Forest green hair. Is that wats up in 2009. Smh. Can u believe its almost over???

Merry Christmas!!!!!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

I hope that you are blessed and enjoying this Holiday wherever you are ;)

Lady Dee

Being A Couple

I find myself in an interesting place. The longest couple I've ever been apart of is with my sister. Lol. For most of our lives we were know as "the girls". We've had our ups and downs but in the end we always come back to each other. Thats the nature of our bond.

Aren't we cute ;)

But now I find I'm in a different kind of couple. The male/female dynamic is interesting because my honey and I, we just don't think alike. Its a growing experience for me because things that I think are inappropriate Washington doesn't see why its a big deal. I get upset so easily and I have to realize that he doesn't think like me.

He frustrates me at times and I want to throw up my hands and walk away but u can't do that in a relationship. You have to try to work things out. You have to try and look at things from the others point of view. Relationships are work. Lol. (I know thats like a big, DUH!)

My sister and I are so in-tune to each other that we know when something is not right or wat the other wants to say before they say it. It doesn't even seem like work. But we have had our ups and downs. Plus, our sister relationship has taken years to develop. Its not really fair to compare the two is it?

I'm finding that I need to be more understanding, more patient, and give Washington a chance because....

He really cares. He cares about my feelings, is becoming acquainted with my moods, and he's trying and I need to try just as hard. No relationship is perfect. Its about give and take. Learning and understanding your partner. Growing with them. Being patient, faithful, and loving. He's willing to make things better because he wants to make me happy. And thats important. I have to return that effort otherwise wats the point of being a couple?

So, I need to give my relationship a chance to grow just like I worked hard to grow my relationship with my sister.

It makes me wonder wat is holding me back from that?

.... to be continued

Cookies

Happy Holidays Everyone!

Tis the season of cookies. Cookies, cookies, COOKIES. lol.




I've been baking for the last three weeks! And I still have more to do. It has become a tradition that I bake and I LOVE it. I love share my love of baking with others. Sugar cookies, chocolate chip, snickerdoodles, gingerbread, homemade rice krispy treats, and.....

Added pounds on my thighs :(

But its Christmas so I'm going to enjoy indulging myself. ;-D


... to be continued.

" I like ur face." Is that how men talk to women now? Wat kinda compliment is that? I like my face too. Wat happened to, "I think ur beautiful" or "Ur pretty"? Maybe i'm being critical but c'mon fellas. That don't move this girl.

Question: How do u, while on the bus, ask a stranger minding their own business "Are u bi?" Out loud no less. Smh. I'm not frowning at the question being asked but be tactful people. Lucky the bus ain't crowded. But the look on the girl's face when she got asked was priceless. Lol.

Bus sighting. Ladies long sweaters are not dresses. And tights are not leggings. You're just wearing a shirt and no bottoms. And seeing as how its in the 30s here in the NY..... What the heck is wrong wit u? Cuz i know your freezing.

Do I Share Too Much?

Maybe I do. I got a comment on my last post saying that I shouldn't of written it. That my boyfriend wouldn't appreciate it if he knew I had. Was I being selfish or mean spirited when writing it? Was I really thinking about how he would feel? I guess because almost no one knows who he is (besides those close to me) I didn't think about it.

Hmmm. I think I'm gonna chill....

And think.

Questioning

"I think you would neglect your family"

This is what my boyfriend said to me this morning because when he asked me what my top 5 priorities were I included church in the list. We spent an hour going back an forth over this and it just pissed me off even more. I did not need to hear that this morning cuz it jacked up my whole day.

It got me thinking to myself, "Then why is he with me?" If you think that I could neglect my own children why would you be with me? Then I thought, if you think that low of me why am I with you? And why is church the thing that would make me be neglectful of my family? I'm involved in my church but it is one of the many things I do. Why would that be the one thing that I would choose over my family?

Am I overeacting or justified in my hurt? Cuz, whether he realized or not he just gave me another reason to seriously question whether him and I should be a we.

Lord help me.

... to be continued.

Men wear UGGs now? Wow. I'm at a loss. Wouldn't believe it if i didn't see it.

What Happened To The Sun?

It is 4:30 in the afternoon and it is already dark outside. :(

Thats the only thing I don't like about this time of year, besides the snow. The sun goes down super early in the winter. *sigh* At least Christmas is right around the corner.

Happy Thanksgiving!

No Woman Deserves To Be Hit

I wasn't gonna blog about this but there are too many ignorant people out in this world and they are pissing me off. I think my title is self explanatory but I feel the need to vent.

We all know about the Chris Brown/Rihanna situation and her being on 20/20. We all know that Chris beat and bit the heck out of her. What I'm tried of hearing is ignorant, foolish women saying,

"Rihanna must of done something to make him hit her"

"We all know Chris Brown didn’t do it lol! Speaking of that call me Chris Brown i love you!"

"She needs to stop lying"

I don't care what she did or what she said. She coulda said his ding-a-ling was small or that his stroke game was horrible. I don't give two figs. There is no, ABSOLUTELY NO reason for a man to ever hit a female.

Reading the comments, especially those from women saying that she needs to get over it, that she instigated it, and they don't think he really hit her, etc. One, I want them to get the crap beat out of them and almost pushed out of a moving car and try to get over it. Two, a man with no self-control is a coward. I can get all up in ur face but keep ur hands to urself. When you can walk away thats the measure of a man. Three, dude got arrested, charges pressed, stood before a judge. I doubt she beat herself like that. He did it.

It pissed me off that women are defending him and not her. She is the victim and millions of women end up in abusive relationships. What did they do to deserve it? Exist?

It makes me sick cuz if this was their mother, sister, cousin, auntie they'd be singing a different tune. While other women nurse their wounds and hurts in the shadows she had to nurse hers in the spotlight. Whether you like her as a singer or not, frown on her clothing choices or love them she is a human being and a woman who is trying her best to process, move on and stay a role model for those who look up to her.

I commend her. And I feel for her. The one person she loved hurt her to her soul. And to those who are saying she deserved it, I want you to stand naked and exposed before the world, your face bruised and battered and see if you'd still be able to hold yourself up.

Oh and PS, she's not necessarily in the spotlight because she wants to be camera follow her everywhere.

Ignorance is why those same women condemning her will end up battered women themselves. *Smh* Sadness.


... to be continued

Pussy Credit

Is there such a thing as pussy credit?

One day, a little while back, me and Washington were talking and some how got on the topic of paying for sex. (We have some very interesting convos by the way.) His argument was that in some way, shape, or form men pay for sex. Whether its gas and tolls to go see the female or dinner and a movie, or even spending the day going to the museum when they could be watching a sports game, whatever it is, its some form of payment for some pussy. He said (paraphrasing) "if we didn't do those things you wouldn't give us any, now would ya?" Hmmm.

An example is on the King of Queens (does anybody watch that show?). Where Doug (the husband) after a stressful day of driving & accompanying his father-in-law Arthur while he runs his errands, gets a "very special thank you" from Carrie (his wife). After realizing the more time he spends with Arthur the more "thank yous" he gets from Carrie, Doug soon pretends to be very good friends with Arthur. So he was amassing pussy credit, right?

So the question is, do men only do all those nice things or pay for things just to amass pussy credit that they can cash in at a later date or possibly the end of the night? If they knew that they wouldn't get any regardless would they still do them? Do you agree that men some how end up "paying" for sex in some way?

Of course I disagreed with him but I want to know my readers thoughts.

... to be continued

They Liked me, They really liked me : )

Over the weekend I met Washington's family and.... *drum roll please*

They LIKED me. Hallelujah. *heavenly angels singing*That was a huge weight off my shoulders. I was nervous for absolutely no reason. They were so nice and chill. I was totally comfortable with them. They laughed and cracked jokes. It reminded me of my family a little bit. Washington told me to just be myself and thats what I did.

I decided on a picture frame and a card for his mom... Which of course I left at Washington's place. I totally spazzed, probably cuz I was mentally freaking out. *smh* so he gave it to her for me. He said she liked it. So I'm taking his word for it. (I breathed a sigh of relief when he told me.) Which is good.

In two weeks he comes to my house for dinner. I hope that it goes as smoothly as Saturday went otherwise I'm gonna start to hyperventilate. I'm gonna have to keep oxygen I stand-by cuz I know I'll be holding my breath the whole time. Lol.

Crossing all toes, fingers, etc.

... to be continued

I'm meeting the fam. Thats right. Tomorrow I am meeting Washington's family. And... I'm nervous. I don't know why. I'm usually good with moms. They love me. (Its the sons i usually have to win over. Lol) But Washington told me to just be myself and they'll like me. And thats the plan.

Well, its his mom's birthday and they r taking her out and he invited me to come. So i've been trying to rack my brain of wat i can get her. I was so swamped today so i didn't get a chance to look for anything and he invited me last night so... Any ideas of wat i can scrounge up between now and 7 am tomorrow besides flowers?

