Life Isn't Always a Fairy Tale...

I'm a person who can get lost in a book. My head in the clouds. I've been so many places, with so many people in my fantasies and imagination.

I was a dreamer. I was a person who looked for happy endings and silver linings.

Often enough life changes you. Maybe I grew up too sheltered. Maybe I lived in a bubble... that's finally been burst. A glass house... now shattered into a million pieces. A tower of cards... now knocked over.

I miss who I used to be. I really liked her. This jaded miss has finally broken. She's realized that you don't get older, fall in love, get married, have babies, grow old together in the span of a two hour movie. Sometimes your alone, by yourself, ...Single

We don't always get what we want when we desperately want it. We don't always have it waiting for us when get done living, running, funning. We don't always because....

Life Isn't always a Fairy Tale

...to be continued

Plum Tired

I hate this feeling of loneliness. I'm tempted to play Roberta but I know that will put me deeper in my funk. I want to just turn everything off and just breath for a second. I feel like everyone wants a piece of me. If I give everyone a piece what will I have left?

Baby, I'm the man for u. I'll make you feel good. I'll treat you the way a woman should be treated. Then why do I still feel this hole? How are you the man for me if you can't touch my soul? Sure you can touch my body. Anyone if they are looking to please will find a way to do so but what about my heart? What about touching the essence of who I am? Looking me in my eyes and telling me you love me for who I am. Not baby I worship your body ur so fine. Not gosh that ass, the things I could do to that ass. Not baby send me a pic. Not baby I want to see if you taste as good as you look.

I want to be told that my heart is what drew you, my mind is what glued you and the beauty of my essence is what keeps you. I am more than measurements, I am more than big lips and a fat ass, I am more than a wet hole.

I have a mind and dreams and goals and values. Stop telling me your every woman's fantasy and ask me what my fantasy is because maybe you ain't it. I'm more than empty promises you have no intention of fulfilling. Stop trying to get in my pants because when thats the only thing you show me thats the only way I see you. Stop trying to squeeze every drop of all that I've got out of me.

I feel like I have nothing left.

I'm just PLUM TIRED

.... to be continued

Don't Hurt Me

My heart melted when the MC told me this. What could I say? One of my biggest fears is hurting someone the way I've been hurt in the past. Being hurt by someone that you care about can be so destructive. That probably explains why I can be so closed off to men. It takes me a while to let them get close to me because I know that if I allow myself to care about them and then they hurt me it will be a tough thing for me to get over.

So when the MC told me, "Don't hurt me" I felt some of the ice around my heart start to melt. I told him I wouldn't because I know how it feels to be hurt and I truthfully don't want to but those 4 reservations I had keep nagging at me. Will I be able to handle all that he wants from me? At this point I don't know.

Even when you have the best of intentions is it inevitable that you will hurt someone? *sigh*

Singleville...

... to be continued.

She's Gone!

She's gone. My sister has landed in Texas safely. Thank God. Was up at 5 this morning to see her off at the airport. Sitting in the car with my eyes all shut holding her pillows. Helping her unload her stuff. But my sister is in Texas. : (


Me and my sister have this amazing relationship. Yeah we get on each others nerves sometimes but we thick as thieves and if you mess with one you mess with both, ya heard. Lol. Anyway, we had never been apart from each other until she went away to college 4 years ago. (She graduated this passed May. So proud.) I mean we went to the same daycare, preschool, private school, and high school. People used to think we were twins. (Not now but back in the day)


So when she graduated and came back home we thought she'd be back to stay. Nope. She's an active person and her job as a house sitter (unemployed) wasn't gonna work for her so she applied to this teen missions school in Texas. Texas! Now there is nothing wrong with Texas but it is soooooooooooooo far from the NY.

When she went away to school yeah it was hard but her school was in the Bronx. She was only a bus and 2 trains ride away. Now she's a plane ride away. $4.00 roundtrip (Back then. Dag on MTA raising the fare.) is a lot cheaper than a $100 or more plane ride. : (

Thankfully she'll only be gone for a year but how will I survive Singleville without her? She's been there through all the antics, foolishness, joys, laughs... everything. The person to give me kick in my pants advice. Bust a gut laughing over a situation that almost pushed me too far. I know I can call but its not the same. Her facial expressions are the icing on the cake.


*sigh* I know I sound selfish. The truth is I'm gonna miss her. I miss her already but I know that she has to follow the journey God has set before her just like I do. Lord, can't they run a little closer together?

Well, I will survive. The year will be finished before I know it and she'll be back. Until then I'll miss her something awful. : (

... to be continued