Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Breaking Up is hard to do :(

For the past 3 days I've been on relationship overload. My mother and sister recently have been concerned about the choices I'm making dating wise and sat me down on Sunday to discuss it. I can't say that I disagree.

Countless times I've said I'm not the one to drop my player card but taking a good hard look that's exactly what I've been doing. ( to my sister's joy, now she's not the one that's all screwed up. lol.) My mom says I don't know what I want. The thing is i do but what I want doesn't seem to be out there. So as I say one thing, I do another out of some misguided fear that I will be alone for the rest of my life. In essence, I'm settling. (Ugh!)

The bottom line. All the guys I've been talking to recently are not the one. Trig contradicts himself way too much. As fine as he is he's not the guy for me and I'll end up tied to him for life because I'll get comfortable and overlook the gross discrepancies in his words and actions and kisses. (Its ironic the last movie I saw with him was The Break Up). T-Bear is nice but I don't feel any chemistry between us and besides he's way to cynical. (coming from me that says a lot). And J, is supposed to be my friend but wants to be more than friends and keeps putting expectations on me that I can't and won't live up to. (its kinda like talking to a girl trying to run a guilt trip on you).

The consensus is (my mom, sister, and dad) that I need to let them all know before they get attached that we don't have the same goals. Problem is I know they are all attached already. And I hate to be the bearer of bad news. Its inevitable that someone will get hurt.

But my mother would say, "I don't care about them. I care about you and you getting hurt."

How did a casual dating experiment become so complicated? I know that they are right but that doesn't mean I look forward to it. You want to please everybody but you can't. I know if I propose friendship they'll probably tell me go f-myself but is that the price for happiness?

This is why I hate dating. At this point I'm tired of juggling and soothing and making everyone happy. I'm exhausted and frustrated and need a man break.

What about Mr. E? Well... Mr. E is still Mr. E but Damaris now is trying to be more of a mystery to him. And if it doesn't work out life will go on. But I think I'll hold on to him a little bit longer.

Breaking up is hard to do especially when you were never in a relationship to begin with.

... to be continued


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