee and I am an online dater. There, I said it. I confess. Lol.

Anyway, this past Saturday I met one of my matches. He's a divorced father of two and came down here from Philly. Now its a Saturday, my usual lazy day and we're are supposed to be hanging for the day so I went casual: hair pulled up in a ponytail, gray skinny jeans, tee-shirt with a pullover hoodie, and my fuggs (cuz they ain't real uggs). I thought I looked presentable but apparently not because when I met him in Manhattan he had on dress clothes. So I tried to downplay it by cracking a joke about how our signals got crossed as far as our clothes and he said, "That's not my fault." Strike one against me.

So I take him to a diner in my neighborhood for lunch. We go in, sit down and I didn't realize what I was in for. I'm not a very talkative person especially if I don't know you but he felt I was too quiet. Maybe I was because the vibe he was giving me didn't lend itself to me opening up to him. One thing people might not know is that I like a man who can carry the conversation. It shows me what he knows, what his interests are and if they click with mine.

Now he could carry a conversation but it seemed like the conversation became a critique of me! He started by saying I wasn't truly being myself. That if I gave him 6 months he could bring the true me out and I would like my new self. So I'm thinking to myself, "What's wrong with who I am?" Apparently lots of thinks. Lol.

So, I'm too self-conscious. Now I will admit that I have body issues. But honestly what woman isn't a little self-conscious? So I dress to hide certain things. Its not like I wear a potato sack but for him I wasn't dressed sexy enough. I should have put my best foot forward to make him say, "Wow I want to come out here next weekend." (Don't you love when they assume they'll get a second date).

Ok, so I should have got my hair done, I should have shown more of my curves and I should have worn high heels. Hair? Ok maybe it wasn't salon perfect. I'll give him that. More of my curves? There is no way I can hide all my curves and I didn't try to either. But #1 I'm a B cup so its not like they are popping out and #2 as many times as u checked me out from the back u didn't see what I was working with? Then thats on you. And the heels, I'm walking all over creation with you and you want me to where heels? Thats just unrealistic. But it gets better.

Then he points out to me all the women I should have dressed like who dressed for their man, to give him that feeling of stimulation. *side eye* He said I need to be confident in what I have so that I will dress to show it off and be able to "shake what ya momma gave ya." Hmmmm. Yeah. Ok.

Then he points at my ears. "Whats all that?" Mind you I have 4 holes on each ear but I was only wearing three earrings at the time. "Why is this necessary?" Now I'm like bruh u trippin'. I'm not the most pierced girl on the block by any means and he had a problem. "I'll buy you some nice earring."  It was starting to sound to me like he wanted to make into his Stepford wife. No thank you.

All in all (according to him) I didn't put my best foot forward and first impressions are everything. Did he honestly think he was making a good first impression on me? Did he think him checking out other women was a good look or telling me how he told his waitresses at the restaurant he used to manage to dress sexier to get better tips was good first date conversation material?

Then for him to say, "This is me. I'm just saying whats on my heart." Check please. I couldn't get rid of this guy fast enough.

So we're on the bus ride back to the city and he tells me I'm wasting my potential at the job I'm at. Not that I asked. That I'm wasting my 20s because I'm too responsible. Who says that? But what really clinched it for me was this, "If I come back to NY to see you I will see if you have taken what I've said to heart because you will dress differently." Wow. When we got to the bus station I was so happy his bus was right there. God is so GOOD to me. That was the first genuine smile I cracked the whole date. Lol.

So for $9 (Metrocard fare) I got a therapy session I didn't even want. But hey, in this economy it was still a steal. It helped me realize that I like me and I am beautiful and while I am a work in progress being me is quite alright.

The comedy of the day was (after he tore me to shreds), "But I'm really glad to see you face to face."

LMAO. Bruh please. Needless to say there will be no more visits... to see me at least.

... to be continued

Gentlemen Do Still Exist

So this date is like a week old now but I've just been so busy. Anyhoo....

Two Saturdays ago I went out on a date with Ghana (its where he is from). He had been trying to talk to me for ages but I wasn't totally feeling him at first and then I was with Washington but my man is persistent so I gave him a shot.

So we go out for a late lunch and he opened doors, ordered for us, guided me to my seat, looked at me while I spoke, and held my hand. I had to check myself for a minute to see if I was actually in the year 2010 because I didn't think they still made this species of man, the gentleman.

I was pleasantly surprised and a little taken aback. I just wasn't used to it. But it was nice and I liked it. He definitely had my attention. He makes me laugh and he's sweet but... I don't know. Well see where this leads. I'm not sure yet.

... to be continued.

The Dating Game

So I'm back in the dating game. And while it may seem fast its so I don't stay home and agonize over the fact that I am single again and go back and forth in my head on whether I made the right decision even though everything screams at me I did. When I'm left to think and analyze and over-analyze a decision that is never a good thing. I'm already too much in my head as it is.

