Friday, July 24, 2009

Dirt On They Shoe

I like to observe relationships (probably cuz I'm not in one). But I observe relationships to see how they tick and see the traits I want and I don't want in one when I am in one. So this relationship is one that I don't want to model. The title could probably tell you that.

Ok, so I've known this guy since we was little kids. We're about a year apart. Our moms are real tight. Used to hang with his sister. I've met a lot of his family. Yada, yada, yada. Me and him go way back. We'll call him Bamma cuz this dude got a booty on him, boy. Now I'm a girl who likes a nice, juicy... ok I was about to tell on myself. So I'll just say he working with a lot in the back and I'll leave it at that. Now back in the day I believe pretty strongly (he may dispute me on this) that he was feeling me. But at the time I was young, in junior high, and I was heavily into sports and thought boys were dumb. (Still into sports but my perception of the fellas has changed ;) ) Well, I think I hurt his feelings a little bit (ok, I know I hurt his feelings but c'mon I was young and dumb and this ain't the point of the story so I'm moving on.) Now as I got older, I will admit (begrudgingly) that I started feeling him (I mean he got fine on me all of a sudden) but I'm so over that now. I mean he's a good looking guy; gorgeous eyes, athletic, I already talked about the booty but... I don't just measure people by their outer appearence but their inner self and as the story continues you'll understand why I am no longer feeling him.

So he has been dating this girl for what has to be 5 years if my calculations are correct. Now I've heard about this girl, I've known about this girl (from his sister), I've seen this girl, I've even been in the same room with this girl with him standing right there and said hi to him but hadn't been introduced to her until recently. Ok, so that may not be that strange but it gets better (or maybe I should say worse). He has disrespected her so many times its unbelievable. At one point I knew more of his extended family then she did (he didn't introduce her to them until like 3 years in.) He has ignored her, let his sister disrespect her to her face, and in one case that I observed literally boxed her out of a conversation. I mean physically boxed her out like this was a baaketball game. I was outraged for her.

Now I respect her devotion to him but for me 5 years and no ring? No mention of marriage? Being disrespected to my face and treating me like you ashamed of me? You don't even introduce me to people you've known almost your whole life? "Not I", said the cat. "Not I." I woulda dumped his trifling tail such a loooooooooooooong time ago. Plus, homeboy was gone for a year at college without her. Only God knows what he was doing while she wasn't there. I mean he is fine and if he was treating her like dirt up here I doubt he would have any qualms about playing the field. (We woulda had a conversation about our relationship before he left cuz if he not thinking long term deuces. You do your thing I do mine. Its all good.)

After seeing all this I thought to myself, "Thank God I dodged a bullet because if he had disrespected me like that, ooh Lawd, I'd kill'em dead." Ok not exactly dead but I'd consider it. Lol. I mean he even treats me rudely at times (I never said we were friends). I let that roll off cuz I'm too blessed to be worried about his stupidness. You want to ignore me? Go on right ahead. My value is not found in you. You can pretend I don't exist and I can pretend you don't exist.

Why do I care so much? Cuz it hurts me that this girl lets him treat her like this. Everytime I see her I want to go over to her and give her a hug and say, "Girl, I'm here for you." Of course I can't do that. She'd look at me like I was crazy. But it causes me to ask, "Why do women, beautiful, bright, intelligent women allow men to treat them like the Dirt on they Shoe?"

I mean, honestly she could find a man who could treat her way better. What pisses me off is he knows better. His mother even corrected him the day that we were standing in the same room and he didn't introduce us. I'm not invisible. She's not invisible. Where are your manners?! (His mom ended up introducing us.) I mean let some guy try and treat his sister this way, he'd be ready to kill him. So why would you do this to someone else?

Frankly, if this was me, and it wouldn't be, but if this was me, the first time I was disrespected we woulda had a talk. The first time his sister got in my face it woulda got deaded right there. (Trust me, she has tried me before in the past and I had to squash that mess; fast, quick and in a hurry or one of us would not be here to tell the story) And if he didn't introduce me I woulda introduced myself.

This is my thing, if you ashamed to be with me that's on you but I'm not ashamed of who I am at all. And I woulda walked. Relationship done. I'd be gone, watch me sashay myself away from you, head held high cuz I don't need this BS. Puh-lease.

Where I see this ending up if they don't get married (or at the VERY least engaged) in the next year is that he will string her along and then some other woman (who is like his mother) who will put him in his place will saunter in. He'll dump old girl here because he don't won't need her anymore and he will marry this new one within a year. Two tops. I've seen it before. So she will have wasted all that time with him and what will she have gotten? Used and Abused.

Do I wish this for her? Not at all. But I don't wish for her to marry him either. I wish she would see enough value in herself to get up and walk away. In the long run her self-esteem will skyroocket with that decision. He's treating her like dirt. And I wish I could tell her but as my mom tells me, that's not my place.

I'm just trying to wrap my head around, "Why do women let men treat them like dirt on they shoe?" I don't understand it and while at times I have let guys walk over me a bit, I find now that I'm in the driver seat a lot more. If you don't like me. Fine. You don't call. That's cool but don't expect me to jump when you say jump. Ladies we need to find worth in ourselves because we are the prize. Don't ever forget that.

Men PLEASE step up! We waiting on ya'll.

... to be continued.


JSADTheKing said...

Let me just stand of for us Men that have already recognized the difference between a penny and Dime. LOL. there were times when I was single I would see a good woman with a sorry dude and I would be in shock as to why she would allow him to treat her like that. Hmmmf Guess its one of those mysteries of the world.

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