Lord help me. *sends a prayer heavenward*

... To be continued

I Want To See You

So last Sunday I hit up the Personal Trainer.

*Before y'all start going in on me I realized that PT and I had originally started off as friends and I don't stop caring about people just like that. If I did I woulda emancipated myself from some of my family members and disowned some friends by now. Lol. I don't hit him up every day just once in a blue moon. If he crosses my mind I say hey.*

Well in the course of the convo he tells me that he's coming to NYC soon and if it were possible could we meet up so that he could apologize and hug me. He'd even let me smack him across the face and curse him out. *raised eyebrow* I thought about it for a minute because not too long ago I had been dying to see him. But then Washington flashed into my mind and there ain't no way I'm gonna let my curiosity mess up my relationship. Besides will I get anymore answers than the few I got the first time? Doubtful. So, NOPE, not gonna happen.

Plus, my mom woulda killed me (a slow and painful death). It woulda been playing with fire and not for me but him. I mean honestly, wat good can come from us meeting? *crickets*

Exactly.

But my readers, wat would u do if u were in my situation: Would you see him for closure or would you chalk it up as a lesson learned and stay home?

Men never cease to amaze.

... to be continued

The Elephant

I know I've been talking about this Elephant for the longest time so without further ado...

The huge elephant in the room of our relationship is: faith.

I'm a Christian and doesn't believe... at all. His faith is in people. Why is this a problem? I'm very involved in my church, my dad is a pastor, and I never thought I'd be with someone who wasn't a believer. Now with most guys when I learn that our faiths differ I no longer pursue a romantic interest.

But Washington is a conundrum. He doesn't mind discussing my faith and he says its one of the things he loves about me; how strong my faith is. And if I'm honest with myself he is the best relationship I've ever had. He truly cares for me, he wants me in his life, he has no problem telling people about me, he wants to do whatever he can to make me happy, he includes me in his future plans and he wants to impress my parents. After dating so many duds I finally have found a good one but...

"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"

2 Corinthians 6:14

While he doesn't feel this is a big deal this is waring within me constantly cuz I can't ignore what the Word of God says. Yet, I feel that all things happen for a reason. That we were meant to meet. That God placed him in my life for such a time as thisw. Wat that reason is I have yet to figure out. But, I'm on the journey to find out.

My fear is falling in love with him and then having to let him go. *sigh* God forbid. I have to trust that He'll work everything out.

I'll keep you posted.

... to be continued

2 Months

Thats how long me and Washington have been dating. Why is it that he and my brother (of all people, lol) were the ones to point that out to me? Of course I knew we had been dating awhile but I wasn't keeping track. (Maybe thats cuz I wasn't sure if we'd still be together now. Just my cynicism.) But isn't it usually the female that keeps track? *shrugs* Anyway, Its actually 2 months today. :-D



Ok, so he met the parents, we've hit 2 months and... He's having dinner at my house with my fam at the end of this month. Hopefully many more milestones to come :)

I'll keep u posted

... to be continued

Is It Wrong? - Withholding the Truth

I feel like I'm always prefacing my posts these days with an I'm sorry. But I've been so busy lately I haven't had the time to post. But I've got a lot of stuff in me so I'll be updating u in the next free days.

But this is it wrong is about withholding the truth or a lie by omission. Now this has always been a hard one for me cuz I've never considered this lying I just didn't tell you cuz you didn't ask. Now I'm not talking about cheating or anything like that.

Last night Washington said to me, "So ur not keeping stuff from me?" to which I answered, "Nope". Now after I said it I thought, well I haven't told him everything. He's asked me about the guys I dated but I haven't told him about Mr. E or the Personal Trainer. Why? I guess because I never actually went on a date with them it didn't seem necessary to divulge. But maybe I should have. Is that a lie by omission? I haven't told him that I still keep in touch from time to time with The MC of that the Personal Trainer wants to see me when he comes up here from GA this month (Will post on this later). I mean I answer all his questions truthfully and honestly these things just never come up in conversation. (Wait, I did tell him about Mr. E I just didn't tell him I still email him every now and again).

So the question is, Is it wrong to not have told him these things? Yes, honesty is paramount to a relationship and I believe that we have that down. He is painfully honest with me sometimes and he tells me everything. But I've never been the type to spill my guts to people. I give them the information they ask for, nothing more and nothing less. But that doesn't mean I'm lying by omission. I've learned that u have to be careful what you tell cuz it can come back to bite you later on so...

Is it wrong to tell the truth but not tell every detail?

Hmmmmm

....to be continued

Meeting the Parents

So over the weekend Washington met my parents. I chose a pretty light setting to do so. At the Hallelujah Party we have for the kids at my church. It was great by the way. But anyway, I think it went well. I think he was nervous, I know I was.

But the run down I got from my fam after they met him was pretty good. My family reads vibes off of people so accurately that I have come to value their advice. Now some of wat they say I look at them sideways but they have turned out to be right so many times that when they talk I listen.

1. My brother. He is who met Washington first, may be one of the toughest cookie to crack seeing as how he is brutally honest when it comes to the guys I date. And he has liked very few of them. But.... he liked Washington. They both had each other laughing and my bro said he was cool. Which is a sigh of relief considering that with my last boyfriend he looked at me and said, "I don't like him. Never have, never will."
2. My mom. She has mastered the art of in about 10.5 secs of knowing your character through body language and how u introduce urself. Its amazing. She has told me straight up, "Naw, he's not the one." Or "Nope, He ain't it." I always say to myself if the guy can't cut it with my mom he won't be able to survive the rest of my family. So she met Washington, they had a little convo and the verdict.... "He seems like a nice guy. I have to get to know him better." He gets a second audience with my mom! Thats like huge.
3. My dad. The Pastor. He's usually the easiest to win over. Hmmm... not so much this time. He showed his protectiveness this weekend although he did say that he thinks Washington really likes me and that he's a respectable guy. The Elephant I keep talking about (that I will post quite soon) coupled with me being his daughter is making him a little closed minded which he usually isn't.

But overall, they want to get to know him better which is really good sign and he's willing to hang out on my side of NY more so that they can get to know him which is also a good sign so....

Everything (toes, fingers, ankles, etcs) are crossed. We'll see wat happens.

Singleville... whew. First hurdle leapt over safely. But he still has to meet my sister. :-/

... to be continued

Is It Wrong? - Tattling

I apologize profusely about my lack of posts. This installment of is it wrong is about being a tattle tale. We all have grown up being told not to be a tattle tail. But I'm not talking about kids here. I'm talking about grown people. And I'm not talking about if someone's done a crime I'm talking about petty, stupid crap.

Over the last couple of months I've been the victim of a tattle tale. Now the person tattling on me, who shall remain nameless, is almost 40 years old. Who is he tattling to? My dad. And what about? My facebook statuses and none other than my blog. Now he doesn't know where on the web my blog is but I had been uploading my posts to my facebook profile. Every time something popped up he didn't like I'd get a call from my dad asking, "Can u remove the post?"

1. I know my dad didn't read the post/status
2. My dad doesn't have facebook
3. My dad doesn't even know wat a blog is

So I know that someone had to tattle on me. Now my posts aren't anything crazy. I think they are pretty tame compared to some things on the web and most of wat I post I talk to my parents about anyway because our relationship is cool like that.

What pissed me off is, if you have a problem with wat I have to say tell me directly. Don't call my father so he can discipline me. I'm 23 years old. What is he gonna do, spank me? Honestly, what my dad says to me does pull weight but I've read my blog to him and told him he could read it. I've got nothing to hide. Why is a grown man acting like a big behind baby over a 23 year old's blog? (I have known him since I was a kid but I 'm not a kid anymore) So I blocked him from reading my notes on facebook. That didn't work so I had to stop uploading my blog to facebook cuz I was tired of it.

So the question is, do I have the right to be pissed off? I'm even more hot over this cuz its a grown person who should know better than to play these little childish games. I know I can't please everybody but people have the balls to come to my face and tell me wat's up. Calling my dad is not even close to how grown folks handle issues.

So is it wrong to be a tattle tale?

... to be continued

Washington is meeting my parents tomorrow. :) We're been dating for 8 weeks now. So this is big. I'm not nervous but how he interacts with my parents is very important. I'll let u know how it goes. It shall be interesting.

The elephant is still looming but... Singleville is about the journey, right?

... To be continued

How Does One Approach a Woman?

So for the last couple of days I've been coaching a friend on how to approach this woman that he likes. He's a Christian, she's a Christian and he kept saying that there seems to be a different way to approach a Christian woman. Before he was a Christian he had no problem approaching a woman but now he wasn't sure of what to say. Now I'm a Christian woman and there is only one way to approach me, Respectfully.

I don't think there is a different approach. If you step to a woman disrespectfully (And everyone's gauge of disrespect is different. I have my own pet peeves but thats a different post) most are gonna shut you down. But why would a woman shut you down if you said, "Hello, how you doing?" In the context of my friends story, he had been talking to this girl for a little while cuz they go to church together and serve together sometimes. Yet he wasn't sure if she'd be receptive to him asking for her number.