So you will be hearing about some of my latest misadventures if you will. And its even more complicated because Washington isn't ready to let go either. Lord help me. I'm just a big mass of crazy right now. Lol.

Am I ready to be in another serious relationship, not totally but I'm open to the possibilities.

Who will we be meeting? 6'8, The MC is back as is Mr. E and a few others so are u ready?

Here goes.....

How Does One Approach a Woman?

So for the last couple of days I've been coaching a friend on how to approach this woman that he likes. He's a Christian, she's a Christian and he kept saying that there seems to be a different way to approach a Christian woman. Before he was a Christian he had no problem approaching a woman but now he wasn't sure of what to say. Now I'm a Christian woman and there is only one way to approach me, Respectfully.

I don't think there is a different approach. If you step to a woman disrespectfully (And everyone's gauge of disrespect is different. I have my own pet peeves but thats a different post) most are gonna shut you down. But why would a woman shut you down if you said, "Hello, how you doing?" In the context of my friends story, he had been talking to this girl for a little while cuz they go to church together and serve together sometimes. Yet he wasn't sure if she'd be receptive to him asking for her number.

Ladies are we so hard to read that guys aren't sure if we're interested anymore? As it turns out she liked him too and they now have a date set up. Whats crazy is if I hadn't pushed him he wouldn't have asked her out.

Now Christian or not is it that difficult to approach women nowadays? Even Washington early on told me its hard to approach a woman sometimes. Whats up with that? Ladies do we need to soften ourselves up a bit so we don't scare these dudes off?

Hmmm. Definitely was my food for thought this week.

... to be continued.

Lurking in the Shadows

I know I've been talking a lot about the MC lately but there are still others trying to make a play for this single girl so its time for some updates.

1. Mr. Smith - We are just friends. I've been checking in on him every now and again and I think we are in a good place.
2. Mr. Feel Good has disappeared. Literally. I don't know what happened. HE want from hitting me up everyday to nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. I hit him up twice to see whats up. No answer. *shrug* Oh well. I hope he's ok.
3. Honey - He almost lost his spot with me. Would call him. No answer. Then would call me mad late at night and ask me why was I up? (huh?) So finally I stopped hitting him up. Miracle of miracles. He's back. Wants to hang and talk. He's getting a little bit of a side eye but we'll see. He's dug himself a serious hole.
4. Spike has been trying to get back in my world something fierce recently. Like very recent. Sending me texts talking bout, he just checking in after not taking to me for weeks. Then today he laid it on real thick. Wants to see me real bad apparently. The question is, do I want to see him? We'll know by the end of tonight.

On another note, tell me why one day I was checking my voicemail and it seemd I got a collect call from some county jail talking about my limit is up and I have to setup an account to receive anymore. WTF? Who in the hell is calling me collect from jail? I was so taken aback by that I had to laugh. Whoever it was you done called the wrong girl. I can't help you.

Singleville, I knew that after last week's quietness this week was gonna be crazy but man this is NUTS. I'm told I think I love you and my lurkers are coming out of the shadows. *smh*
What is Singleville gonna throw at me next?

... to be continued.

Why Does He Smell So Good?

I mean it should be a crime for a man to smell that delicious. That man is the MC. I saw him Tuesday night. The minute I got in his car I immediately got hit with his most amazing scent. I thought to myself no man is supposed to smell this good. I don't know what cologne/soap combo he uses in the shower but its working for him cuz your girl was all twisted up.

His skin looked all smooth and creamy and he was playing my favorite songs on his stereo (Jodeci, New Edition, Sade, etc). Don't know what it was but I was feeling a type of way. My body was mad revved up but you'd never know it by looking at me. I was just so relaxed and mellow (and mad sleepy lol).

And he kept licking his lips. Let me tell you about these lips. Just juicy, plump lips. I just kept looking at them. It was like they were calling me. It took every ounce of self control to keep me from leaning over and kissing him. Lawd have mercy.

Then he asked me if I wanted some gum (I said no) and he started talking bout lips and I'm like "He wants to kiss me." It was way past my bedtime at this point so I'm about to go in my house and get in my bed. So I go to hug him and his lips were just there waiting and ready and... I hit him with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Lol.

I know, ya'll thinking, "What the heck?" But I'm trying out this new thing called making them work for it. I've rushed into doing the physical before. Kissing on the first date and all that and it didn't exactly work out for me the way I wanted so I thought I'd try something different. Hey, it couldn't hurt right?

He didn't seem mad and if he was then I'd know he wasn't really into me in the first place. Besides, it builds up a little bit off anticipation. Cuz if he kisses as good as his lips look... ooh chile I'ma be in trouble. Lol.

But what crazy is after we hugged his scent was on my clothes and I was all sniffing my shirt like a fiend. Lol. I'm telling you smelling that good should be a crime.

