Holding Me Back

I like 6'8. A lot. But something is holding me back.

He is great. When we go out we have so much fun. Its flirty, its fun, its so nice.

So what is holding me back?

I feel like its a combo of things. 

1. Though it feels right am I ready for another relationship so soon?
2. His age is throwing me. 20 years is a HUGE gap.
3. I know that marriage is on his mind, is his goal sooner rather than later am I ready, stable enough for that commitment? If we were to get married would we be able to grow old together?
4. Do I want to raise my kids by myself in the event he did pass away. 
5. How will my family react to this relationship?

(Yes I do think about all these things.) 

I haven't even kissed him yet. The chemistry is there. Its electric but I can't bring myself to do so. I can't  kiss someone and not be all in. I want to be. It wouldn't be fair to not be available heart, body and soul. I don't want to give a piece of myself just like I don't want some one to only give me a piece of them. I want to be able to give all of me. Thats the only way I do relationships. 

I can't help thinking, "Gosh I wish he were 10 years younger" 

...and that my heart was totally free. *sigh*


... to be continued.

You're Not Animals

With all these scandals that have come to light in the media (Tiger Woods, Jesse James, Tiki Barber, Shaq, etc.) I have to say this...

I am so tired of people making excuses for men who cheat. I even heard one woman say it is in a Black man's DNA to stray. WTF is that?

"He's a sex addict. He couldn't help himself."

I don't want to hear another psychiatrist or "sex expert" try to give "scientific" (side eye) info for this phenomena. How about they just wanna f*$! everything they see and they know they can get away with it? When will we stop making excuses for bad behavior? When will we stop tolerating it? I will not accept that its ingrained in men to cheat. Not when I know that is not the case.

Its about self-control. And we all need to exercise it. Men don't have to stick their peen in everything that has a vagina. Sometimes men you need to keep that thing that swings between your legs in your damn pants. I'm sorry but the last time I checked only animals were the ones that could not control themselves.

The way I see it, gentlemen you should be insulted because they are reducing you to animals in heat that cannot control their basic primitive urges. Get a clue. You can control yourself.

You're NOT Animals!

End of Rant.

 ... to be continued  

I Seriously Considered....

getting back with Washington.

After we broke up my emotions were a wreck. Then after I visited him back in March all those feelings and how easy it was came back. Until...

We talked about my faith again. Everytime he would remind me why I broke it off in the first place. Now for someone who wants me back you'd think he would at least come to church when I invited him. (He would always tell me he would come to church if I asked. Yeah right.)

So we started hanging out more. He took me out for my birthday and we hung out 2 more times after that but I realized that nothing had changed to caused me to take him back. And he didn't want to change and I wasn't willing to compromise on my non-negotiable.

So now... I know I can't go back if all I'm going back to is what made me walk in the first place. What was the point of the break up if I go back and nothing has changed?

The problem is that I would want to be friends but there is still to much there. He's fun to hang with, I feel comfortable, and I can relax. When you're friends with someone you can agree to disagree on almost anything as long as your respectful about it. When in a relationship its different.

This is new territory for me. I've never done the ex as friend thing so we'll see if this works.

... to  be continued

Shaun T...

is kicking my butt. So I added to my weight loss regime the Insanity home workouts. These DVDs are INSANE. It ain't no joke. Its all cardio, high intensity, non-stop. Each workout is 30-40 minutes but at the end of it I am sweating bullets, my muscles are screaming, my heart is racing and I'm breathing hard.

Why am I torturing myself you may ask? Lol.

Have you seen the way those people look in the video just from 2 months of this stuff? They look INSANE! Insanely good that is. Summertime is around the corner and I've got 10 pounds to lose and a bunch of clothes I'm trying to get myself back into. 

So I ain't gonna meet my goal of 10 pounds by May but I will make it by June if I stick with this program.

I was gonna do P90X but I can't stand the man that leads it. At least Shaun T is a little bit of eye candy and he's encouraging.

But boy do I be hurting. 

... to be continued

Updates on the Horizon

My lack of posting isn't because of lack of material. I have lots to say just not enough hours in the day. I have stuff about 6'8, Washington, Ghana, my Workout Challenge, and why is it that so many men keep trying to make a comeback in my life. And I have to get back to my Is It Wrong posts. So stayed tuned. I hope to get to posting quite soon. *crossing my fingers and toes*

I gotta figure out a way to be consistent in here. 

