Friday, April 30, 2010

Holding Me Back

I like 6'8. A lot. But something is holding me back.

He is great. When we go out we have so much fun. Its flirty, its fun, its so nice.

So what is holding me back?

I feel like its a combo of things. 
  1. Though it feels right am I ready for another relationship so soon?
  2. His age is throwing me. 20 years is a HUGE gap.
  3. I know that marriage is on his mind, is his goal sooner rather than later am I ready, stable enough for that commitment? If we were to get married would we be able to grow old together?
  4. Do I want to raise my kids by myself in the event he did pass away. 
  5. How will my family react to this relationship?
(Yes I do think about all these things.) 

I haven't even kissed him yet. The chemistry is there. Its electric but I can't bring myself to do so. I can't  kiss someone and not be all in. I want to be. It wouldn't be fair to not be available heart, body and soul. I don't want to give a piece of myself just like I don't want some one to only give me a piece of them. I want to be able to give all of me. Thats the only way I do relationships. 

I can't help thinking, "Gosh I wish he were 10 years younger" 

...and that my heart was totally free. *sigh*

... to be continued.


Unbreakable said...

I raised all the good questions, I have always dated older females and that some of the questions that come across my mind and theirs as well. The good thing about a woman being older is that she normally live 10 older than the males. in your situation its different. but if you can see yourself with this guy and me all in then make the best informed decision you can passable do.

All the best. Life is only one enjoy it.

JStar said...

Take it slow then...I know what he wants but if you arent ready, then he needs to respect that...Dont rush into it either way but dont run for the hills...Take your time and raise all these questions over and over and pray about them...He WILL guide you in the direction that is right, if you open your eyes and ears and listen...

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