Singleville is smelling really sweet ;)

... to be continued

Introducing the MC

Ok, y'all I have to introduce you guys to the new prospect I briefly talked about in my last post. We will call him the MC. I'll explain the name in a minute.

So at first I wasn't sure if I was gonna blog about this guy cuz I wasn't sure it would go any where. He hadn't quite made it to prospect status yet. I met him on my way to the hairdresser. Yes, I met him when my hair was looking frightful. Lol. Now I was walking and I saw him approaching me out of the corner of my eye so I was trying to get to the salon before he could stop me. (Obviously I didn't make it.) He was nice but at that moment I wasn't really trying to talk to anyone and when I look back on it I was kinda rude (for me anyway) cuz I was trying to hurry up and get my hair done. I just wasn't feeling right cuz I knew my coif was looking busted. Long story short I gave him my number.

First time he called, absolute horrible timing. It was my sister's going away BBQ (tear) and I was prepping meat, running around, I was just busy. So I told him I'd call him back. Which I didn't. Not on purpose though. From that Saturday to the next was just so crazy with her packing and then leaving I just didn't have the time.

Then as I was thinking about the goings on in Singleville the last couple of months I said to myself, I have all these goals and standards that I want to meet I need to let these guys know up front what I'm about and let them decide if they can handle it. (I was riding high after reading Steve Harvey's book) So when I sent Mr. E my email I also sent the MC a text and it read

"Hey. I'm sorry I haven't called you.
Its been a crazy week.
But I don't know if I'm the girl for you.
I'm waiting til I'm married to have sex,
I believe in Jesus,
and I'm very involved in my church.
If you're down wit that cool.
But its up to you.
If u don't contact me again I'll understand.
I just thought you should know before things went any further."

If any of you are looking at me cockeyed tough noogies. Lol. I think I'm gonna take this approach from now on. I'm trying to weed out the good apples from the bad ones.

Anyway, I hadn't heard from him in 3 days after I sent that message so I thought maybe he ain't down with it and chose not to contact me no more. No worries cuz like I said I didn't really consider him a prospect yet.

I was wrong. On the third day this is the message he sends me

"Hey I just really read ur textes
I had my personal issues but ur religious beliefs r cool wit me
just as long as u don't force ur way of life on me
I may not b as spiritual as u
but I do know Jesus.
We will talk."

So we did talk 2 days later and I saw him last night. He seems to be a really nice guy and he told me his whole life story. Seriously. I just listened and I was really intrigued by his life experiences. Why is he called the MC? Because apparently he used to be up and coming in the rap world. Rubbing elbows with some serious heavy hitters.

While that was impressive its not what grabbed me. He went through some real messed up ish and he's not bitter, he can laugh and crack jokes and that is what impressed me. Now there are some things that gave me pause...

1. He's 38. There's a 15 year age difference which doesn't really bother me. Don't judge me. We should all know by now my love for older men. He didn't seem to have a problem with the age difference either but we'll see.
2. He recently got laid off. But he is working and is currently looking for a more stable situation. I can work with that.
3. He has 5 kids. Now I don't mind kids (I dated someone with kids before, met them too) but when he told me that his oldest is 3 years younger than me inside I'm like Oh MY God. That one def gave me pause. If I'm thinking long term here that could end up being an issue.
4. While his background makes for a good John Singleton film it gave me serious pause cuz that was just not my experience in a million years. I went to private school most of my life and my parents kept me and my sibs pretty sheltered. While he's not living that lifestyle anymore it still made me just a tad wary.

So those are the 4 concerns right now but I'm attracted to him and I think we clicked pretty well. He's really cool and if anything I just made a really good friend so we'll see.

In other news, Mr. E hasn't replied to the email yet. He's still got a week but after that this single girl is going to allow herself to move on.

Singleville is beginning to look interesting again. Told you last week was the quiet before the storm.

... to be continued.

All Quiet on the Western Front

Well maybe it should say the eastern front cuz I live on the East Coast? No matter. I used this title to say that it has been a relatively quiet week in Singleville and I am enjoying it.

I'm taking a break from dating (or I could say dating has taken a break from me). I'm just happy to not have to prepare for a date or find interesting, clever, witty things to say to fill the silence. Its taxing.

Sometimes I like being able to come home, go in my room, turn on some music, and not care about what I've got on, if my hair and nails look fly, or if that little bit of flab is showing. I can "kick off my shoes and relax my feet" (shout out to Xscape) and let my hair down. Even lounge around in my undies if I want eating chocolate ice cream. (Its been real hot the last few days in the NY)

I feel like I was running at a break neck pace the last few months talking to this one and that one. I almost went crazy. Now as God is pulling me into focus the need to slow it down, assess and make the right choices and stick to my guns is key. I'm basking in the change of pace.

However, I'm a little on uneasy if you will. Ever heard the saying, "the quiet before the storm"? That's the vibe I'm getting. I feel like this is the quiet before the storm. I better enjoy it then huh?