... to be continued

I'm walking down the street on my way to work when i see two guys walking toward me. We all know where this is going. I know they are checking me out. As we pass each other the one closest to me leans in and says, "Mmm, healthy woman" and smiles. Ok so trivia this morning. Wat the hell does that mean? Lol. How am I supposed to take that? Uh, thanks for noticing. Lol.
Men tickle me
...to be continued

Bus sighting. Haven't done one of these in awhile. I love a man that match. And he's rocking one of my favorite colors - camel (or tan). And he smells good. Not loving the braids he rocking but he's a cutie. ;)

...to be continued

A Girlfriend On Loan?

Since when is is cool to have a girlfriend on loan to you from her sugar daddy?

Did I miss something? Is that how black celebs get down these days? And men are co-signing on this.

WTF?!  A girlfriend on loan from her sugar daddy? I'm hoping this story ain't true but if it is I have to say this:

THAT'S NASTY!!!

Ain't no reason for all of that. Go find a girl you don't have to pay to sleep with you. My gosh.

...to be continued 

Lance Gross is...

DELICIOUS!
Yes he is. Lord forgive me. I could just devour him. Slurp. Lol. That is all.

... to be continued.

Eye Spy

Eye spied this in the Duane Reade.

Aisle 1 is the ethnic aka black people hair care products aisle. Lol. Lawd have mercy.

... to be continued

Duke!

As the sports nut that I am you know I was watching the game and my Blue Devils came out on top. Down to the wire, buzzer beater shot and the Duke Blue Devil's are this years NCAA Men's Basketball Champions. Congratulations!

I also have to give up to Butler. They made it a good game. They played hard and left it all out on the floor.

This has to be one of the best tournaments I've seen in a good long while. I was very impressed.

... to be continued

I Fell Off... A Little Bit

Ok so I start out strong with this weight loss task and then... I hit a snag.

So this past weekend (Happy Belated Easter everyone) was crazy. We had a lock-in at the church for the youth Friday night into Saturday morning. I was fasting so I didn't fall off at this point. When I got home the next morning I was exhausted. I had stayed up till almost 5 the night before doing the activities with the young people so I was wiped. Needless to say I didn't exercise anything but my eyelids closing in sleep, my body prostrate on my couch. (Too tired to make it to the bed). Hiccup #1.

Hiccup #2 - Every Easter Sunday at my church the men cook breakfast. I'm talking grits, hash browns, eggs, sausage, ham, bacon, and this homemade bread that melts in your mouth. OMG! There was nooooooooooo way I was missing this once in a year event. So I chowed down. Out the door went my Activa yogurt and high fiber oatmeal. On a positive note I did keep to taking my vitamins, green tea dietary supplement, and drinking water.

Hiccup #3 - I had Boston Market yesterday for lunch. The office was ordering and I couldn't resist their meatloaf, mash potatoes, and sweet potatoes with marshmallows. It is soooo good. And when I thought about what was in my desk to warm up (low sodium soup or chef boyardee) this was like a no brainer to me. I wanted the good stuff. *sigh*

And finally, Hiccup #5, I haven't exercised in 2 days. Totally not good. Sunday I had been up since 5:30 am for sunrise service. When I got home I was done. I did try to keep healthy with dinner though. (Broccoli and white rice. Shoulda done brown but whatever. Lol.) And yesterday I got home so late from work I just wanted to relax so I veged out.

But your girl plans to be back at it today. Hitting the abs and cardio hard tonight. I'll be so happy when my dance classes resume too. Washington thinks he's got this in the bag. I gotta make sure to give him a run for his money.


Especially cuz he felt the need to taunt me this morning. My Activia yogurt, green tea dietary supplement, and single packet of high fiber oatmeal was def back in rotation after that. The worse thing someone who wants to beat me can do is taunt me. I don't like to lose so thats just more motivation.

I'm hoping that some of these habits actually stick though. I fell off but I'm back on. Lets do this.

... to be continued

The Bet

So Washington and I have entered into a bet. We have to lose 10 pounds by May or suffer the consequences. So I have to lose 10 pounds in 4 weeks. I've never dieted before. I've never had to because my metabolism was always racing at the speed of light and I was always very active. But now....

This is gonna be so hard. The exercise thing won't be too bad but I'm so used to eating whatever. Changing eating habit is hard but I soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo want to beat him. That's enough motivation for me. I wanna rub his smug face in it cuz he doesn't think I can do it. Plus I'll be back down to my fighting weight of 135 so it'll be all good.

Today is the start of the bet so wish me luck!

... to be continued