Reminiscing

For the last few weeks I've been taking long distance trips down memory lane. After the funeral of the Ex I was replaying in my mind all the times we spent together. Wondering if things coulda ended differently between us. The answer: Maybe but most likely it would have all played out the same.

Its amazing that after someone dies no matter how you ended you want to remember the good times.

My mom has been great through this entire process by the way. I've been able to talk through it with her and its been therapeutic. She got what I meant when I said that I felt disconnected at his funeral, like the person they were talking about I didn't know. It seemed like I had this totally different experience of him.

I didn't cry and I wondered why. I thought I woulda been a basket case. But I realized I grieved for him when we broke up so I felt sadness, especially for his family, but I didn't feel deep sorrow. Like something I treasured was lost to me forever, I had already through that already. He had been lost to me years ago.

So during this trip my mom said to me, "What was it about him that made you so comfortable? That allowed you to be who you are? You need to figure that out and find the guy you can have that level of comfort with." That sounds like amazing advice. Why didn't I think of that?

Taking a look back is a good practice, you always need to see where you've come from but you don't want to stay there. I'm looking forward to moving forward.

... to be continued.