I don't know what Singleville is gonna throw at me next but I want and need to be prepared for it.

... to be continued.

The Value of Time

Now I am one of those people who can be really bad with this especially when its to go somewhere I don't really want to go or when it involves doing something I don't want to do. But I'm working on that. And for the most part I keep appointments. (I do be running on CP time sometime though. lol.)

My pet peeve goes back to my I'll Call You Later post. I'm an impatient person. (I working on that too) I'm also a busy person so my time is valuable. I believe that they way you handle time shows how important something is too you. When a meeting is important to me I'll be there early. If I have an event I've been busting my behind for I'll be prepared in advance. If its something I'm dreading I'll admit that I drag my feet and wait til the last possible second. However, the fact remains that I hate waiting on people and hate when people have to wait on me.

The same goes for any relationship I'm trying to grow. If I give my time to it its important to me. This being said, Honey is on my last nerve with this. Our schedules are a little out of whack which is not a problem. I can be flexible. What is the problem is this: Lets say I call him (or even he calls me) and he can't talk. He tells me I'll call you back in 15 mins, 20 mins, 5 mins. Ok cool. If that was at 10:30 pm why are you calling me 2:30 am? That is way passed time and now I'm sleep. I already was waiting for you to call back, now you wake me and I'm half dead, and then can't get back to sleep right away.


Now at first it was all good because I was feeling him but now its starting to turn me off. Its just disrespectful. It boils down to if you say you'll do something do it. Be a person of your word. Maybe I'm taking this too strongly but my grandfather would say, "In this life all you have is your word."


Like I said, my time is valuable just like everyone elses. And you show me how much I matter to you when either you don't make time for me or you disrespect my time. Honestly, if I did that I'm sure I'd get cussed out strongly. And like I said my patience is limited and mine with him is almost thru.

... to be continued

Reflective

This single girl has been doing some thinking and some house cleaning recently.

The Experiment that I have put into effect a little over 3 months ago has come to a point of evaluation. The guys I started the experiment out with are no longer prospects for anything other than friendship if that. (I've met some crazies, in case you didn't know)

Currently the only 2 prospects I have are Honey and Mr. E. I'm realizing that I care for Mr. E a lot more than I thought I did. And Honey reminds me of Mr. E in some ways which may be while he has been able to hold my attention.

I still talk to Mr. Smith on occasion but I feel that we are moving into that cool friendship stage. I care about him, I'm just not into him in a romantic way.

Mr. Feel Good is so sweet and can always put a smile on my face but at this moment I can't look passed anything other than friendship. I hate (I really do) that my feelings are based on seemingly superficial things. But usually for me when I nit pick like that there is usually an underlying more substantial reason. I just can't put my finger on it as yet.

So what has the experiment taught me????

1. I've learned that I am a sexy, intelligent, and worthwhile catch. My self-esteem has gotten a major boost from all of this. And while I know that value should not be found in the eyes of man, its still nice to hear. Lol. But I've come to truly love my body (including my big booty, lol), my mind, and the quirkiness that makes up who I am.
2. I've learned I don't have to settle. I like what I like. And there is nothing, NOTHING, wrong with that. My dreams, wants, and desires are just that. Mine. And the man that fits what I want is out there. I need to have faith.
3. Mr. E. I've learned that Mr. E is an integral part in me even having the ability to do this experiment. Yes this was birthed out of a convo with my cousin but before I had met him I had given up on relationships and meeting a good man. I had resigned myself to the life of a nun. (Yes, I know. I had a momentary lapse into insanity. Won't happen again.) The day I met him it was like the Ex who? Lol. And every guy I've met thus far has been compared to Mr. E. (Sorry guys) He's become so important to me in such a short time I couldn't imagine him not being a part of this journey. He makes my heart (among other things) flutter.
4. I've learned I'm changing. I'm being more up front. I'm being more assertive. Less afraid. More sure of me as a women and as a child of God. I'm starting to trust my own judgement again and heeding her wisdom.
5. I've learned that my walk with Christ trumps the booty anyday. I made a promise to my heavenly Father to wait til I'm married to have sex. And it has been a battle. These guys seem hell bent on testing my resolve. What they don't know is that the Holy Spirit walks with me and when my strength ebbs away his kicks in. I intend to keep my promise. Lord Help me.

While I continue my journey in Singleville I'm doing so more focused and not willing to lower my standards.

Thanks so much for following this journey with me. I found that I really love blogging and that its actually quite theraputic. Keep following the journey and leave your feedback cuz I truly do value your opinions.

Well the saga continues for this single girl. ;)

... to be continued

Oh What a Beautiful Morning...

"Oh what a beautiful day, I have a beautiful feeling, Everything's going my way"

Don't remember exactly where I heard that song but that is how I would describe yesterday in Singleville.

