Playing With Fire

Yesterday I turned up the heat with Trig. Normally I'm not this crazy but Mr. Hyde reared her quite pretty (since its mine, lol) head again. Now I'm only talking about im-ing on aim. (If I was taking about a face to face encounter the title of this post would be On Fire). But I let myself reveal a side of myself that most people don't get to see. (Who am I kidding. Almost no one sees it unless...you've kissed me before.)

I'm playing with fire because I know he's a very sexually person and though I am too (not to the degree he is though) I know that I made a promise to abstain. So why did I engage in the freaky talk? Because as much as I hate to admit it his sexuality intrigues me. I find myself wondering what has he done, what is he willing to do, and it goes on and on and...you get the picture.

My ultimate goal is marriage (I ain't down for flings). Although I'm a Christian and I wish my future husband to be one too, lets make no mistake I don't want him to be a virgin. I want to be with a man who knows what he's doing and I'll take my ques from him and will be able to freely express myself without feeling like I'm doing something inappropriate.

For me experience is sexy which probably explains my fascination with Trig and Mr. Hyde's ability to come out so easily with him. I have no fear of being judged by him. Warning: This can lead you down the path of sleeping with this man. Yes, this I know.

Everything in my head is telling me to be on my guard. My body is yearning for some action. And my heart, is still wrapped up in Mr. E for reasons truly unknown to me.

I know that fire can burn and cause damage but I find myself fantasizing about that fire a lot more than I should.

This weekend I enter the danger zone as I have a planned date with him. I'm still debating whether i should cancel. (He most def will be pissed if I do.)

The question is: How do I come out of the fiery pit unscathed?

Only if Jesus is in the midst. (A Bible story just hit me)

Pray for me cuz its summer time, I'm all hot and bothered, and if this fire don't get extinguished soon it's gonna turn into a full blown inferno.

...to be continued.

All Hot and Bothered

Lately it seems I'm horny all the time. (Can you even say that in a blog?) I can't turn it off and its for no good reason. If I was married this would be a non issue. I would get my husband to handle business. (Disclaimer: I'm not advocating getting married just to have sex.) But I'm not married and I abstain so I'm suffering. What bad is that I know of some one who could set me straight no string attached. (He shall remain nameless.) But then I would be going against my beliefs. But its not getting better. I am so stressed out with everything in my life and this is only adding to it. I think I might go insane.

I find myself praying for willpower even as my mind wanders to some naughty place.

As a single Christian how can I hold myself to the standards that I've set and that God has set and still survive in the dating jungle? How do you not allow your urges to control the type of man you let into your world? (unconsciously sometimes we choose the guy who will give us immediate gratification and not the one that will give us lasting gratification)

This single girl is struggling but I have to keep trusting that God will send me my prince charming. Hopefully soon, I mean I won't die but when God does finally present this man to me I don't want to scare him with my ferocious appetite. Lol.

All a girl is asking for is some peace. Is that so hard?

...to be continued

Well...

Today was an interesting day. I had to ask myself "is my loneliness is driving my current relationships?" Why am I holding on to Mr. E when he obviously isn't holding on to me? Since when do i have a "I would sleep with you category"? Why do I accept less than what I'm worthy of?

Well...

When will it all make sense and my dreams come true?

Living in Singleville is painful and ... I'm sleepy.

...to be continued