Ladies are we so hard to read that guys aren't sure if we're interested anymore? As it turns out she liked him too and they now have a date set up. Whats crazy is if I hadn't pushed him he wouldn't have asked her out.

Now Christian or not is it that difficult to approach women nowadays? Even Washington early on told me its hard to approach a woman sometimes. Whats up with that? Ladies do we need to soften ourselves up a bit so we don't scare these dudes off?

Hmmm. Definitely was my food for thought this week.

... to be continued.

Washington just made my heart melt. This is wat he just texted me,

"U r the sweetest thing and I really do like and care about u I just want to fill ur life with joy and laughter"

My honey is the sweetest thing ever. :) I can't wait to see him on Saturday. I'ma hug him so tight. Wat girl doesn't want to hear that?

This single girl is falling for this guy and he's just making it soooo easy. Is it bad that i think this may be too good to be true? (I need to tell my cynicalness to shut up. Lol)

Singleville, I'll keep u posted.

... To be continued

Ok so i'm on my way to work, walking down the street and this man who is in his truck asks me, "Have u had breakfast yet?" Well thats a new one. Of course i hadn't but i said yes anyway. I don't know him and the next thing woulda been, "let me take u to get something to eat." So i continue walking but we're going in the same direction and i'm stopped waiting for the light to change when i hear, "U going straight up? I can give u a ride." Umm, no i'm good. So I'm wondering, did he really think i was gonna get in or anywhere near his car? Now his car was nice and i would have appreciated the ride (its a bit of a way to the bus stop) but I don't know him from Adam. He coulda been nice but he also coulda been crazy. How'd i look getting in his car? Am I wrong???

... To be continued

The Last 4 Days

The last 4 days have been straight up Bananas.

Thursday
It was this big event for my job. It went really well, my feet held up pretty well in my four inch heels. Everybody was happy so I was happy. But, I didn't hit the bed til a little after 12 am.

Friday
Then I was back to work the next day at about 10 am. Left the office around 5:30 and ran to Michael's to pick up stuff for my youth group. Didn't get home til after 7 pm. When I got home, my cousin was there so my brother, her and I stayed up til the wee hours of the morning. Not the smartest thing to do when...

Saturday
You're to be awoken at 5 am to go to Lancaster, PA. Shopping trip! The trip was great except the weather was horrible. It rained and was cold but I was so happy to get away and do one of my favorite things... SHOP! We found some amazing deals. I hung out with my brother and cuz. It was an all around good day. We didn't get home from that til about 10:30 pm and I hit my pillow hard.

Sunday
Then my alarm buzzed at 9 am. Time for church. Lord knows I wanted to stay all snuggled in my covers but... I got up and got dress cuz it was Women's Day. Rocking my white dress. And we had double duty. Two services. (My feet held up pretty well here too). They fed us which was on point and by the time second service rolled around I was ready for a nap. Lol. But I held it together. Dropped my cousin back to school, get me a Medium caramel hot latte from Dunkin Donuts, got home, watched some football and hit the sack after 12 am.

And guess what time I had to be to work this morning? 9 am. I can feel the bags forming as I type. Lol. My busy, crazy life. Gotta love it. Next weekend's pace hopefully will be a little slower.


PS: I was going through Washington withdrawals this weekend too. Lol. Saturday is when I usually see him cuz we live kinda far from each other but I was on my shopping trip. When I miss someone that much it means I really like them. Hmmm. Lots to think about.

... to be continued

Is It Wrong? - Flirting

Sorry for the long pause in posts. I've been just swamped lately.

So this edition of Is It Wrong is about flirting. To give context, things between Washington and I have taken a pretty serious turn :) which caused me to wondering, "Is it wrong to still be talking to other guys (even if they're just friends) if you're seeing someone pretty exclusively?" When I say talking I mean they send you a message or a text or an IM and you reply. Dialogue a bit.

Now that I'm in this new territory I began thinking should I stop talking to some of these guys? I truly don't mean anything by it. If some one sends me a message that says "Hello, how are you?" my natural response is to reply back. Now my loyalties aren't divided. I know Washington is my sweetie but is it wrong to still entertain these convos? Should I ignore them? I mean they're harmless. And I let them know that I'm seeing someone.

And while still on the topic, does that mean no more checking out guys? No more flirty smiles or glances? Not that I openly flirt with people like that but is that totally out of the question now?

When in a relationship do you have to hang up the flirtatiousness? Is it disrespectful to your partner even if you know that its only talk or only a passing look?

... to be continued

Spending the day with Washington. :)

Things are progressing the way they are supposed to. However, there is an issue hanging over this relationship that I just can't shake. My mom said last night "if ur gonna spend this much time with him u have to figure out where u see this going." Thing is I already have. This is just so complicated. This thing I've got with Washington is almost perfect except... that ONE thing. And with Mr. E lurking in the shadows once again I'm at a crossroads.

But today I'm gonna enjoy my date (which I've debated on keeping all week) and keep praying. Cuz i'm gonna have to make a decision soon.

Singleville....

...to be continued.

Fell Into It :-/

Ok so I think I just kinda fell into a relationship. I think.

As you may know Washington and I talk everyday and we have hung out once a week for the last 3 weeks. Lately he's been using language like "my lady" and "your man" and last night he wanted to ask me something but he doesn't want to ask it through text which is usually his MO so...

According to Steve Harvey when a man professes that means he wants to be with you or at the very least sees himself being with you for a while. He's told me before that I'm a keeper. And he even told his mom about me.

So... I'm just trying to figure out how I ended up here. Lol. I hate when my mom's right. She told me this might happen. But is it so terrible? I like him, he likes me but... there is a huge elephant in the room.

Plus I just got an email from Mr. E this morning telling me he misses me and asking if he still crosses my mind. I almost swooned. Lol. Although I put him in the friend category I still care about him. *smh* (And I figured out why I liked PT so much besides that he's fine, he reminded me of Mr. E. Same age, same type of connection. Mr. E just ain't married. How crazy is that?)

So this Single girl might actually have a boyfriend. Isn't this what I wanted????

... to be continued

Good Fat

So I'm talking on the phone with Skittles (see Young Bucks on the Come Up) the other day and he tells me you got fat.

Pause. Since when is telling a female that she's fat EVER a good things.

So he realized his mistake and tried to turn it around and say but its good fat. So I'm trying to figure out what the heck he's talking about. So he explains you know when I was gone for a while before and when I came back and saw you I was like wow, that wasn't like that before. That's ... wow.

It finally dawned on me what he was talking about. So I said why didn't you just say what you meant the first time? He said he didn't want to be disrespectful. And telling me I'm fat is more respectful then saying your booty got bigger? Really? C'mon. *smh*

Fellas if you think being blunt could come off as disrespectful be a little more creative. Cuz telling a lady she's fat but its good fat ain't it. We ladies have enough insecurity already so whenever we hear the word fat we don't ever associate that with something good.

... to be continued.

Is It Wrong? - Self Medicating

So, after what happened with the Personal Trainer I was feeling kinda down. In the midst of that came my topic for this is it wrong.

Is it Wrong to self-medicate. People say when you get hurt that you should share your feelings. Sometimes I don't want to share my feelings I just want to feel funky and bask in the funkiness. Lol. However, I have also realized that there are times that I put on a brave face to show I'm ok but then behind the scenes I'm doing things to make me feel better. What are the things I use?

• Food - this will be one of those times when I eat things I usually don't eat like a half gallon of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream with chocolate cake curled up on my bed in my pjs and comforter listening to Roberta Flack, Donnie Hathaway, and company. When I said I bask in the funkiness I meant it.
• Shopping - this is usually when I have an influx of shoes and clothes coming to my house. I online shop so the UPS guy is very familiar with my address. (don't judge me. lol.) Getting nice things make me feel better.
• Men - this is when I'll probably start entertaining a bunch of guys with phone convos or whatever just to boost my confidence. I know this isn't good cuz in the past its led me to do some really stupid things. Plus, I could end up hurting someone.

This time around I'm really fighting the urge to medicate myself cuz I really don't need the extra pounds, I don't have the extra cash to finance the shopping if I stay in the funk too long, and I really ain't trying to wake up next to no strange man cuz I was try to make myself feel better.

So far I'm winning on the latter to fronts. Not so much with the food. :(

But, is self-medicating necesarily wrong? I mean if you're not hurting anyone is it so bad to do things that make you feel better to get out of the rut? Sure the extra pounds aren't desirable but if I come out of it a better person, feeling happy is it necessarily wrong to use other things to fill the void?

... to be continued.

He's Married!

So here's the entire story of what happened last night.