It was such a beautiful day yesterday. The sun was shining. It was warm with a nice cool breeze blowing. I wish I coulda spent more time outside instead of cooped up inside working. Ugh. If only to be a tween again. *sigh*

Anyway, on top of the beautiful day, I planned a date with Mr. Smith. He wants to take me somewhere but didn't tell me where. I am beyond curious. Plus, 2 more guy have been added to the list. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Lol. Introducing Mr. Feel Good and Honey. You'll understand the name choices in a minute. ;)


First, we'll talk about Mr. Feel Good. Now I have a lot of web presences. Probably more than most so I interact with a lot of different people on the web. Most are up and coming artist trying to get a fan base, friends from high school, jr. high, family, other friends, acquaintances, etc. And then there are the guys that are trying to spit game. Usually I entertain, the hey beautifuls with, a "thanks for the compliment" or an "I'm fine thanks for asking" and let it drop right there. So when Mr. Feel Good sent me the "hey how you doing" message 4 days ago I responded like I usually do. "I'm fine thanks for asking." He hits me back immediately. So we end up messaging each other for about an hour. I'm really feeling his vibe but... when I check out some of his pictures he has really soft features. His body though is bangin'. 6'1, six pack abs. And he was real smooth. So he asks for my number and I hesitate. So I tell him let me get to know him more and then I'll give him the digits. That's fair right?

So I hit him up online and he hit me back yesterday. We messaged each other for about 3 hours. We were flirting. I mean this guy had me flying high on compliments. Talking he want to feed me fruits with whipped cream. It was crazy. So I finally said I have to give this boy my number. So I did and then we texted for the rest of the day. Why is his name Mr. Feel Good? Cuz if you read some of the texts he sent me he wanted to make me feel real good. Real talk. Some really sensual stuff.

Finally he calls at 11:15 but I was on the phone with Honey. So once I got off I called him back. Now he done built up all this anticipation for me. I have this thing with voices. I like a voice that is stimulating to me. A little deep (but the deeper the better) that feels like a caress when they talk. Make you tingle. I wanted his voice to make me tingle. I don't know what I expected but what I heard wasn't it :(

He is West Indian, which I knew, and he had this really thick accent that reminded me of an old West Indian man. (Not good) While I'm pretty good with accents (I'm West Indian and while I myself don't have an accent I've spent enough time around those who do to be able to decipher words) he talks fast and soft and many times I had to say "huh?" cuz I just wasn't getting it. Maybe I was tired but when I'm concentrating mad hard to get what you saying and still missing it thats a no go. So now your girl is a little disappointed (I know I probably sound shallow but at least I recognize that this bothers me instead of trying it out and us having any argument and saying, "and your voice gets on my nerves too.") I had high expectations. So now I have soft features, a thick accent kinda high voice, and a sexy body. 1 out of 3 :-/

So lets rewind a bit. I had just given Mr. Feel Good my number so now we not messaging anymore (were texting) when a new message appears in my inbox. The subject said "wow". This piques me interest. I open the message and it said, " i must take u out one day". I love a dude that's bold and this definitely qualifies. So I had to respond. I try to be cute and said something like, "Wow? I hope that's a good thing?" So he responds, "it is a good thing. u r a combination of sexxy and pretty. nice smile and a lovely body. and...it seem like u have a nice persona as well". Ok, ok. That's whats up. So he asks me for my number. Now normally I woulda said no because he didn't even have a picture up (he said it was because of his job) and we had talked for all of 5 seconds. Maybe I was still nice from the high of compliments Mr. Feel Good gave me but I gave him my number. Truth be told I didn't think he'd call and he intrigued me so I said why not?

Fast forward, he calls. At first I had no clue who it was cuz it was a withheld number (he was calling from his job) and like I said I didn't think he'd call but then when he told me I was like ok, nice. Now his voice, it wasn't that deep but it was deep enough and it had this sensual quality to it. Like you could imagine him whispering into your ear and it didn't matter what he said (like if he could've said baby, purple elephants are my favorite things in the world) you would still think it was sexy.

His vibe was incredible. The conversation was flowing. It was so easy and comfortable. I felt like we had been friends for years. And then we came to the part of the conversation where I had to tell him I abstain. This is an inevitable talking point in every conversation because sex seems to be such a focal point in today's society but its all good. I don't mind telling but I did remember thinking, "oh, another one bites the dust". So he got quiet a minute then said "oh ok. That's cool. I respect that." I was waiting to hear the phone click however that's not what I got.

Now, I know ya'll is wondering why his name is Honey. The following is why.

So after my revelation its as if the sexual flood gates were open because now he feels comfortable enough to ask me some provocative questions. (Go figure, right?) So he asks me, "Have you ever had honey drizzled from the top of your spine down to your backside and then had it licked off?" I hope ya'll me well enough to know that my answer was no. (even though I secretly wished I had, but don't tell anyone *shhhhh*) So, then he came with another question and another and each time I said no. What was crazy was that each scenario featured honey being drizzled on some part of the body and being licked off. And each time I said no he told me I had been deprived. After awhile I started to feel deprived. I wanted a honey story. Lol. But now you know why I call him Honey.

