Mail-Order Husband

So, in the crazy recesses of my mind. I've been thinking about the possibility of advertising for a mail-order husband.

Its crazy I know. I've been reading a lot of stories about mail-order brides recently. I'm fascinated by history and I have come to feel a kinship with these women in these stories. So of them fictitious and some of them real. They are ladies who felt unwanted, past their time, unpretty, plain or damaged, and lack confidence; like this was their last hope.

I've felt all these things on more than one occassion. I sympathize with these women who put all their hopes and dreams on a man they had never met and barely knew but for a few letters. This I know but sometimes when your at the wits end... you do some crazy things.

Maybe... I don't know. Sometimes I think I'm losing my mind over this marriage and babies stuff. Sometimes when you want something so bad it starts to consume you.

My biggest fear is making a decision out of desperation. Marriage for me is forever. Its a big decision that I have to live with til I die. I want to make the best choices possible but my choices feel limited and that makes me anxious. Gosh, sometimes I wish I was a man.

...to be continued.