I have been talking to the Personal Trainer for a little over a month even though it felt much longer. I first introduced him as my text buddy. Somehow our relationship progressed so much further than that. We would talk everyday. When I mean everyday, I'm talking waking up to texts, talking before we went to bed, sometimes talking all day on Saturdays. And we were talking about some really deep stuff about our feelings, our families. I thought I had a serious connection with him. Mind you I was trying to figure out how this could possibly work because we didn't live in the same state and he was joining the army but when I asked him about it he said that he saw us as getting closer and didn't foresee our relationship changing. He even invited me to come to Georgia to spend the weekend with him.

So I'm thinking its all good, we're on the same page right?

We'll in my post Georgia Peach I talked about going to visit him. My Aunt read my post and commented on it, telling me to send her his name so she can check him out for me. Thinking everything was everything I obliged. She messages me back saying to ask him if he lives in Conyers and knows this woman. He does live in Conyers so I texted him asking if he knew her. I was thinking it was maybe she's a sister or a cousin or maybe his mother but this is what he texts back.

"Yes. She's my wife."

I paused. Like as if you pressed paused on your dvd player. I paused put my phone down and let it sit for a minute. I was stunned to say the least. Was this a joke? So I texted back, "R u serious?"

So wait about 10 minutes because thats how long I waited for a response I never got before I texted, "Were u ever gonna tell me?" He finally texts back

"Yes, but I didn't know how after I didn't tell you the first time we talked. How did u find out?"

How did I find out?! Why the heck didn't you tell me you (insert a random slew of expletives here). The thing is if my Aunt hadn't asked me for his name and then asked me to ask him if he knew that woman I would have never known. I mean I was making plans to spend money to go see this fool, I shared thoughts with him I don't share with anybody because he opened himself up to me. All the things he told me about his life he didn't think that telling me he had a wife and 2 boys was important? WTF?!

So he called me later that night. By now this had sunk in and hearing him talk I began to cry. I hate to admit that I did. And I held it together during most of the call but as I began asking him questions and he kept saying I don't know I couldn't hold it. I was so hurt. Like how can you not know? At any point you could have said Dee, I gotta tell you something. But no, I had to find out indirectly from someone else who didn't even know she was outing you. At least he came out with it straight up but my goodness... he woulda let me come to Georgia and cheat on his wife with me. And I would never know. What if she had seen us together ir found his phone? *smh*

When I asked him if he woulda ever told me he was like uh, well yeah but ... BS.

Then when I asked how he thought us could work he was like, "I was still trying to figure that out."

But what really took the cake was that he was more upset that he hurt me. Me? Not that he could've hurt the other woman he made a vow to, not the fact that a family was almost destroyed. No, he was more upset that he hurt me and mad me cry.

I kept thinking, how do you explain something like that to your kids? He coulda got me got by his wife and I woulda been oblivious as to why. He knows I'm not that type of person. I'm not a husband stealer. And he's been with his wife for years. Their oldest child is 12!

Only God in his awesome power could have orchestrated this. My mom kept telling me he was hiding something and this was more than coincidence that my Aunt would ask me to ask him this woman's name and it would be his wife.

My heart hurts but I thank God that this didn't escalate beyond this point. I can still pick up the pieces and move on cuz I did nothing wrong. I can still hold my head high.

Then he had the nerve to say, "Can I text you later?"

WTF?!

Singleville have mercy on me please.

... to be continued.

Thank God for family. God is so good to me and that is no lie. The Personal Trainer is married. Yep, MARRIED. How i found out? My Aunt told me without even knowing. Like the Bible says "Be sure ur sin will find you out." Personal Trainer ur found out. I love my fam. And God u had my back. Cuz if i had went down there.... God is good ALL the time. I'll tell u the full story tomorrow.

Singleville ur breaking my heart.

... To be continued.

Trip Postponed

So, I'm not going to Georgia. *tear* The Personal Trainer asked me if we could reschedule. He explained why and I understood. He wants when we meet to be perfect. Isn't that sweet?

But I still want to get away so I thought maybe I'll go visit my godmommy that weekend in Maryland. She has been asking me to come down for a while so why not? Its been a while since my last visit so I'm over due and if all works out I'll be in Maryland.

While I'm disappointed in my change of plans my new itinerary is considerably cheaper than the previous one so I can't be too upset about that. Going to GA was gonna cost me a grip. Lol. Especially cuz I'm planning to go to Missouri for a conference in December so my cash flow is tight.

But all things considered its a bit of a blessing that he asked to postpone cuz like I've said before he is a whole heap of temptation.

Lets put it this way, I love chocolate. And even though I know that I shouldn't when you place in front of me some sweet, delicious chocolate you can't expect me not to eat some. It just ain't happening, especially if I haven't had a piece in a loooooooooong time. lol.

Lord, help me.

... to be continued

Is It Wrong? - Fantasizing

Ok, so is it wrong to fantasize? I mean everybody likes to be able to escape from their present reality every once in a while but can you fantasize too much?

I'm finding that my imagination seems to be on overdrive lately. My imagination has always been active cuz I tend to live in my head a little bit anyway. But I've been fantasizing a lot. Especially right before I go to bed.

While I recommend an escape every now and then when does all that fantasizing become dangerous? When does your imagination become detrimental? Cuz sometimes I don't want to leave my fantasies. I really enjoy them. Lol. But I understand that what 's real isn't necessarily what's swimming around in my head.

So can fantasizes become dangerous? And depending on what your fantasizing about, Is it wrong?

Georgia Peach

So it looks like I'll be taking a mini (real mini) vacay to Georgia in October. We all know who lives in GA. And no I didn't invite myself. Lol. I'm just excited to get the "what if" question out of my head.

What are the two big "what ifs"?

1. What if we don't click?
2. What if we really hit it off?
   
3. What if I don't want to leave?

Either way I will get a nice little trip and time away from New York. I haven't taken a break from anything in the last two years. Yikes!

I need to take more me time. Sheesh.

... to be continued

Washington....Hmmm

I saw Washington last Friday and had a great time. :-/

Why the face? Because the day before that me and PT had an amazing convo. Why was it amazing? Because we both shared pieces of ourselves we almost never share with anyone. Our emotions. *sigh* Do you know how hard it is to find a guy I can share my mind with? Do you know how much harder it is to get him to share his with you? It seems we've taken this to a whole other level.

But... when I was with Washington it was so easy. The convo flowed I didn't feel awkward, nervous, none of this first time jitters people usually have. I was able to just be, you would of thought we had been seeing each other for year the way we interacted and vibed. It was just sooooo EASY. (I like easy, everything else in life is so complicated)

So what is a single girl to do? I can't really compare them because I haven't spent time in PT physical presence. What I do know is that when I was with Washington I was with him. I wasn't daydreaming, I was totally there in the moment with him.

The problem is, I'm a "what if" girl? I always wonder what could have been and I won't let it go til I know. PT is my "what if". I can't let him go until we meet face to face and I know yes we can make this work or no we can't. Which means I can't really move forward with Washington cuz in the back of my mind will be PT. Ugh. Hopefully all will be revealed soon.

In the mean time I see Washington again this Friday :)

Do I Look Like the Bank?

Why do men keep asking me for money? Do I look like I have dollar signs on my forehead? Do they think I am made of money? What the heck?

Some guy today asks me for money to help him get home. I barely know this guy. We talked once. ONCE. Does that automatically translate as "we peoples so I can hit you up for dough"? I tried to be nice telling him no because I know that it takes a lot for a man to even ask that but he kept on asking. He went from can I get $200 to can I get $50 and I'm like, No.

Of course once I said no he stopped talking to me. Now thats a surprise. (eye roll)

Fellas what is going on? I know its a recession but are y'all that strapped for cash that you will ask any random female for money?

Lord have mercy. *smh*

... to be continued.

Can I Have a Picture of You???

People ask this of me a lot. We'll guys anyway. When you're on a social networking site or you talk to folks on aim they ask. When they do I direct them to the places I have posted pics already. I'm not the type to snap a pic real fast like that and send it. Too much work. lol. So that's not a weird request.

However, today that question done went to the next level.

So I get an IM from someone I had talked to briefly before. Ok cool, we just talking. The convo starts out innocently enough before he hit me with this.

well basically like i said i think youre really hot, and i would love to get to see more pics of you...i know you dont know me yet so you really dont have any reason to do that for me, but since i have alot of money (i have proof that i do) i was thinking i could at least give you some $ as a thank you if u did it for me.

Whoa, where is this coming from? Do you think because you have a lot of more I'm suppose to jump at the chance to do this for you? But it gets better. He talks about how he wants sexy pics and that he has a lot of money. So I want to know how much he'd be willing to pay. (There goes my curiosity again.)

up to $5,000

My jaw hit the floor. Is he serious?! $5000. I thought about it for a hot second (that is a lot of $) and then the Lord rebuked me.

Your body is the temple of the Lord.

When that verse popped into my head I knew what my answer would be but it didn't end there. He then tells me it would be instantaneous payment, that he'd even pay me up front. When I still wouldn't budge he offered to give me even more money, telling me I could make more money with one click of my mouse then I would make in a month.