But get this, those scenarios according to him were rated G. He hadn't even gotten to the rated R chapters. Yes I said chapters. (If you jaw fell open just now then you reacted the same way I did.) So I said to him, "Boy, I'm scared of you." And he said to me "D, I don't know how this is gonna work. I need to stop". He is so right. So the convo is winding down, I still don't know what he looks like mind you, and he says, "When I get off work I'ma text you my picture cuz you probably thinking, he better look good talking like this" Lol. Now how did he know that's exactly what I was thinking? So I say ok and we hang up.

Fast forward. He sends me his pic. (He's French and Black by the way. Spoke to me in french and everything) He was looking pretty good. Chocolate brown skin (I got a weakness for chocolate. Might blog about that one of these days), clean shaven. He told me he's 6'0 with light brown eyes. (Ooh Lawd, don't that sound gorgeous). So he asks me to send him one. I oblige. I only have one (ok 2) pic(s) of myself in my phone. He texts, "call me". Ok. So I call and ask what did you think? He says, "I wish I could suck all the sugar outta ya lips" If you surprised, imagine my surprise. I'm all flustered all I could say was, "oh ok". Yeah, I know. Loser. But what could I say. I was caught off guard. Who says that to someone just like that?

Anyway, long story short (my stories are never short actually but hey *shrugs*) we talked until 2:30 in the morning. Why was this dumb on my part? Yesterday was Thursday. So I had to go to work in the morning. I was half dead all day. Looking at my computer clock. Praying for 6:00 pm to come at 10:00 and. Lol. I'm surprised I'm still up.

But it was such a beautiful day. I guess I didn't want it to end.

Sometimes Singleville rocks!

... to be continued.

I'll Call You Later

I don't know how many times I've heard this but I rather not, cuz its not true. Guys say this all the time. Its like one of those thing to say in conversation that you really don't mean but think the other party wants to hear. If your not gonna follow thru the call than don't tell me you'll call.

It's like that episode of Friends (yes I said Friends, don't judge me) when Rachel hooks Chandler up with her boss. Chandler doesn't like her boss but keeps telling this woman, "I'll call you". This poor lady keeps expecting him to call but he never does. And Rachel is freaking out cuz she set them up and she doesn't want her boss to hate her. So hilarity ensues and it makes for a very funny episode.

What I'm talking about starts at 1:00.


I've stopped believing this after I heard it a handful of times and the dude didn't call.

What's interesting to me is how a dude can get mad at you for not calling/texting them but don't see the problem in not hitting you back, LIKE THE SAID THEY WOULD. Does, "I'll Call You Later" in manspeak mean, "Baby, if I don't call you should call me"? I'm baffled. This happens especially with Spike and T-Bear. They will say, "I'll call you later" and they don't call. Not even text to say, "My bad, I got caught up" or something to that affect. But let me not hit them up... goodness I get told I'm running away and forgetting about people. Now I start each relationship (if you can call it that) by checking in with the guy I'm interested in every so often. But if you don't keep my interest I start doing it less and less. (Unfortunately thats just about the time I've really got the guy interested in me) Thats when the guy should step his game up, if he's truly interested, right? The one thing I respected about The Ex (there's not much I do respect) is when he said he'd call, he called. No matter how late, he called.

So my thing is, if your not gonna call, don't say you'll call. You have us all sitting by our phones waiting while you done forgot about the call you promised to make. I no longer trust this phrase. And if you say it enough and don't follow through I begin to not trust you either. Of all the things I love about Mr. E this is one of the things I just can't stand.

Now have I been guilty of this a time or two. Sure. But its so rare cuz I know how aggravated it makes me. And if I don't call that day I send a text that night and call the next day.

So why do guys say, "I'll Call You Later" and not follow through? I'd rather you not say anything and surprise me with a call. It'll make my day cuz it'll let me know I'm on your mind. The former lets me know you done forgot about me which doesn't help your cause.

So gentlemen, don't say it unless you mean it!

Oh Singleville...

...to be continued.

New Prospects

Ok, so I took a week off from all the shenanigans. I think my epic fail really got to me.

However, I still have new prospects. (How that is I don't know) But I don't know if I should proceed. One seems really nice. Very respectful but I'm not necessarily attracted to him. And he can talk. Oh my gosh can he talk. Another one is a medical student. Pretty good looking but something is making me hesitate pursuing this. Finally, another 20 year old showing interest. (Ok so he's really not a prospect. I'm holding fast to the no dating guys younger than me rule. Sorry Skittles. lol)

The problem? The first guy really wants to hang out but I'm not really ready for that. The last couple of months have been full of flirtations and dates and learning about these guys and I'm exhausted. Especially cuz all of them were busts. While I've learned a lot about myself I need a break. Plus some of the old guys are trying to make a comeback. Trying is the operative word. So here are some updates.