Why does this boy want to see my body so dag on bad? What is up? Why he being so thirsty? He's not a bad looking guy why do you need to buy a girl's body? This just pushed my resolve even more. So he tried to get me from another angle.

well i was hoping that since you wont consider making me any pics youd at least let me take you out to dinner

Ok, how do you go from I'll pay you for pics of your body (head optional) to "can I take you out sometime"? I'm giving him the serious side eye. And then:

would you be against me renting a hotel suite in manhattan for after dinner...thered be no obligation but if you were in the mood for it, id be very much honored if you would let me go down on you then (i really enjoy getting to give someone pleasure with something im really good at)

Why am I not surprised? Would he have paid me afterward? WTF?! No, No, and HECK NO! Some people would have accepted. But I'm not that person. For me my body is sacred, not to be shared and sold.

I am NOT for sale. And its official:

This Fool Done Lost His Mind

Whatever happened to getting to know a girl first? My gosh.

Men never cease to amaze me. If I didn't experience it I wouldn't believe it.

Singleville... *sigh*

... to be continued

Chain Letters

Chain letters have evolved over the years from letters to emails to texts. Asking you to pass them on at the risk of 7 years of bad luck and missed love opportunities. So I should have terrible luck cuz I almost always break the chain. lol.

So today, Washington sent me a chain text that said,

Me and you should ___________? Answer the question truthfully.
Send to ten people and see the funny responses you get.

Now I of course sent my reply back but I felt that this opened up a good and fun opportunity to get some questions answered by some of the guys in my life at the moment. I want to see where their heads are at. (No I didn't ask only guys, I sent this to some of my girlfriends too just for fun)

So I thought I'd post some of the responses I got.

Washington said:
Do things nobody but us should know about

Personal Trainer said:
Have amazing sex

Poppa said:
Go out

The MC and Honey didn't answer... yet. :-/

While most of the responses didn't surprise me ( some did ...ahem... intrigue me though *naughty smile*), Poppa's did. We're just friends so for him to want to take it to the next level has me a little ... on edge if you will (see I Wanna Be Your Man) more than I already was. I'm flattered but I'm just not feeling him like that and I don't think our goals or the places we are in our lives match at all. But how do you say that and maintain your friendship?

I guess you have to be ready for what life will throw you when you throw out questions like that.

Do you see why I don't send out chain letters/email/texts?

... to be continued.

I Wanna Be Your Man

This song takes me back to a school dance in Love and Basketball. A lot of my posts have been songs as of late. Hmmm. *shrugs* Ok, so I have an interesting situation right about now.

I'm talking to the Personal Trainer (PT) on Saturday and he tells me that if we weren't being held apart by distance I'd be his woman. Awh, that sucks. Cuz we are, we still talk everyday but I'm in NY and he's in Georgia. Where is the justice?

In the mean time, new prospect intro coming, I've been talking to Washington (he's a Redskins fan). I actually started talking to him before I started talking to the Personal Trainer but PT has stolen my heart. Anyway, he really seems to be feeling me and we also talk everyday. Now, I like him too but some how talking to him feels like I'm cheating on PT or at the very least being dishonest. I'm not that type of girl and I hate that feeling.

Also this passed Saturday, Mr. E emailed me (of course not answering my email) but why did my heart go all a flutter again and I was ready to forgive him all things? *smh* What the heck is wrong with me?

The MC hits me up that same Saturday talking about, come over and cuddle and watch movies with me. Honey is still lurking in the shadows trying to make something happen even if its by sheer force of will and I'm just like "What is going?"

But what takes the cake is today my friend, Poppa, hit me with the I should be your man, your should be my woman pitch. Adding in at the end, "You should give this young guy a shot." Now we have been hanging out a lot more lately and I did start to feel these vibes he was sending my way (We ladies always know when a dude is trying to make a play for us. We get this sense that somethings changed.) but I was hoping and praying that what happened wouldn't happen. Now he didn't just come out and say it but... I'll explain more in a later post.

Can you see my interesting position. I'm getting all these vibes that they all want me in some way. A confidant, lover, ride or die chick, friend. Some of them are a lot more vocal and clear than others about what they want but all in all they seem to be saying the same thing, I wanna be your man. I wanted just one guy but I'm finding myself with more than one guy wanting to be with me. Their actions speak towards that.

I feel like all of them expect me to say "Yes, I'll be with you and only you". They have all gotten used to me being there, answering them, talking with them, vibing with them but I chalk that up to me being a friend.

The three I really like are the Personal Trainer, Washington, and Mr. E. And to be honest if PT lived in NY this wouldn't even be an issue. And if Mr. E wasn't so busy this scenario wouldn't exist at all but anyway. I could be a girlfriend to any one of these men and potential be happy for a time but I want to be with the right one not just anyone. So I want to take my time making my decision.

2 issues arise from this

1. They may not want to wait. Which means I could miss out on that guy or if I make a hasty decision I could pick the wrong guy.
2. Once I decide he may say, "You know wat, on second thought, you're not the one for me".

*sigh* The last thing I want is hurt feelings on all sides. I don't know why I thought this would be easy.

Singleville... *smh*

...to be continued

Bus sighting. I just saw a dude in dress shirt, dress slacks, and dress shoes with about 8 post earrings going all the way up one ear. That just tripped me out. And they were gold earrings too. Lawd have mercy. If you caught him on the side without earrings u'd have a whole different perception of him. Then when he turned you'd be in for a surprise. It amazes me some of the things i see. Lol.

I finished my last day just now. Why do i feel like jumping up and down and shouting "I'm free!" The new job starts tomorrow and I am estatic. On my way to dance class. :)

What Makes A Good Birthday Gift?

That is the question plaguing me this day.

This is the situation. A man's wife's birthday is coming up and he buys her scented candles. He gets her a card and buys a card for the kids to sign too. He takes her out to dinner and then gives her the gift and when asked if she likes them she says, "They're ok." She says this because she doesn't feel this is a gift a husband gives to a wife. Its not personal enough. :-/ She'd rather have gotten socks!

Now it may be just me (I'm not a married lady afterall) but I think the fact that he remembered, took me out, and actually bought me a gift is a feat that is much appreciated and would be greatly rewarded. Am I wrong here? Yeah it might not have been what you wanted but appreciate the effort.

Nowadays, its hard to find a man who has a job, takes care of his responsiblities, can put it on you something serious, and gives you a gift on your birthday, your anniversary, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, and Christmas. C'mon ladies, is it necessary to nitpick on the fact that the gift wasn't personal enough to your standards? Have we become that rigid that we can't appreciate the effort our men make for us when so many often don't?

But the most pressing question is, What qualifies as a good and personal gift that a husband should give a wife? I mean men give ther wives really nice, expensive gifts but don't pick them out. They send someone to the store with a charge card and say here's the limit get her something nice and they are just as surprised as their wife when she opens the gift. How personal is that? Wouldn't you rather get a gift where your husband went to the mall to decide whether or not you'd like the lavender scented one or the strawberries and cream? I mean that's love cuz what man likes to go to the mall or shopping period? Lol.

I don't get it. Since I'm one that doesn't expect to get anything on her birthday besides text messages and facebook posts (I cherish those by the way) if I received a gift, even if I didn't love it I'd never let the giver know it. Why? Because they cared enough to go out and spend money on me. Cuz they remembered and took out time in their day to acknowledge me. In as fast paced a world as we live in I don't take those things for granted.

After all, isn't it the thought behind the gift that really counts?

Life's too short to be ungrateful. (I realized I just sounded like my Grandmother. Lol.)

... to be continued.

Train sighting. I wasn't gonna blog about this but this was just too good to pass up. So I'm on the train going to dance class and this guy gets on and sits near me. There are two woman sitting across from him. The minute he sat down they was checking him out. Hard. I'm talking about hair flipping, pursing lips, whispering behind hands, and then openly staring. I thought this was hilarious of course. They did everything short of walk up to him and say "baby i want to eat ya for breakfast, lunch, and dinner" lol. Wat took the cake is that this man a handful of stops late gets on. And if you didn't know he was gay you did after he sat down next to said man (other seats were open) turned toward him, looked him up and down and gave him that, i like wat i see smile. Why this is so humorous to me is because the object of there affection was just totally oblivious to it ALL. I wanted to laugh out loud but i checked myself. When people pay me attention like that its like i feel there eyes. Can some people just be that oblivious or do u think he was perpetrating a fraud and knew wat was going on the whole time?

... To be continued

Sighting. Why did i just see a man walking down the street wearing dress boots with a 1 1/2 inch heel? He was wearing a tailored suit and dress boots with a heel. WTF? Is that the new fad now? Wat is going on? If a dude ever tried to holla at me wearing high heels I'd have to say, "Excuse me but aren't u batting for the other team?" I'm just saying.

Lick You For $100

So the other day I'm checking my social networking sites. Like everyone I have a few of them. I'm on particular one when I get a message thats titled, "Question Luv????". I'm used to getting all types of notes but this one threw me for a loop for sure. It read:

"WHAT IF I OFFER U $100 JUST TO TASTE U FOR 5 MINS.
IM A MASTER AT LICKING...NO SEX JUST A LICK..NO ONE WOULD KNOW..
CAN I BE UR SHUGGA DADDY ON THE LOW?"

WTF???? I've gotten some crazy propositions before; come to my house and I just met you, what are your sexual fantasies so we can act them out, I'm very experienced if we meet it'd be worth it and all this other ish. I've even gotten the I'd love to eat you out do you want me to? proposition but this?! He even rhymed it too like this was a poem. Fools be getting bold nowadays. Now my answer was obviously Hell NO! But I wanted to know if this fool was serious. (I need to watch this curiosity thing. We all know about curiosity and what happened to the cat. Lol.)

He was,

"SHHH NO ONE WILL KNOW..
ITS A SECRET FETISH OF MINE N ITS BEEN A WHILE"

Can you believe he told me to Shhhh? Like this was some secret I needed to guard with my life. When I read that I imagined someone putting they finger to they lips looking around nervously thinking someone might overhear. Lmao. And I love how he threw in "Its been a while." Did he think that would make me say yes?

I was tempted to say my was stuff was worth more than $100 and see if he would up his price but I just left it as it was and politely declined.

My thing is, last time I checked a woman who sold her wares was a pro and I ain't no pro. Where do men get the idea that this is appropriate and acceptable? I'm the type of girl that needs to know if you can carry a conversation, are intelligent, have goals, etc before I want to know if your tongue skills are on point. Who wants a dumb f*%!? (I mean that literally and figuratively.) Lol.

One word of advice my brothas: Stop embarrassing yourselves. Cuz,

This Fool Done Lost His Mind

As always men tickle me, but I still love them. Singleville amazes me.

... to be continued.

Is It Wrong? - Moving To Be With The One You Love

So, because of the Personal Trainer I've been thinking about the topic for this is it wrong a lot recently.

The question is, Is it wrong to move your whole life in order to be with someone? No I'm not moving. Me and the Personal Trainer are nowhere near having that conversation. However, it got me thinking about when you're in a long distance relationship isn't it inevitable that ya'll will have to decide if you are gonna move to be with each other or move on? What if your significant other asked you to move? If you have a good job and have established yourself in your state, all your family is there, your friends, etc would you move or even consider it? My mom is all about your support system. I have no better support system then the one I have in New York (I've always envisioned raising my family in NY) but if I was gonna move the only other states I'd move to are Maryland, Florida, or Georgia (hmm) because I know I'd have support there as well but.... I'm a NYC girl and I don't know if I could do it.

Is it wrong to give up all you have in the name of love? Even if what your giving up is better than what you're going to?

... to be continued

The Way You Make Me Feel

This is my 100th post. I'm so stoked. Can't believe I've been blogging this long.

Who gets the honor of being the topic of my 100th post? The Personal Trainer.

I know that he's my text buddy but recently we turned up the heat a bit. He makes me feel...sexy, beautiful, wanted, desired. *sigh* I think Michael said it best

The way you make me feel
(the way you make me feel)
You really turn me on
(you really turn me on)
You knock me off of my feet
(you knock me off of My feet)
My lonely days are gone
(my lonely days are gone)

Now I know this is bad cuz I feeling him way too much. I'm just trying to wrap my head around how this could even work. When you look at this logically it can't. There are so many obstacles to this but it seems I can't fight the feeling and when a guy tells you,

I am so open. All I want is u.

What is a girl to do? Our text exchanges have heated up, we talk everyday, I go to sleep thinking about him, I wake up thinking about him. Lord have mercy. This is more than just a full blown crush. And the pictures he sends. Mercy.

But he's so far away :(

Why is it that every time I find a guy that I'm really into for some reason I can't have him? This is so frustrating. The ones I don't want are always available to me, but the ones I do want have obstacles like kids my age and being a workaholic and being in another freaking state. (Girl breath)

If I fall for this guy its my own fault but like that R. Kelly song...

My mind’s telling me no
But my body, my body's telling me yes

Why is everything always so complicated with me? Singleville is a mix of bliss and misery right now. But I'm really floating high on the bliss at this point. The misery will come eventually (although I definitely hope not).

... to be continued

The Ex, the MC, and Mr. E

This will be a relatively short post. Let me see if I can pull this off.

Saw The Ex last weekend. Tell me why homeboy was surprised that I didn't give him a hug and instead gave him a pat on the back. Sweetie, we are not bffs. Fool done lost his mind.

Saw the MC Monday and had to give him the "I think we should be just friends" speech. It totally sucked. He's still talking to me but ...I miss the comfort that came with that relationship. But I had to. Everything was moving so fast and I just couldn't get past his kid being 3 years younger than me. I had to end it before we got too attached.

Times Up! Mr. E's deadline to reply has come and gone. I have moved him to the friend category and that's how he will stay. He will always have a special place in my heart but if he's not ready your girl's got to move on.

Three strikes :-/ Am I out? SMH

... to be continued

The Audition

Whether they know it or not any man that steps to me or crosses my path is auditioning for the part of my husband.

Just like any audition there are those that come prepared and those that have no clue what they're doing. There are those that thought they might audition just to see what it would be like or cuz they thought it was a fun thing to do. While others stepped up to the plate ready to work. There are those who look like they will be a perfect fit but end up being all wrong for the part. Then there are those who look like they won't make the cut and surprise you.

Some I knew weren't right for the part. Then there were others I thought would be a good fit but they weren't ready. Still others made it all the way through the process only to pull out at the last minute.

Some were really enthusiastic but weren't the right fit. Others took so long to respond that they lost they're spot.

This role is not an easy one to fill. This I know. I will admit that. There have been some call backs. And a few table readings. However, the role is open.

I'm hosting open casting calls as we speak.

Welcome to Singleville. Open casting call. All men are welcome except Them Men and they know who they are. From now until my Wedding Day.

... to be continued

Bus sighting. This guy has the longest eye lashes I've on a guy that was not on a young kid. (Does that make sense?) Anyway, I think that they are just adorable. Makes me wish they were mine. Women would kill for the eye lashes he's rocking. Or at least spend a fortune paying for lash extensions and the fake glue on ones. Just thought I'd share. Lol.

Collect Calls

I figured out who the collect calls are coming from. I got another one over the weekend. I didn't accept it of course but now (this is like the third one) I need to find out who the heck is blowing up my phone from jail. At first I thought they were from Trig but then I saw the area code of the number and looked it up. Its for upstate NY. Trig is in NC. So its not him. The last person I was talking to who was upstate was ...Mr. Feel Good.

Remember I said that he just seemed to disappear with no explanation.

So... Mr. Feel Good Disappearing + Collect calls from an inmate from Upstate NY = Mr. Feel Good in the clink

And Lady Dee is saying ... boy are you crazy. I ain't your girlfriend, baby momma, or even your sex buddy. I'm not even a hook up. Why are you calling me?! Sure I wanted to know what happened to him (I know now) but what do you want me to do for you? I'm not coming to visit and I'm not sending you money so...

In any event at least I now know what happened but these guys man. SMH. Get it together.

... to be continued

Text Buddy

I wrote right. (Nasty. Lol) I have a text buddy. A very fine text buddy. Is it wrong that I wish he could be my... never mind I already know the answer to that question.

So we haven't been texting that long but its been cool. He does not live in my state :( but that's cool cuz he poses waaaaaaaaaaay too much temptation for this single girl anyway. He hails from GA by way of NYC. So he got that New York swag with a shot of Southern gentleman. I love it.

What shall we call him you may ask? Personal Trainer. Man he sure could be mine (if only I lived in GA). Check out his body.

Hello. He sent me this while I was at work. I was so glad no one was looking over my shoulder. It made me lose my breath. Lol. I have seen very few bodies as tight (fit) as his.

We just seem to click which is cool. He's a sports fan (like me), we got the flirty thing going on, and he can provide a bright spot (as you can see) to a really boring day at work. And his voice matches his sexy self so it is all good. While he's not a prospect it doesn't hurt to text and talk.

Thank you Lord for fine men. Hallelujah.

Sometimes Singleville you be doing a girl proud.

... to be continued

U & Air

Like the post title? You'll see why this is the reason I didn't go see Spike over the weekend.

So as I was telling ya'll Spike after a few weeks of no communication decided that he was gonna come back at me with a vengeance. He was sending me all these texts. Saying that he was sorry for not keeping up with me but he's definitely interested. Started calling me beautiful and sexy. Telling me that he's attracted to my aura. Say what? Where is all of this coming from?

So on Saturday he hits me with these long text messages talking about because I told him I'm a busy girl that he went into "causal mode" which is why he chose the first meeting that never happened (see Friday Night in the Village) instead of something more him and me. What does that mean? He goes on to say we should have connected on a more meaningful level a long time ago because our characters connect peacefully. And taking it one step further he was like,

"You should be over here at my cozy little table for two in front of the big screen, scented candle burning, some food and drinks laughing and enjoying the moment."