1. I think I lost Mr. Wall Street. He didn't appreciate my sense of humor I guess. But that's cool. We weren't on the same page anyway.
   
2. Spike hit me up saying, "I see your try to sneak away again". Baby, I ain't gone no where if you want to get at me I'm not hard to find.
3. J will probably hit me up in the future but right now and then, no dice. Friendship is all I'm offering.
   
4. T-Bear calls me talking about, "You forgot about me I see." Boy, please. As I said before you broke two dates with me without warning or a call. Don't come at me with that "I forgot about you" nonsense. Those with glass houses should not throw stones.
5. Mr. Smith... yeah. He asked me to help "make him feel better". (Ya'll know what I mean) Let me think about this... No thanks. Moving on.
   
6. City... was a distraction that I'm gonna leave in the past. Some things are better left alone.
7. My epic fail has stopped calling, texting, and IMing. Hallelujah! Update: I jinxed myself. Tell me why he just hit me up on IM. Then when I ignored him hit me on my phone. Catch a clue dude. I DON'T WANT YOU.
   
8. Haven't heard from Trig in a while. Which is not a bad thing.
9. And the young buck I mentioned before (see Young Bucks on the Come Up) he is pressing me hard. Lawd have mercy, he about to be cut off.
10. And last but not least, Mr. E. Lord knows I miss this man. Wrote him a peom the other day and been thinking about him like crazy but... I'm still a single girl. Yes I'd love to be with him and I've made that clear but unless he wants and acts on being with me a single girl I will remain.

So, as always Singleville is interesting. But exhausting. I need a vacation. And the new prospects are prospects and are up in the air. Do I really want to expend my energy on getting to know someone when it may go nowhere?

Thats the question I have to answer.

...to be continued

TMI

I have found that guys like to talk. A LOT. They say that they don't. That women will talk your ear off but trust me, if you give a guy a comforting smile and a willing ear he will tell you his whole life story. And I've heard a lot of life stories. But how much info is too much info to share.

I've heard about baby mommas, ex-girlfriend cheated with another girl, almost got engaged, parents moved away without me, my moms kicked me out, I was engaged, my pops and I don't get along, my girlfriend used to beat me up. I mean and the list goes on. Its like I'm these guys therapist. Lol.

While I don't mind listening (you find out a lot about who someone is when you listen) some of these things were told to after I had just met them. I must come off as really trust worth. But some of these thing I feel a girl should be eased into. I'm all for disclosure but are you trying to keep me interested or are you trying to scare me away?

To be honest some of the things I've heard give me a complex about the guy. It also causes me to watch what I say and do around them. I mean, really, if he telling me all of this what will he tell someone else about me?

I get that everyone has baggage. I have baggage too, but I don't share it just like that. I have to feel like the relationship is going some where before I put myself out there. Now I'm not talking about telling people about your favorite color or food, that you like to play football or that you think Rihanna is hot, but dropping that the reason your last relationship didn't work is because you caught your girlfriend having a menage a trois with your best friend and his cousin Pookie into first date conversation is not the thing to do.

So I guess the question is, how much of yourself should you reveal when getting to know someone new? How much information is too much information? Should you reveal things in stages? Are there just some things you should never reveal?

I'm telling, you talking to some of these guys I feel like a psychiatrist. I just can't prescribe medication (I really don't have a license to practice either. *shrugs*) lol. Are guys looking for a psychiatrist or a girlfriend? Yeah I can listen but don't expect me to be your ride or die chick and I've known you all of 8 mins. Be realistic. And this goes for girls too.

Sometimes people share too much. I think in some cases I've heard too much which kills the love connection. So how much is too much?

Guys say we women talk a lot. They ain't got nothing on us. Lol.

... to be continued.

Young Bucks on the Come Up

Ok so this came to me out of a IM I got last night. I've talked about the phenomena of the young buck (see Is Young the New Black?) before but it just occurred to me that I've had a few pursue me.

Last night a guy that I had talked to briefly (and when I say briefly I mean briefly, maybe a month, maybe) hit me up trying to rekindle something. While at first I couldn't remember much (I had talked to him like 4 months ago) it slowly came back including how old he was (he's 21). I also remembered that he and his friend had both tired to talk to me simultaneously (see The Last 2 Weeks). That in and of itself was high school games. But I entertained him. So we talking and he's trying to exercise some swag (which was actually pretty good). He tells me he's not in school and not working but has an interview to work at JFK coming up. (Side Note: Does everybody form the NY work at JFK nowadays? Everytime I've asked a guy lately where he works he say JFK. Just wondering.) So I think to myself, not in school, I'm a college graduate. No job, I currently work full-time as an accountant. How is this gonna work? But he's persistant. Wants us to hang out. So I tell him pump your breaks let me see a pic of you. Pic comes. Why does he look 17, 18 at best. That is the end of the discussion. What do you have to offer me? Now this is not the first time this has happened.