So I'm reading all of this quite amused. I'm like wow its like that? Now I had to go back through the texts because I just wanted to make sure that I had read the 1st two correctly. What was I looking for? This:

"There's been nothing between us but u and air"

Pause. So what he's saying is the reason why we weren't a we is because of me and air (yeah all the hot air inside ur head). WTF? Is he serious. Yes he was serious.

"if u and the air wouldn't have been in the way, by now you would have been bringing your bunny slippers, headscarf and toothbrush."

SMH. Absolutely not. What he doesn't know is the minute I realized we had different religious backgrounds he was no longer a prospect. I just wanted to see if this young girl could get this older man to see she's not that young afterall. And my thing is this. If you wanted me so bad why didn't you make a move. You want me to come see you? Why don't you come see me my dude. But it gets better.

So then he calls me after our little text exchange. Basically reiterating that my busyness kept us from being this great power couple. (serious eyeroll) Telling me that I was almost too good of a woman for him to date. (Not almost, AM) The kicker was when he told me early on he had tested me to see if I was being for real when I said that I was busy and that my priorities were work, church and family. Apparently I passed the test because now I was deemed worthy to be his woman. However, that statement got me thinking. If I hadn't passed the test basically what he was saying was that he would of used me as a plaything. And then what? Tossed me away when you were done? I don't even think so.

I'm all for confidence in a man. I love it. But cockiness? Can't stand it. Don't want any part of it. When you think so highly of yourself that you can tell a woman the only thing keeping ya'll apart is her and the air and then think she gonna hightail herself over to your place you love yourself enough to be ALONE.

Don't get me wrong I am busy. So I can see how a guy could get frustrated. But I always find time for the people that I love, care about and respect. I'll make the time for a guy I'm into but he's got to meet me half way otherwise I'll move on. (My schedule is tight so I'm not that impromtu type of girl. When I say I'm free catch me. Lol.) I'm not chasing no man. My Bible tells me, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing." He who finds.

But I fixed him. I gave him hope that I might do it. I never had the intention of traveling all the way to his place late at night on the train and I got church in the morning. Please. So Sunday he hoped I would come see him. Double no. It's the Lord's Day and I usually don't travel too far from home. So he called me . I let it go to voicemail. So he sent me a text on Monday saying he actually thought he was gonna see me Saturday. (Is that a touch of scarcasm I hear?)

I decided enough was enough. So I sent this in reply.

"Speaking of Saturday, I think you may be right about me and air . I've got a lot of things going on and I think our paths are going in different directions"

Guys, NEVER assume that we want you just cuz you want us. That's not how it works. Rule of thumb never, no matter how fine, think you are what we missing in our lives. Cuz as Spike found out I'm not missing him at all.

Singleville is a trip. I tell you. He sure gave me a laugh.

Lurking in the Shadows

I know I've been talking a lot about the MC lately but there are still others trying to make a play for this single girl so its time for some updates.

1. Mr. Smith - We are just friends. I've been checking in on him every now and again and I think we are in a good place.
2. Mr. Feel Good has disappeared. Literally. I don't know what happened. HE want from hitting me up everyday to nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. I hit him up twice to see whats up. No answer. *shrug* Oh well. I hope he's ok.
3. Honey - He almost lost his spot with me. Would call him. No answer. Then would call me mad late at night and ask me why was I up? (huh?) So finally I stopped hitting him up. Miracle of miracles. He's back. Wants to hang and talk. He's getting a little bit of a side eye but we'll see. He's dug himself a serious hole.
4. Spike has been trying to get back in my world something fierce recently. Like very recent. Sending me texts talking bout, he just checking in after not taking to me for weeks. Then today he laid it on real thick. Wants to see me real bad apparently. The question is, do I want to see him? We'll know by the end of tonight.

On another note, tell me why one day I was checking my voicemail and it seemd I got a collect call from some county jail talking about my limit is up and I have to setup an account to receive anymore. WTF? Who in the hell is calling me collect from jail? I was so taken aback by that I had to laugh. Whoever it was you done called the wrong girl. I can't help you.

Singleville, I knew that after last week's quietness this week was gonna be crazy but man this is NUTS. I'm told I think I love you and my lurkers are coming out of the shadows. *smh*
What is Singleville gonna throw at me next?

... to be continued.

I Think I Love You

Whenever a man asks you "Do you believe in love at first sight?" after three dates warning signs should flash and sirens should blare. When the MC texted me this, why did I pray that he didn't say say "I love you." What he texted was just as bad.

I Think I Love You

How can he know that? Yes, I do believe in love at first sight. I believe that you can know if you want to be with someone instantly, that you can feel a pull so strong that you know you are meant to be with that person forever, and that butterflies will flutter in your stomach uncontrollably. I just wouldn't go to that person after hanging out 3 times and tell them I think I love you. Rejection is a ... you know.

So I understand that but... I guess I'm just a cynic. I don't understand why he would feel that way about me. And to be honest this gave me pause.

I think he's a great guy, I enjoy the time I spend with him but those 4 reservations are constantly in play in the back of my mind. I hate to admit it but I thought to myself, "I wish that a certain someone else was telling me this".

I just don't feel what he feels at this moment, telling me he feels like we are soul mates and that I'm stuck with him. I'm trying to figure out if this is game he trying to run on me. What's his angle? What does he feel that I can offer him that makes me worthy of forever? Why is he so ready to settle down now? Is it me specifically he wants or is so ready for marriage that any woman would do?

When someone tells you they "think" they love you it shouldn't cause more questions than answers. While I'm flattered I'm also FREAKING OUT.

I don't want to hurt him. Lord help me.

... to be continued.

Don't Hurt Me

My heart melted when the MC told me this. What could I say? One of my biggest fears is hurting someone the way I've been hurt in the past. Being hurt by someone that you care about can be so destructive. That probably explains why I can be so closed off to men. It takes me a while to let them get close to me because I know that if I allow myself to care about them and then they hurt me it will be a tough thing for me to get over.

So when the MC told me, "Don't hurt me" I felt some of the ice around my heart start to melt. I told him I wouldn't because I know how it feels to be hurt and I truthfully don't want to but those 4 reservations I had keep nagging at me. Will I be able to handle all that he wants from me? At this point I don't know.

Even when you have the best of intentions is it inevitable that you will hurt someone? *sigh*

Singleville...

... to be continued.

Why Does He Smell So Good?

I mean it should be a crime for a man to smell that delicious. That man is the MC. I saw him Tuesday night. The minute I got in his car I immediately got hit with his most amazing scent. I thought to myself no man is supposed to smell this good. I don't know what cologne/soap combo he uses in the shower but its working for him cuz your girl was all twisted up.

His skin looked all smooth and creamy and he was playing my favorite songs on his stereo (Jodeci, New Edition, Sade, etc). Don't know what it was but I was feeling a type of way. My body was mad revved up but you'd never know it by looking at me. I was just so relaxed and mellow (and mad sleepy lol).

And he kept licking his lips. Let me tell you about these lips. Just juicy, plump lips. I just kept looking at them. It was like they were calling me. It took every ounce of self control to keep me from leaning over and kissing him. Lawd have mercy.

Then he asked me if I wanted some gum (I said no) and he started talking bout lips and I'm like "He wants to kiss me." It was way past my bedtime at this point so I'm about to go in my house and get in my bed. So I go to hug him and his lips were just there waiting and ready and... I hit him with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Lol.

I know, ya'll thinking, "What the heck?" But I'm trying out this new thing called making them work for it. I've rushed into doing the physical before. Kissing on the first date and all that and it didn't exactly work out for me the way I wanted so I thought I'd try something different. Hey, it couldn't hurt right?

He didn't seem mad and if he was then I'd know he wasn't really into me in the first place. Besides, it builds up a little bit off anticipation. Cuz if he kisses as good as his lips look... ooh chile I'ma be in trouble. Lol.

But what crazy is after we hugged his scent was on my clothes and I was all sniffing my shirt like a fiend. Lol. I'm telling you smelling that good should be a crime.

Singleville is smelling really sweet ;)

... to be continued

Is It Wrong? To Admire Members of the Same Sex

Ok, so here is this week's "Is It Wrong?"

Is it wrong that I think woman are beautiful and that I admire them? People will be quick to throw in the sexually aspect. I'm not sexually attracted to them I just like beautiful things. I think God's creation is beautiful and I can see why men be killing themselves over us. We working with some really dope equippment. Lol. If I think a woman looks pretty I'll say to myself wow her body is bangin' or she has a gorgeous face or I just love her shoes. Do I check women out? Sure. I check everyone out. I even check myself out when I feel I done nailed my look for that day. I'm a people watcher. I mean the first thing I check out on a women is her shoes (I'm a shoe fanatic so I want to see whats new and hot), just like the first thing I check out on a man is his walk. (I do it all covetly of course) I just feel like its so taboo for people to admire those of the same sex. If you gotta say no homo everytime you say someone of the same sex looks good its taboo. I say if your smokin' hot you are (male or female) and I won't hate, I'll appreciate your beauty (while I quietly wish I had it like that). To me its all good. Hey, I think Jada Pinkett-Smith is one of the baddest females out there. But is it wrong?