Poetry (his writing skills are on point) is a 20 year old who pursued me hard. I met him about a year ago. I love a man who can flow. In our first IM convo he told me he wanted to write a poem with me. Every response I wrote he wrote a counter poetic response. It was hot. It was original and definitely sparked my interest. After that he would send me poems thru email. Alll of them deep, heartfelt, and just plain awesome. Before I know it (like 3 convos in) dude is asking me to be his girlfriend. Whoa! Sure I was feeling his vibe but man, we just getting to know each other. He talking "I can be everything you need in a man. I want to give you everything mentally emotionally and physically." I asked why, cuz dude barely knew me at that point. Plus he was a full time student. I was still in school and working. So what, we were to live on love a lone? He told me because I had been hurt before and I deserved better. (Now I had been hurt but really?) This threw me for a loop. This just didn't sit right with me so I threw him the friend card and he stopped hitting me up. So recently he hit me up again with this same deal. But this time more intense. (In like the first IM convo he asked me to be his girl). Now I'm all for being bold but this don't make sense to me. So I say to him I don't usually date guys younger than me, send me your picture. Pic comes. He looks 16! I'm like, this is definitely not going to work. So I had to throw him the friend card again. At least he saw it coming but he wanted me to say yes I yours and thats not me. I weigh the pros and cons first. I do miss the poems though. Lol.

Finally, there is Skittles. (He is a candy fiend.) I've know him for at least 4 or 5 years. And he has had a crush on me since he was 15. But get this he is 5 years younger than me. (Yes, 5) He has been telling me since then that we're gonna get married and have kids. The whole nine. Now at first I thought it was funny and cute. Until I realized he was dead serious. Everytime he sees me he tells me, "You know I love you right?" Its so bad that every time my friends see him they tell me my husband is coming to see me. (No joke.) And boy is bold. Trying to steal kisses, if I'm not home when he stops by the house he gets upset, he even gets pissed if I have a boyfriend. So when he turned 16 he says, "When are we gonna get together?" I am 21 at this time. Do I hear statutory? So I tell him when he turns 18, graduates from high school, and comes to church. So when he turned 18 last year, back he came with the same question. He had the first, was working on the second (He graduated this past June. So proud!), and we won't talk about the third. This time I told him when he gets a job. I'm sure once he does that he'll be back. While he does look young, he is super attractive. Chocolate skin, athletic build, gorgeous smile but mad young. *Sigh*. If he were older I'd get with him in a heartbeat (Don't tell him that cuz then he'd never leave me alone) but as I said before, what we gonna live on, love a lone? Thats not me. Pros and cons. Love doesn't pay bills.

Why do I say all this. Because these young bucks are aggressive nowadays. They make it plain and they be bold. They older counterparts on the other hand, I've found, play way too many games. (Not all but a lot of them.) They also seem to be more into their careers. A lot of these young come ups through are sexy as hell and can get a girl in trouble. (Watching any college game now makes me feel dirty when I oogle the players cuz I know I'm older than almost all of them).

Now I'm not old, I'm 23, but I've been working for almost 10 years now so when a guy says to you I gotta get my money together and then we can go out and the date is to Starbucks (this has happened) there is a problem. We all know that they money is coming from the allowance they parents give them. Lol. Now I could wait for them to grow up and get older but then that means I'd be older too. (Skittles likes to mock me with this saying, "By the time we get married you'll be old." Ha ha.) But even if I wait for them to get older in age that doesn't make them mentally and emotional older. Dilemma.

I'm an old soul. I love old school music, poetry, history and discussing world events. (I know this makes me sound boring but really... oh who am I kidding I am a little boring but I'm ok with that. Lol.) Not much in common with a young buck at all. I mean I usually have very little in common with guys my own age. This probably explains my love and appreciation of older men. I mean just today me and my sis where talking about Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown and the little boy she babysits asked, "Who is Bobby Brown?" Ouch. I felt so sad.

The thing is I'm trying to get to marrywood. And while it may take a few years to get there I can't imagine waiting a few years for a young buck to get older then wait a couple more years for them to want to get married. I'm looking for a man who has a job (with benefits, lol), appreciates good music and can hold a decent conversation without too many "yo mas" and "you know what I'm sayings" in there. These young bucks are just a tease. Could I get a man with the cahones of some of these guys? You know a guy I can't get arrested for dating or I can at least take to a place that serves alcohol. Lol. To my older gentlemen, be a little aggressive, show some boldness (an not just about wanting to sex me up) and put yourself out there.

This single girl is waiting for the right man to step up. I know he's out there.

Mr. E...

...to be continued.