... to be continued.

Introducing the MC

Ok, y'all I have to introduce you guys to the new prospect I briefly talked about in my last post. We will call him the MC. I'll explain the name in a minute.

So at first I wasn't sure if I was gonna blog about this guy cuz I wasn't sure it would go any where. He hadn't quite made it to prospect status yet. I met him on my way to the hairdresser. Yes, I met him when my hair was looking frightful. Lol. Now I was walking and I saw him approaching me out of the corner of my eye so I was trying to get to the salon before he could stop me. (Obviously I didn't make it.) He was nice but at that moment I wasn't really trying to talk to anyone and when I look back on it I was kinda rude (for me anyway) cuz I was trying to hurry up and get my hair done. I just wasn't feeling right cuz I knew my coif was looking busted. Long story short I gave him my number.

First time he called, absolute horrible timing. It was my sister's going away BBQ (tear) and I was prepping meat, running around, I was just busy. So I told him I'd call him back. Which I didn't. Not on purpose though. From that Saturday to the next was just so crazy with her packing and then leaving I just didn't have the time.

Then as I was thinking about the goings on in Singleville the last couple of months I said to myself, I have all these goals and standards that I want to meet I need to let these guys know up front what I'm about and let them decide if they can handle it. (I was riding high after reading Steve Harvey's book) So when I sent Mr. E my email I also sent the MC a text and it read

"Hey. I'm sorry I haven't called you.
Its been a crazy week.
But I don't know if I'm the girl for you.
I'm waiting til I'm married to have sex,
I believe in Jesus,
and I'm very involved in my church.
If you're down wit that cool.
But its up to you.
If u don't contact me again I'll understand.
I just thought you should know before things went any further."

If any of you are looking at me cockeyed tough noogies. Lol. I think I'm gonna take this approach from now on. I'm trying to weed out the good apples from the bad ones.

Anyway, I hadn't heard from him in 3 days after I sent that message so I thought maybe he ain't down with it and chose not to contact me no more. No worries cuz like I said I didn't really consider him a prospect yet.

I was wrong. On the third day this is the message he sends me

"Hey I just really read ur textes
I had my personal issues but ur religious beliefs r cool wit me
just as long as u don't force ur way of life on me
I may not b as spiritual as u
but I do know Jesus.
We will talk."

So we did talk 2 days later and I saw him last night. He seems to be a really nice guy and he told me his whole life story. Seriously. I just listened and I was really intrigued by his life experiences. Why is he called the MC? Because apparently he used to be up and coming in the rap world. Rubbing elbows with some serious heavy hitters.

While that was impressive its not what grabbed me. He went through some real messed up ish and he's not bitter, he can laugh and crack jokes and that is what impressed me. Now there are some things that gave me pause...

1. He's 38. There's a 15 year age difference which doesn't really bother me. Don't judge me. We should all know by now my love for older men. He didn't seem to have a problem with the age difference either but we'll see.
2. He recently got laid off. But he is working and is currently looking for a more stable situation. I can work with that.
3. He has 5 kids. Now I don't mind kids (I dated someone with kids before, met them too) but when he told me that his oldest is 3 years younger than me inside I'm like Oh MY God. That one def gave me pause. If I'm thinking long term here that could end up being an issue.
4. While his background makes for a good John Singleton film it gave me serious pause cuz that was just not my experience in a million years. I went to private school most of my life and my parents kept me and my sibs pretty sheltered. While he's not living that lifestyle anymore it still made me just a tad wary.

So those are the 4 concerns right now but I'm attracted to him and I think we clicked pretty well. He's really cool and if anything I just made a really good friend so we'll see.

In other news, Mr. E hasn't replied to the email yet. He's still got a week but after that this single girl is going to allow herself to move on.

Singleville is beginning to look interesting again. Told you last week was the quiet before the storm.

... to be continued.

Cute bus sighting. The bus driver is fine. Yes Lawd. Thank you Jesus for fine men. Boy is he cute and was checking me out. Giving me heart palpatitations the way he was looking at me. Lol. I need to stop.

'Don't Let Go' reminds me of Lawrence (*sigh*)... I heart him

I love music so every song takes me back to an event, a moment, a dream, a poem, a story... Music is my life's story if you will. So this is just a snippet of the many songs that hold memories for me. For most songs I remember the first time I heard it, where I was and how I was feeling. So you see it runs deep. Picking 3 was hard but these are a few artists you should def checkout if you haven't already.

Don't Let Go by En Vogue
Besides just loving this song period. I remember this song because I love to write, have a vivid imagination and back in jr high when I wanted to be a playwright on Broadway this was one of the songs that would have been in the play. The play was about one of my crushes who I felt just needed to move our relationship to the next level and lose control (with me of course). It was to be this dance number I choreographed. I mean I had it all done (in my head of course) maybe it will one day happen. Who knows but every time I hear this song I think of my crush who was so fine and I wanted him to be mine. *sigh* It gives me the warm tinglies. Lol.

Float by Anthony Hamilton
Once again, I love this song just because. And Anthony Hamilton is my man. His voice melts me. You have to listen to it a couple of times before you get the full meaning of the song. Its sexy and sensual and it takes me back to about 4 years ago. I sent the song to a guy I was seeing at the time. I told him to listen carefully and maybe we can "float" together. Needless to say he loved it and I loved that he loved it and ... yeah that's all I'm going to reveal about that at this time. (I don't want to kiss and tell) This song... ooh... excuse me while I daydream.

Greatest Love of All by Whitney Houston
This one takes me waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back to my kindergarten graduation. This was the song we sang. It's so true that the greatest love we could ever find is inside of us. That was such a great achievement in my then young life and as I've gotten older I've learned that children really are the future and we have to love and nurture them. I know that I had a lot of that growing up and I thank God I did or I wouldn't be who I am today. Plus, I totally love Miss. Whitney and thats probably the first time I ever heard of her. Thus started a long love affair with good music. I can't wait for her comeback.

I Laid It All Out There

So a couple of weeks ago I finally finish "Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man" by Steve Harvey. Its a good read. Although it tells you all the things you know to be true and don't want to hear its something I needed to read and let permeate and sit.

I say this to say that I realized that I need to let these guys I've been talking to know up front what I'm about and what I won't compromise on. I don't want to waste their time or mine. Like I've said in the past, my goal is to get to out of Singleville and into Marrywood. In order to do that I have to find a guy that fits who am and what I want and not be holding on to something I know just won't work out.

I'm the type of woman who in the past has just gone with the flow and not really said anything when I was unhappy with a situation. I was always afraid the guy would dump me. Well that strategy wasn't working out cuz I would get dumped anyway. So I think I'll try a new strategy. Its called be myself.

If my friends piss me off, they know. Why should I pretend to not be mad at a guy I'm dating if I am mad? Hey, I am who I am and a guy that I potentially want to spend the rest of my life with needs to know that. What's the point in hiding it right?

So after reading the book I got inspired. I sent out a text to a new prospect (I'll introduce him later) telling him who Lady Dee is and I sent an email to Mr. E letting him know what's up.

If you don't know who Mr. E is read Myster E. He happens to still be a mystery to me but I decided that I don't want the mystery that surrounds our relationship to be there any longer. I like to know where I stand with people. I like labels. Some people don't but I do. It helps me know my place and my role in the lives of the people around me. I'm a co-worker, daughter, sister, youth leader, friend, etc. I hold many titles and they define the relationships I have with those people.

He refuses to give us definition. Its almost as if he's afraid to. I have asked in the past and then let it go but this time I ain't backing down and either he gives us definition or I'll slap the friend label on him and that will be that.

This ambiguity that we have opens the door for too much misunderstanding. What happens if he finds out I've been dating during the year I've known him? Does he have the right to be pissed? No. But could he be? Yes. I'd rather avoid all that madness and mayhem. I don't need it, I don't want it.

But anyway, I sent him an email basically summarizing my short term and long term goals and asking where he sees this going and if his goals match with mine. While I will admit it was a long email (when I write I get long winded as y'all probably can tell) I had to put it all out there.

Did I do the right thing?

I'm tired of sitting back and not standing up for myself. I do think I've waited long enough for an answer to this question and if he doesn't give it I can move on with my conscience clear right?

Best case scenario I get the man I want. Worst case scenario I end up with a really good friend. The odds won't always like that that now I know that I can't be a passive player in this. I have to make it known who I am, what I want, and let them decide if their down. Otherwise it will be a waste of time and I'll end frustrated and me frustrated is not fun for anyone. Lol.

Well I sent this last Friday night. He has til not Saturday to respond or he will be put in the friendship box. And this time this single girl is sticking to her guns.

Oh Singleville... Mr. E what am I gonna do with you?

... to be continued